515. Chapter 515

She assumes a lot of things.

She assumes that Maggie can handle her coming out after watching men die on her watch, under her protection, out of seemingly nowhere.

She assumes that Maggie doesn’t like her. Like that.

And – after that kiss, god, that kiss, that kiss where she froze because Maggie Sawyer was kissing her, Maggie Sawyer was kissing her, a girl was kissing her and good god was it always supposed to feel like this? – she assumes that Maggie has done All The Lesbian Things.

In life and in bed.

And when she realizes that Maggie doesn’t want to go any further in bed than they already have, she assumes it’s her fault. She assumes she’s doing something wrong.

She assumes she’s only worth it until she takes her clothes off. Which is a switch from what she’s used to, but still. It stings.

She assumes Maggie will leave, because she assumes she’s not enough.

“Alex, that’s not…” Maggie sighs when Alex starts to derail, when Alex starts to cry.

“Danvers, listen, we should have had this conversation sooner, and I’m sorry we didn’t. It’s… it’s not you. I promise it’s not you. Did you um… did you come across the term asexual? In your queer study party last Sisters’ Night with Kara?”

She can’t help but grin when she asks it, despite her trembling. Alex nods, the beginning of comprehension starting to form behind her eyes. But comprehension rapidly turns to panic.

“Did I make you feel like you had to do the…” She splutters and blushes and gestures to the hickeys Maggie had painted across her chest. “… did I make you feel pressured, with the… and the… Maggie, I’m sorry, I – “

“No, no, hey, Danvers, it’s okay, you’re okay. The things we’ve done, I’ve done because I wanted to.” Her eyes graze down Alex’s still naked chest, and she can’t help but lick her lips. “Trust me. I just… for me, it’s not… we could… we could masturbate together. If you want, I can… I can help you, if I don’t feel like it. And I don’t mind if you think… about me. When you touch yourself. The idea’s kinda sexy, actually, truth be told.”

“But you don’t want to have sex. With me.”

“With anyone. And not really? Sometimes I’ll be in the mood, for certain things, like right now, I… are you disappointed?”

Her question comes out nearly a whimper, her eyes brimming with fear and pain and preemptive rejection and inadequacy.

Alex is quick to answer and Alex is quick to pull Maggie close to her, quick to press soft kisses to her face and tell her she wants to be with her, she wants to be with her, she wants to be with her.

And yes, god, she does.

But she also needs to talk to Kara. Badly.

“Kara. I asked Maggie if I can share something with you. About her. And I didn’t tell her about you, because I didn’t know if you’d be okay with it, but – “

“Alex, she already knows I’m Supergirl, what – “

“No, about the other thing. The… the ace thing.”

Kara’s eyes fly wide and she sucks in a deep breath and she nods slowly.

“Maggie’s ace, too?”

She controls her voice carefully, contains her excitement carefully, contains the way she wants to flap her hands ecstatically because yes, finally, someone to talk to, someone who will understand.

Because right now is about Alex. And Alex has a ton of questions in her eyes as she nods and starts to pace.

“I just… I don’t know, I… I like her. A lot. I think… I think I love her, or I will love her, I don’t know, I just… I just assumed – and I guess I shouldn’t have – that she was all experienced. That she would have all the answers, show me… teach me… all the things. About… things.”

She stops pacing and she wrings her hands and she stares at her sister for answers.

Kara sighs and flops onto the couch, pulling her pillow into her lap and and patting the couch next to her.

“Come sit with me.”

So Alex sits. And Kara talks.

“Being ace feels different for everyone, Alex, and you’ll have to ask her more about what it feels like for her. But I can tell you this: you said she’s been in relationships before, right? And she’s been out since she was a kid? She has experiences to offer you, Alex. She has new things to show you. Teach you. Some might be sexual and some might not be. But honestly, Alex? She probably is more intimately familiar with different ways of being intimate – “

She pauses and chuckles at her own repetition. “– than someone who’s had lots of sex. And that kind of intimacy is irreplaceable. And, more? She likes you, Alex. She really, really likes you. She’s probably going to love you, if she doesn’t already. And that’s something only Maggie Sawyer can give you. Maggie Sawyer-style love. And isn’t that what you wanted to begin with?”

Alex doesn’t say anything. She just tugs her sister into her arms and kisses her hair and thanks her, thanks her, thanks her, for being exactly who she is.

And, hours later, when they’re done talking and crying and laughing and throwing pillows at faces, she texts Maggie to set up their next date.