Two Old Friends: Phase 10

"After fifteen years, he finally said the things that I wanted to hear from him."

Nakaupo si Samantha sa kama habang nakasandal sa may headboard. Si Jenneth naman ay nakasalampak sa kama paharap sa kanya.

"After fifteen years... when I can't love him anymore."

Ang sakit ng nararamdaman niya ngayon. Pakiramdam niya ay parang may nakaturok sa puso niya.

Jenneth could only console her. Gusto man niyang magsalita ay hindi niya alam kung ano ang sasabihin para mapakalma ito.

"Bakit kailangan pang mangyari ang ganito, Jhing? Bakit kailangan pa niyang sabihin na mahal niya ako, na minahal niya ako all these years?"

"Sam..." Awang-awa man ay wala pa ring masabi si Jenneth.

"And I love him! Jhing, I love him, and I could not even tell him!"

"Why? Why can't you tell him?"

"Because it's wrong..."

Jenneth shook her head, as if telling her that she could not understand her reasons. Samantha got up and took her tote bag. Mula doon ay may kinuha siyang isang maliit na pulang kahon. She gave it to Jenneth.

Jenneth opened it and in an instant, she knew what the diamond ring meant.

"I'm getting married..."

"Oh, Sam..." Nayakap na lamang niya si Samantha.

"I'm getting married to someone else, but I'm in love with Kenneth!"

Hinagod ni Jenneth ang likuran ni Samantha to console her. Hinayaan niya lang itong umiyak. Nang makalma na ito ay saka niya ito kinausap.

"I'm sorry, Sam..."

"How can I be in love with someone when I am engaged? Am I not supposed to be madly, deeply in love with my fiancé?"

"I don't know..."

"This is wrong. This is so wrong!"

Ano na lang ang mukhang ihaharap niya sa boyfriend niya kapag nagkaharap silang dalawa? All he knows is she is spending time with her friends. Tapos bigla na lang na mai-in love siya sa ibang lalaki?

"Sam... can you tell me honestly?"

Samantha looked at Jenneth, waiting for her question.

"Nung high school pa tayo, may nararamdaman ka ba kay Kenneth ng higit pa sa pagiging kaibigan?"

Samantha looked down, then nodded.

"He was your first love?"

Muling tumango si Samantha. "First love, first heartache... first heartbreak..."

"Maybe that's the reason why you fell in love again with him that easily."

Samantha looked at her.

"Sabi nila, you cannot fall in love with someone if you're already in love with someone else. Kung tama iyon, then ibig sabihin your feelings for Kenneth stayed in your heart."

"But I have a boyfriend, Jhing, and I love him."

"But you're not in love with him anymore."

Samantha was confused. Nabasa naman ni Jenneth ang naiisip nito.

"Loving and being in love are two different things. You can love a person even if you're in love with someone else. Likewise, you can fall in love with a person even if you already love another."

"Kasasabi mo lang na you can't be in love with two different persons at the same time."

"Because it's IN love, not love."

"Okay... Jhing, I don't get it."

"Okay, for example, si Kenneth. You loved him. Back then, when you were in high school. You fell in love with him. You were IN love with him. Tapos umalis ka. You met your boyfriend. You fell in love with your boyfriend. But, you still love Kenneth. What I mean is he still has a special place in your heart. Hindi magbabago iyon. Kagaya ng pagmamahal natin sa pamilya natin. Lagi lang andiyan sa puso natin. It stays. It never leaves."

"So being in love is like loving someone at the moment?"

"More like the initial step of loving someone. You fell, you came to that moment where you realize you feel love for that person. You long for him, yearn for him. You always want to be with him. You like being close to him, being held by him, being loved by him. Through time, that love grows, until you truly feel real love, great love with that person. And that love stays. Even if you separate, fell apart. That love does not leave."

Samantha remembered how she felt back then with Kenneth. It was exactly how Jenneth described it. She always wanted to be with him. She always wants to talk to him. She likes doing things with him. Pero magkaibigan sila. Magkaibigan lang sila.

"Di ba ganoon naman ang mga magkakaibigan? Ayaw nilang maghiwalay, gusto laging magkasama. Ganoon kami ni Kenneth noon."

"I guess what happened was you did not fall in love. You grew in love. It started as friendship, that's how you loved him. And then, you fell in love with him, so you realized what you've been feeling for him is more than just as a friend. That's why your heart was broken."

"And Allan..."

Jenneth frowned. "Allan?"

"My fiancé..."

"Oh... well, nung naghiwalay kayo ni Kenneth, you thought the love was gone. You fell in love with Allan. But then, the truth is your love for Kenneth stayed in your heart. That's why when you saw him again, you fell in love with him easily."

"I've been in love with Allan for six years. We also started as friends."

"Well, I guess your love for Kenneth is stronger."

At iyon na nga ang kinababahala si Samantha. After all these years, hindi pa rin nagawang burahin ng pagmamahal ni Allan ang feelings niya for Kenneth.

"Sam, being in love is also important. Why do you think couples get divorced or annulled? Because they lose that passion, that excitement, that thrill that the state of being in love gives them. Yes, they still love their partner, but they're not in love with them anymore."

Naintindihan naman ni Samantha ang ibig sabihin ni Jenneth. She knows some couple na nag-divorce pero naging magkaibigan pa rin. Some of them ay nagkabalikan pa nga ulit, probably because of what Jenneth said. That they love each other, they are just not in love.

"That's why they can still come back together," Samantha said.

"They just need to be in love again with each other."

Tumango si Samantha bilang pagsang-ayon.

"Sam, right now, you are in love and you are loving Kenneth. Mali man na makipaghiwalay ka sa boyfriend mo, but that is what you should do."

"But what if it's just temporary? What if nararamdaman ko lang ito dahil si Kenneth ang nandito at hindi si Allan?"

"Sam, I already told you. You can't fall in love with someone if you're in love with someone else. That feeling of being in love should not leave you even if you're not together. The fact that you fell in love with Kenneth kasi wala iyong fiancé mo sa tabi mo, that alone should alarm you."

At iyon na nga ang dahilan kung bakit nagpa-panic siya ngayon. Dahil sa mga sandaling iyon, kung anuman ang naramdaman niyang pagmamahal para kay Allan ay hindi niya makapa sa puso niya. Tanging si Kenneth lamang ang isinisigaw nito.

"I'll leave you to think. Pag-isipan mong mabuti, Sam. Baka naman naguguluhan ka lang dahil sa mga sinabi sa iyo ni Kenneth? For so long you have wanted to hear those things from him. At ngayong sinabi na niya, sobrang ikinatuwa iyon ng puso mo na parang natabunan na si Allan. Kaya pag-isipan mo muna."

Tumayo na si Jenneth.

"If you still need me, I'm just at the next room," Jennet said.

"Kina Kenneth?"

Jenneth smiled. "The other room."

Tatlo kasi ang kuwarto sa bahay na iyon. Magkasama sina Kenneth at Ryan sa isang kuwarto at si Darlene naman ay sa kanila nakikitulog, though nakay Kenneth ang mga gamit nito.

"Oh..."

"Goodnight Sam."

"Thanks, Jhing..."

Jenneth smiled, then left the room. Naiwan si Samantha na nakaupo pa rin sa kama. But this time, she is not crying anymore. Masakit pa rin para sa kanya ang lahat pero ang mas naiisip niya sa mga sandaling iyon ay kung sino nga ba ang mas mahal niya - si Kenneth na first love niya, o si Allan na first and only boyfriend niya?