405. Chapter 405

He does what he always does.

He hears about a sad baby queer from his old high school, and he takes the train back to National City as soon as he gets out of physics lab, and he picks them up and takes them to dinner at Maggie’s.

Mags, I’m bringing a newbie over tonight. They’re all messed up because their best friend just got herself a man. They’re gay as all hell for this girl and they really, really, realllllly like pizza.

Maggie smirks when she reads it and forwards it to Alex.

I guess it’s pizza tonight, babe. Ade’s bringing a kid over – that okay?

Of course it’s okay.

Of course it’s okay, because the whole gay thing might be wildly new to Alex, but she’s taken to it like she takes to everything: intently. Studiously. Full-bodied and wholehearted and no looking back.

And a huge part of her coming out was Maggie, was Adrian, helping her through it, teaching her, showing her, helping her… love her.

And Alex Danvers is about nothing if not giving back.

So she and Maggie have taken to faux-adopting all the queer kids – Adrian calls them strays, and says they should all get jackets as Maggie and Alex chuckle about their apartments being the Island of Misfit Toys, and laugh even further when Adrian is too young to get the reference – that Adrian brings home with him.

Home.

Their home.

Open. Always.

So it’s pizza night and J’onn lets Alex off early with a soft smile and a gentle hand on her shoulder: I’m proud of you, Alex, he tells her, and she could cry with relief, because it wasn’t too long ago she was terrified that being a lesbian would make her a… disappointment. Somehow.

But her space father’s eyes are shining, and the slight breeze feels amazing, if not a little harsh, whipping over her riding gear as she speeds her Ducati home.

Home.

Adrian and Maggie are already there – already home – already cracking open bottles of root beer and laughing about something or other with a curvy, cautiously beaming teenager with a fade and perfect eyeliner and a dimpled smile.

Alex hugs Adrian and kisses Maggie – awwwwwwwww, Adrian sing-songs, and Maggie reaches over to give him a soft shove without opening her eyes, without taking her lips off of Alex’s – and, when they’re done – finally, Adrian giggles, and it’s Alex who fake-shoves him this time, but the teasing gesture doesn’t disguise her blush – Alex holds out her hand to the new kid.

“Hey, I’m Alex,” she offers, and the kid takes her hand almost eagerly.

“Em,” they say, and Alex grins.

“A good name,” she affirms, and Em beams as they lean into Adrian with excitement.

Sometimes, with the kids Adrian brings over, it only takes minutes before they break down, before they cry, before they bare their souls and beg for healing that the rest of the world refuses to give them.

And other times, most of the night is about fun, is about forgetting, is about living in a world they want to live in, if only just for one night, to sustain them, to get them through, to give them hope.

Tonight is a combination.

Because Em laughs at Adrian’s terrible jokes and they even laugh at Alex’s worse ones, but they all catch them with their eyes glued to their phone, always eager for a text, always sad when there, inevitably, isn’t one.

“She used to text all the time, huh?” Adrian asks when everyone’s just about done with pizza, just about ready for Alex and Maggie to bicker about vegan ice cream.

Em’s spine stiffens.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want, I’m sorry,” Adrian starts, but Em shakes their head and fidgets with the hem of their sweater dress, with the collar of the shirt that they’re wearing under it.

“No, we can, I just… I don’t wanna bring down the mood.”

Maggie leans forward and shakes her head. “Danvers here is about to start insulting my dessert choices, Em: trust me, it’s not you who’s gonna bring down the mood.”

Em chuckles and nods, chewing the inside of their cheek, chewing on their words.

“I have this friend. This best friend. She’s been my best friend since we were ten. So, forever. Jessica, her name is. And she was there for me when I came out as gay, and she used my pronouns right away when I came out as genderqueer, and we used to… we used to talk all the time, text all the time… And she just got a boyfriend, and I’m an ass – sorry, can I say that? – because I should be happy for her, right?”

Em’s voice squeaks, and Maggie hesitates with her hand slightly above Em’s knee. Em nods and Maggie puts her hand down and squeezes supportively.

“And I am, she seems… he’s a nice guy, you know, but I’m such a jerk, because I love her, I’ve been in love with her since forever, and I should be happy for her, but now when we talk, it’s all about him, him, him, and I try to be supportive and all that, you know, but it’s killing me. It’s killing me, it literally feels like… I don’t know. I’m not trying to be overdramatic. I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about me, I’m sorry, I – “

“Hey, hey, no, you’re okay. This is why Adrian brings all the baby queers here. You’re okay,” Maggie tells her, and Em accepts the napkin Adrian passes them to wipe their eyes.

“And you’re not being selfish, you know,” Alex chimes. “I used to…” She chews on her own cheek and stares at the table for a moment, collecting her words, her thoughts, her traumas. “I used to think the entire world rode on how much I devoted my life to my little sister. And I still do: devote my life to her. But before, it was… I thought that meant I couldn’t ever do anything for me. Feel anything. For me. I would push my feelings down because it was all about making her happy, only about that… and the balance is hard. I’m still figuring it out. But these two clowns help.”

“Oohh, don’t Alex, you know how I feel about clowns.”

“You and Winn should form a support group.”

Em and Maggie exchange a silent giggle at Adrian and Alex’s quips.

“But really, Em,” Alex turns her attention back to the new kid. “You’re allowed to be hurt. You’re allowed to be in pain. Not that she’s doing anything wrong, this Jessica girl, but you’re allowed to have feelings. And if you want to, you’re allowed to talk to her about them. She’s still your best friend, you know?”

“Is your sister still your best friend?” Em wants to know, terror in their voice.

“Yeah. Yeah, she is. And it’s different, obviously, you being in love with Jessica, but listen. It’s literally my job to figure out people’s strengths and weaknesses, basically just from looking at them. And you, Em? You’re made of strength. It’s going to be hard, getting through this. But you will. I promise.”

Maggie beams softly at her girlfriend and nods toward Adrian.

“Ade’s been gaga over his best friends more than once, and somehow he’s still in one piece.”

Adrian puts a dramatic hand over his heart, and the other over his forehead. “Barely. No but really, Em, Alex and Maggie are right. You’re gonna get through it: you’re not by yourself. Okay?”

Em breathes and looks from their surrogate older brother to their new queer moms, understanding and pride and faith resonating in each of their eyes.

They nod slowly, until a soft smile creeps onto their face.

“So. Vegan versus regular ice cream, huh?”

“Oh my god, now you’ve done it, they’re never gonna stop.”

And they don’t. But somehow, watching them laugh and tease and giggle and kiss is all the hope Em needs.