713. Chapter 713
She doesn’t want to repeat the mistake she made when Alex came out the first time.
She withdrew and she got quiet and she sank, deep, into herself.
Not this time.
When Alex comes out to her this time, she squeals and she asks excited questions and she makes sure that Alex knows, unequivocally, that she is supportive, that she loves them, that she isn’t angry with them that Sisters’ Night will henceforth be Siblings’ Night.
But inside, Kara is still panicking.
And she tries – she tries so damn hard – to make sure that Alex doesn’t notice.
And Alex may not be using the label “sister” anymore, but damned if they aren’t still Kara’s sibling. So, of course, Alex notices.
“I don’t know what it is, Mags,” they say with tears in their eyes one night, a week or so after they came out to Kara as nonbinary. “She’s trying so hard to show me that she’s supportive, and I love it, but I just… feel like she’s overcompensating? And I know, I know, I know it sounds paranoid, but you’ve seen how quiet she is when she thinks I’m not noticing, how reclusive she’s gotten, right? I just… I can’t lose her, Maggie, I… I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do.”
Maggie just bites her lip and holds the person she loves and presses soft kisses all over their face as they cry themself to sleep.
Because she knows that Alex isn’t wrong. Something’s going on with Kara. Maggie just doesn’t know what it is yet.
But she knows Alex isn’t wrong, because she’d gotten a text from Kara that afternoon, asking to have breakfast tomorrow morning, to not tell Alex about it, because nothing’s wrong, but she needs advice, and Alex doesn’t need to know, not yet, please, please, please.
“You can’t ask me to withhold something from them again, Little Danvers,” is the first thing Maggie says the next morning when she slips into the booth across from Kara at Noonan’s.
Kara’s swollen red eyes prevent any further reprimands from slipping out of Maggie’s lips. The superhero just nods, defeated.
“I know. I know, it was a horrible thing to ask, and I’m so sorry, Maggie. I… you can tell Alex all about this conversation – we both can – or I can, whatever, because it wasn’t your fault I put you in such a terrible position, and I’m so sorry, I just – “
“Okay, hey, slow down, Kara,” Maggie reaches across the table to still Kara’s trembling hands. “What’s going on?”
“It’s about Alex’s… coming out. Part two.” Maggie blinks slowly, saying nothing, just waiting for Kara to continue. Kara tries to read emotions in Maggie’s face – anger, fear, anything. Finding nothing in the detective’s impenetrable expression, she sighs and makes herself continue.
“I feel… transphobic? Because I keep being so scared of misgendering h – them, them, Rao, see? I just keep being so scared that I’ll misgender them, and then they’ll think it’s because I don’t love that, that I think they’re fake, and they have enough trouble feeling like they’re making it up and whatever without me messing up and making it worse, and I… so I’m making their coming out about me, and about how hard it is for me, and that feels… transphobic? Because you’re their girlfriend, and you’re just so cool with it, so what right do I have to… it… I’m not making sense. I’m sorry, Maggie, I shouldn’t have… I just didn’t want to talk to Alex about it because it shouldn’t be them who has to hear all of this from me, and I’ve been trying so hard not to show them that I’m having a hard time, but I – “
“They know, Kara.”
Tears threaten to spill down Kara’s face. “What? But I’ve been so – “
“Overly enthusiastic, yeah. And you’re an amazing sister,” Maggie smiles gently and leans forward slightly to squeeze Kara’s hand. “Listen, answer me this: are you afraid of misgendering them because you don’t want to hurt them and you don’t want to give them any additional fodder for their own internalized transphobia and doubts? Or are you afraid of misgendering them because you don’t actually think being nonbinary is a thing and you don’t want to bother fighting with them about it because – “
“No! No, I… who they are is real! It’s the first one, it’s not – “
“Okay, good then. You’re okay, then, Kara. Because thing is, you’re gonna mess up. It’s not about not messing up.” Maggie pauses and chuckles, more to herself than to Kara. “Both of you, so into being perfect all the time. Thing is, you’re gonna mess up. So am I. Hell, I have. It’s not about not messing up: gender isn’t about that, and neither is life. It’s about why you’re messing up – years of habit and refusal to acknowledge who someone is are really different things – and how you fix it. They’re not going to think you don’t love them if you slip once or twice. Try not to, obviously. Try really hard. But Kara, they’re not going to love you less, just like you don’t love them less. But you’ve gotta stop this overcompensating thing. Because they know you. They know something’s wrong. And you know their imagination. I can guarantee they’re imagining something so much worse than what’s actually going on, just like they did when they came out as a lesbian.”
Kara gulps and nods thoughtfully, adjusting her glasses sadly.
“I’m not a terrible sister?”
“No,” Maggie nods. “Just get out of here and go make sure Alex knows they’re not a terrible sibling.”
Kara leans forward to kiss Maggie’s cheek so quickly she almost leaves a bruise.
Maggie smiles as Kara runs off to find Alex.
Fifteen minutes later, her phone beeps, and she takes it out to find a photo of Kara and Alex, both beaming at the camera as they hold each other close.
It’s captioned “Maggie’s Danvers Siblings.”
Maggie prints and frames and keeps it, always.