559. Chapter 559

She doesn’t mind sex. Not with Maggie.

It’s not her favorite thing, and it usually doesn’t make her scream like it makes Maggie scream.

She’ll masturbate sometimes, to work tension out of her body, to help her fall asleep. But it’s not something she feels like she needs.

But Maggie?

Maggie loves sex.

Not that she says it to Alex. But Alex knows, by the way Maggie bites her lip and clamps down moans, the way her eyes drag over Alex’s body sometimes.

How hard she comes when she masturbates with Alex’s name on her lips.

And Maggie has sworn up and down that she’s proud of Alex for coming out twice. Once, as a lesbian. Again, as ace.

“It doesn’t make you a bad lesbian, Alex, and it doesn’t make you a bad girlfriend. You’re pretty fantastic at both, to be honest,” she’ll tell her, and Alex will blush and smile and melt and swoon.

Maggie bought Alex an ace pride tank top for her first Pride, and she almost cried as she held Alex’s hand and felt Alex inflate, breathing in the energy of being surrounded by people like her. People like them.

But Alex Danvers is nothing if not thoughtful. Sometimes, over thoughtful.

And tonight is one of those nights.

One of those nights when they went out with Sara, Lucy, Lena, and Kara, and Maggie danced with Sara.

Hell, everyone danced with Sara.

It wasn’t the dancing that bothered Alex.

It was the fact that Maggie could have had sex with Sara. As much as she wanted. Any way she wanted.

Sara probably wouldn’t stop in the middle, for no particular reason, because she was just… done. Not upset, not post-orgasm, not hurt, not scared, just… done. And wanted to cuddle.

Sara would satisfy Maggie.

In ways that Alex never could.

And it made her happy. Watching the two of them laugh together, watching the way Lucy whooped at Kara and Lena, the way Lucy dragged her onto the dance floor and brought out some of her college days.

The way Maggie’s hands found her hips immediately thrilled her. Made her feel loved, wanted.

Which made her feel guilty.

And guilt, along with overthinking, is definitely Alex Danvers’s thing.

So she’s quiet on the ride home, as Maggie talks and laughs about the lap dance Lena gave Kara, about the bedroom eyes Sara and Lucy gave Kara, about the general woman-magnet that was… well, Kara.

Alex nods and laughs in the right places, but when they get upstairs, Maggie asks. Because she knows something’s wrong.

“Are you angry with me, babe?”

“Angry? No, god no. Why would I be – “

“Because I danced with Sara. And Lucy. And Lena. Hell, I danced with your sister. And if that’s all weird for you, it’s okay, we should have talked more about boundaries beforehand, I – “

“No, no, that’s not it, Maggie. I liked how happy you were. Surrounded by ladies luvin ladies, you know? I was happy, too. So happy. It wasn’t like anything I’ve ever felt before. I loved it.”

Maggie nods and kneels to take off Alex’s shoes for her, and tears fill Alex’s eyes at the small but enormous intimacy.

“Then what is it, sweetie? You can tell me anything.”

Alex sighs as Maggie takes off her socks, too, and giggles as she kisses her toes.

She sighs again and lets Maggie take her by the hand and lead her to the couch.

“I was so happy to be there with everyone, you know? But I couldn’t help but think, you know… that you could have anyone there. Any of the women. Our friends, but also like, anyone else in that bar. And they would be able to give you things. Things I can’t usually. And I just…” Alex shrugs and tries to stand up, but Maggie stops her with gentle hands.

“You just?” Maggie prompts softly, and Alex gulps.

“I just don’t want you to leave. Or… or sleep with someone else. But you could. If you wanted to. We could try the poly thing. If you wanted. That’d be okay, if… if it meant I wouldn’t lose you.”

“Alex,” Maggie breathes, and crawls into her lap. “Babe, polyamory… it’s not… I don’t want to sleep with other women as a stop-gap to not leaving you. If we wanted a polyamorous relationship, that’s one thing, but if it’s… if it’s something you’re… offering me, as a way to not lose me, that’s… that would never be something I want.”

“But you do want other women.”

“No! No, that’s… I’m sorry, I’m explaining this wrong, I just… Alex, I want you. Only you. If that means we have sex once a month or once a year or absolutely never, it doesn’t matter to me. Will I masturbate a lot? Yeah. Will I think about you while I get myself off? Absolutely, as long as that stays okay with you. But do I want other women? No. I really don’t, Alex. You’re all I want, and you’re all I need. You’re everything, Danvers. Everything.”

“Did you just quote a Lifehouse song to me, Sawyer?”

“Don’t change the subject, Danvers.”

“Tell me… tell me why? Why you like being with me? Even though I’m ace?” Alex asks, her voice about to break.

“I don’t love being with you ‘even though’ you’re anything, Ally. I love being with you because you’re exactly everything you are. But uh, let’s see.”

Maggie tilts her head and plays with Alex’s hair as she thinks, a small smile forming on her lips. “I love the way you look when you just wake up in the morning. No makeup, crappy breath, sleep sand in your eyes. I love the way you light up when I bring you flowers, and I love the way you laugh when I tickle you. I love the way you look at me, and I love how you always make the perfect cup of coffee.”

“Well that’s not hard, you don’t take anything in it. Gross.”

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No.”

Maggie kisses her lips, and Alex kisses back eagerly. This, she always loves.

“I love the way you kiss me, and I love the way your hand feels in mine. I love how proud you get when I walk into the DEO, and I love how it sounds when you call me your girlfriend. I love the way you sweat through your bandana on your morning runs, and I love what your eyes do when I tell you how much I love you.”

“And what are my eyes doing?”

“Showing me every good thing in the multiverse,” Maggie whispers before Alex pulls her down into another kiss.

Another kiss that becomes making out, that becomes breathless and just this side of handsy.

“I love you, Alex Danvers,” Maggie murmurs into her lips, and Alex swoons closer into her arms.

“I love you, Maggie Sawyer,” she breathes, her lips curving up into a relieved, loved, cherished smile.