459. Chapter 459

She’s having more movie nights alone, and Sisters Nights are still happening, but more like once every two weeks instead of once every week.

She’s having more nights alone, and she finds herself waiting for Alex to text her back.

She’s never waited for Alex to text her back.

Ever.

Until now.

Until Maggie Sawyer.

And she’s happy for Alex.

She is.

Alex laughs more, now. She sleeps more, now.

She socializes more, now.

She does everything more, now.

Except drinking.

She drinks less, now.

And Kara knows that that’s all down to Maggie.

Well, partially down to Maggie.

The rest is from Alex coming out, Alex learning herself, being herself, for the first time.

And Kara knows that it’s not her fault, not exactly. Or at least, she knows that Alex says it’s not her fault: how long it took her to realize she’s a lesbian.

But Kara blames herself anyway.

She blames herself anyway, and she can’t help but look at Maggie as everything Kara can’t be.

Pure good in Alex’s life.

Not good plus a decade of baggage, a decade of putting someone else in front of herself.

Just good.

So Kara’s happy for Alex. She is.

And she’s not jealous.

She’s definitely not.

“You okay, Kara?”

The sound of James’s soft, smooth voice makes her jump, because – superhearing or not – she was so wrapped in watching Alex laugh in Maggie’s arms, turn her face and kiss her on the mouth over the pool table that she didn’t hear him come up beside her and sit next to her.

“What? Yeah! Yes, of course I’m okay! Why wouldn’t I be okay? Who’s not okay?”

James smiles softly and squints slightly. “Kara, it’s me. You don’t have to put up pretenses. You can talk to me, you know. If you want to. If something’s wrong, I want to help.”

Kara huffs and stabs at the ice in her glass with her straw.

“I miss Alex.”

James nods and follows Kara’s gaze, watching Alex whispers something into Maggie’s ear, watching Maggie blush and completely miss her shot.

“She’s right over there, Kara. You could go over and play with them.”

Kara sighs long and slow.

“It’s not the same. Alex… Alex was… this is going to sound terrible, James, but Alex was mine, you know? I’ve never had to share her before, not really. Not since just when I found out she was with the DEO, but even then… She’s just so happy, James. I never… I could never make my sister that happy. My own sister. Does this mean I’ve been a bad sister all these years?”

“No, Kara, of course it doesn’t. You… look, you… you get certain things you need from Alex, right? A particular kind of love and trust. And you get a different kind from Winn, and from me. None of them are better or worse, right, they’re just… they’re different. No one person can give us all the kinds of love and intimacy we need, Kara. Alex just… Alex just found a new one for her. With Maggie. But that doesn’t mean she loves you less.”

Kara stares at him with her cheek resting on her open palm, thinking hard.

“That’s what Alex says, too, I just…” She smiles defeatedly as Alex’s laughter floats across the bar. “I miss her.”

“You have to tell her, Kara. You – “

“Hey Kara! Hey James,” the voice that Kara least wants to hear chimes happily, a broad smile written all over her words. “Alex and I just finished a game, do you two wanna get next? You and I could be a team, Kara,” Maggie invites, and James watches Kara carefully.

“I don’t think so, Maggie. You have fun with my sister. Thanks though.”

Maggie’s smile falters, and she exchanges a quick glance with James.

“James, I’m so sorry, but can Kara and I have a minute?”

James nods and squeezes Kara’s thigh softly, supportively, before slipping away to talk to Alex.

“Are we alright, Kara?”

“You’re a ‘we’ with the older Danvers girl, Maggie, not the kid one.”

Maggie sighs and sits gingerly across from Kara.

“Listen, I know how close you and Alex are. You’re all she ever talks about, Kara, and I… I don’t want to take her from you. You’re her world, Kara, and that hasn’t changed just because… because of me.”

“It has though, Maggie,” Kara blurts, eyes and voice colder than she intended them to me, and Maggie visibly shrinks.

“I know your sister’s happiness is important to you, Kara. And I make her happy. But so do you. She needs both of us in her life, Kara. Okay? She loves you.”

Kara takes a long breath as Maggie stands and starts to walk away.

“Maggie,” she calls, and Maggie turns with fear and hope mingling in her eyes in equal measure.

“You and me against James and Alex? Let’s just make sure we win, okay?”

“Sounds like a plan, Little Danvers,” Maggie’s dimples shine, and Kara decides that maybe, just maybe, she can like having another older sister.