651. Chapter 651

She’s drunk.

She’s too drunk to drive and she’s almost too drunk to sling words together, let alone put one foot in front of the other.

She’s heard through the grapevine that Kara whisked Alex off to Midvale.

She would take her bike out there right now if she wasn’t sure she’d crash it. If she wasn’t sure it would be completely disrespectful of Alex’s obvious desire to not be with her.

Completely disrespectful of Alex’s choice to leave her behind. To abandon her for the sake of something, someone, she doesn’t even have yet, might not even want for years now.

She orders another round.

Her phone buzzes.

Her heart leaps, because maybe it’s Alex. Maybe it’s Alex, calling to tell her that she loves her, that she’s changed her minds, that we should kiss the girls we wanna kiss and she wants to kiss…

It’s not Alex.

It’s Alex’s mother.

Maggie fumbles to press the magical green button that will bring her a little bit closer to Alex. Alex’s stubbornness, her persistence, her brilliance. Her cold streak, her warmth, all mixed together.

She fumbles to press it, fast, because god, no, please say nothing’s happened to Alex, that nothing’s wrong, that –

“Dr. Danvers, is everything alright? Is Alex okay? Kara?”

There’s a slight silence on the other end, and Maggie frowns at her phone, like it’s offended her, like it caused Eliza to butt dial her, like –

“You’re going to have to say that again, Maggie dear, I’m afraid I couldn’t understand you.”

Maggie puts her finger in her opposite ear like that will help Eliza hear better.

No.

No, that’s not it. She must have been slurring. All that alcohol.

Dammit.

She tries again, repeating herself, slower this time, more intentional.

“Yes, yes, the girls are safe, no one’s hurt. I was… I was actually calling about you, sweetie. I wanted to see if you’re with someone who can take care of you. But you… you sound like you’re alone. With a bottle of the same thing Alex is glued to right now.”

She says that last part more to herself than to Maggie, but Maggie hears, and her heart shreds.

“You didn’t have to call, Dr. Danvers, you… you have your own kids to take care of – “

“Just because you and Alex don’t think you can work it out doesn’t mean you’re no longer a daughter to me, Maggie.”

She nearly starts sobbing at the sentiment, but something in the detective part of her brain slows her emotions. She squints. She tilts her head. She leans into her phone almost desperately.

“Don’t think we can work it out? Why? You… do you think we do?”

She hears Eliza chuckle softly, and she wonders if she said something funny.

“Just as sharp as Alex always says you are, even brimming with alcohol.” She hears her sigh, and it reaches her ear like a loud gust of wind. She nearly drops her phone, but she hangs onto it like a lifeline.

“Dr. Danvers – “

“You’re the only person who knows what’s best for you, Maggie. And I respect you not wanting children. I respect it quite a lot more than you might expect. And I would never want to try and change your mind.”

“But…” Maggie supplies, not knowing if she’s annoyed, angry, or hopeful for the first time since she and Alex had made love for the last time.

The last time.

She nearly chokes on a sob.

“But,” Eliza sighs. “I didn’t… I didn’t want children. Alex was… well, we didn’t conceive on purpose, but Jeremiah wanted a child so badly, and when… I’ve never loved anyone or anything as powerful as I love the woman you’re drinking over right now. And I’m not… I’m not saying that to guilt you, Maggie, or to… I didn’t even intend to say any of this when I called you, but I… you fit together. Your values align. Your goals.”

“Our goals? She wants… she wants PTA meetings and brownies and… and mom stuff!” Maggie splutters, agonized, and Eliza sighs again, but softer this time.

“That’s not all there is to being a parent. And fostering is… taking in Kara was… no. No, no no no no, I’m sorry, Maggie. I didn’t call to convince you of anything any which way, I genuinely called to see if you need anything, if I can do anything. Where are you? Are you home? You sound like you’re at a bar. Can I call you a cab, please? Will you let me do that for you, Maggie dear?”

She does.

She does let her, because she suddenly feels an urgent need to be home. Well, on her work partner’s couch, anyway.

Because she needs to sleep off this drunken stupor. Sleep it off enough to drive.

Because in the morning, that’s exactly what she does.

Drives.

Drives her motorcycle miles and miles and miles, coffee staving off a hangover and nerves keeping her alert.

Alex is on the porch with Eliza and Kara when she gets there.

Her eyes are red and swollen, like she only fell asleep come morning. Like she’s been crying. Like she’s been drinking as much as Maggie has.

She rushes her park job and she tugs off her helmet and she notes vaguely that Eliza is smiling and that Kara looks ready to throw her beyond Saturn, but she only has eyes for Alex.

Alex, who’s dropped her mug of coffee.

Alex, whose eyes are flooded with fresh tears.

Alex, whose jaw is nearly on the porch.

Alex.

The love of her life.

The woman she wants to marry, the woman she wants to be her forever.

The woman whose name burns in her blood and whose laughter courses through her veins.

“I heard everything you said,” she starts, and Alex walks down from the porch, toward her, like she’s in a trance.

And maybe she is.

Maybe they both are.

“I heard everything you said, about how we can’t be together. About you wanting – needing – to be a mom. And I know you heard me. About how it’s not some trauma issue, how I’m not going to change my mind. And if… if this is crossing too many boundaries, if my being here is harming your healing, I’ll go. I’ll disappear, and you will never see me again.”

Both of their eyes burn with the memories of old words, new. Healed wounds, fresh.

“But if you give me just two minutes of your time, I – “

“Two minutes,” Alex interrupts her, her voice cracked, her eyes blazing, her arms crossed over her chest and her lips moist.

“I know how badly you wanna be a mom. And I respect that. I… it’s not what I expected, but I love that about you. That you want to… Alex, I love everything about you. But we didn’t… we got so wrapped up in what we can’t do that we didn’t get wrapped up in what we could do. You being a mom and us being together but the kid being yours, unless… unless maybe getting to know the kid… your kid… would get me feeling otherwise, and we decided… Or fostering. Maybe teenagers, or older kids, maybe that would feel different to me than raising a baby. I know you made your decision, and I respect it, Alex, I respect you, I just… I just wanted to ask one more time, if we could… I don’t wanna give up on us, babe, I – “

But the rest of her words are lost on Alex’s lips, on Alex’s tongue, on Alex’s hands in her hair and Alex’s tears on her cheeks.

“I love you,” Alex is whispering into her mouth, over and over and over and over, and Maggie is whispering the same, over and over and over and over.

Kara hugs Eliza, back on the porch, and when Maggie finally opens her tear-streaked eyes, finally glances past Alex’s face to those of her family – their family – all she sees are smiles that are welcoming her home.