529. Chapter 529

They’re bickering because couples bicker.

They’re on the edge of fighting because couples climb onto that edge.

And she doesn’t want to ever leave her. And the fear in Alex’s eyes is almost enough to convince her that Alex doesn’t want to leave either.

Almost.

But what if, one day, she does?

Because they’re bickering and it’s Game Night and they’re trying to keep it lowkey because they don’t want to argue in front of people – even their people, even their family – but Maggie watches the light in James’s eyes when Winn casually calls him bro, and she fights nauseous tears when James turns to make eye contact with her as he laughs.

Making eye contact with someone as they laugh is so damn intimate.

Alex had always said she’d never liked being intimate. Except with Kara.

But Maggie?

Maggie’d never… had anyone to be intimate with.

Not like this. Not like family.

Not since… since.

But James is turning to make eye contact with her as he laughs, and Winn is knocking his knee against hers affectionately, and Lena is burying her laughing, blushing face in Maggie’s shoulder when James makes her laugh too hard, and Kara is leaning over her body to take food off Maggie’s plate just like they’re actual… siblings. Actual family.

And Alex is taking her hand and kissing her cheek and telling her she loves her, because they’re surrounded by family, and does it really matter if the glasses go on top of the dishwasher or on bottom?

But what if one day it does matter?

What if one day Alex leaves?

What if one day she messes it up?

It won’t just be Alex that she loses. Which would be nearly enough to destroy her anyway.

It would be… this.

All of this.

Family.

Again.

There’s no warning and there’s no obvious cause, but amidst the laughter and the carrying on, Maggie just starts to cry.

Further proof that these people are family.

Further proof that she can’t lose them.

Kara notices first.

“Maggie, what – “

Alex turns to her, pale and worried, and immediately assumes.

“Babe, hey, I’m sorry about before, it’s just a stupid dishwasher, and hey, a lifetime of firsts, right – “

“No, no, it’s not… I’m sorry, guys, I – forget it, I’m just gonna head home – “

“Maggie, no, stay!” five voices ring out at once, in different tones and in different registers, but all concerned, all loving, all sincere.

It takes Alex some coaxing and it takes Maggie some pacing. Some channeling of anger instead of terror, bitterness instead of overwhelming heartbreak.

Because anger and bitterness are easier, sometimes, than the abyss of pure loss.

“It’s just… nothing, it’s whatever, I – “

“Maggie Sawyer, you’re worse than your girlfriend; you can tell us, we’re here. And you’re not ruining anything,” Lena intuits, because Lena knows what that kind of guilt for feeling is like.

Maggie sighs and puts her index finger under her lip and paces and stops and braces.

“What if Alex and I break up? I mean, I never want to break up with you, babe, obviously, it’s not about that, it’s not about us, we’re good, I love you, I… but this… all this… all of you…”

“Alex would get the SuperFam in the divorce,” Winn says softly, because Maggie isn’t the only one who knows about bouncing, unwanted, from place to place.

She nods and Alex is off the couch and holding her instantly. But she says nothing beyond the kisses she presses to her temples. Because she knows that this is for their family to take.

And it’s Kara who starts.

“Maggie, Alex is my sister. You hurt her, you get heat vision, we’ve been over this.”

Maggie laughs wetly, remembering Kara’s shovel talk, and Lena shakes her head with a sad grin and kisses Kara’s hand.

“But Maggie… I don’t think you’re going to hurt her. And I don’t think she’s going to hurt you. But if something happens, if you two… which I don’t think it will!… Maggie, we’re not just going to – “

“We don’t abandon our own, Maggie,” James finishes for Kara, and Kara leans over to take his hand with her free one.

“Right,” Kara nods, and Maggie trembles in Alex’s arms.

“You’re one of us, Sawyer, you’re… you’re part of us, you know? Even if you and Alex don’t – but I mean, you two were made for each other, I mean come on, Maggie, your fondest wish in life is for a flash grenade – but even if you didn’t, you… we’re all grown ups, Maggie, we could all still be friends. Because you don’t just stop being family,” Winn tells her, because he’s been through this with Kara, and James never once abandoned him; so he would know.

“And we do often stay friends with our exes,” Lena smiles gently, teasingly, and Maggie chokes out a soft laugh as Alex kisses her hand.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she tells her, and Maggie nods quietly, relief and warmth and something that feels an awful lot like permanence settling into her skin. “And neither is your family, baby.”