I don’t like what I’m feeling

(Rorim's POV)

The taxi I rode dropped me in front of a hospital. That was where the address Norman sent pinned and led us. Now there I was, standing by the entrance, looking for Norman in the area. After a while, I decided to text him instead. And after waiting some more, my eyes immediately found him coming out the hospital entrance, searching for me. For a moment, I just stood there, absorbing the image of Norman's searching, almost frantic face from afar. First time in my life and I wanted to take in that moment to myself. Until we met eyes, only for a second.

He ran while I tread, neither of us looking at each other straight. I stopped when he was a foot away. I watched him, studied. How he breathed through his mouth, slightly open and wide to the sides, and then closing them, and his brows meet and scrunch as he does. How his eyes disappear when he squints. How his wavy hair parts to his right when he brushes them up with his fingers. How thin lips puckers subtly while he thinks. How—

"Did you wait long?"

I shook my head, erasing with thoughts. "No, just a few minutes."

He nodded. "I see that your hand's completely healed." He pointed at them and I checked, completely forgotten.

"I see that you're not getting to the point." And he was avoiding my eyes still, too.

He inhaled. "Follow me then."

And I did. Whatever he planned to do and wherever it was, I assured (myself) that I could handle him.

Every room we passed through gained a question in my mind. Why were we at the hospital? Why was he at the hospital? Who are we visiting? Where was he taking me? Why did I agree to come here? Have you ever dreamed about something like this? Do you ever feel nostalgia by being here? All those questions and so on.

We were in the elevator, cramped and close to each other when my mind finally silenced. Having him standing behind me was alarming and uncomfortable, as presumed. In silence, I could feel his breath on my exposed neck, I had to move forward to avoid it. I had to endure then, as there was no other space left for me to move. The light in the elevator button blinked, almost reaching level fourteen when the rest of the company stepped out, leaving just the two of us inside. As soon as the door closed, I moved next to him.

ding

I stepped out first and he followed, and he led the way to one of the rooms on that floor. Soon we entered a room unit and inside was a woman on the bed, oxygen supported, IV injected and eyes closed. Norman walked to the other side of the room, the other side of the bed and stood silently.

Inching closer to the bed, I took a proper look.

Song Na Rae

That was the name written on the board by the door, the owner of the unconscious body before me.

"I would like to say that she's pretty but saying pretty while being sick is a bit off."

He smiled gently and held this woman's arm. It only took a minute before he let go and looked at me, finally meeting my eyes. The only light in the room was next to Norman, in the corner, dim and yellow enough to brighten the room and show Norman's deep, concerned face.

"Shall we go out for a while?" he asked, hesitant.

"We can stay here. Your aunt might wake up any minute." Then I froze, internally slapping my mouth for spewing that out. I shouldn't have known that.

"How did you know?" His eyes squinted with suspicion.

I shrugged. "Lucky guess." You have to believe me.

His eyes stayed on me for a while until he nodded, letting it go. "Have a seat." His hand then pointed to the couch on his side.

"I can already imagine the amount of questions you have in mind for me." He spoke as soon as I sat. His eyes fixed at the flowers on the bedside table, plucked that one lily bending on the other side from the rest.

"Indeed." Was the only thing I could reply.

"Have you read the paper I wrote?"

"Yeah." Lies.

I expected that he would ask questions, like how did I find it or some remark that would seem like a casual joke to lighten the mood. But nothing happened.

"Have you brought yours?" He looked back on me after a while, glancing.

"Yes and I'm holding it hostage for taking me here." This made him smile again. He moved and sat next to me, the plucked flower in his hand.

I figured that it was my turn to ask. "What did you eat for lunch?"

"Kimbap and noodles."

"When did you pass your paper?"

"Before Ms. Lee came to school."

"Is she your aunt's friend?"

"Junior."

I figured. "Lucky."

"Did Sam pester you before coming here?"

I nodded. "She said she'd protect me from you."

"You might really need her help." I might need her help in burying your body six feet underground, yes.

"You don't need to worry yourself about me."

He leaned back to the couch and relaxed his neck, eyes on the ceiling. "Too late." His words came out like a breath, a whisper, a warning, a release of sorrow.

Apart from the slow beats coming from the ECG and the low humming of the aircon, silence ensued.

Why am I here..

"You can ask your real questions now."

I shifted on my seat, knees folded to my chest, facing him. "Why did you bring me here?"

He breathed in and turned his head to me, eyes on my hand. "I thought maybe being with you could answer my questions."

I stayed quiet, waiting.

His head straightened again. "Remember when I said that myths and folklore fascinate me? Some of them make sense, some don't. And somehow, for some mysterious reason, being with you feels nostalgic."

I blinked, and slowly, I held my breath.

He sat up and turned, both of us now facing each other. "Do you believe in soulmates?

Shaking my head, I leaned on the backrest. Despite having our lives intertwined multiple times, I knew it was only because what we had was more than emotional attachment, beyond superstitious connections.

"Neither do I. Millions of people in the world and you're only specially fated and connected to one? It may apply to others, but I think connections and relationships are worked for, not instant. Or well, not that it applies to me at all anyway. " He spoke of them as if telling it to himself.

As much as it felt unsettling every minute I stayed there, a part of me felt sympathetic. Because if there was anything I knew about Norman more than anyone, it was that he painfully cared for his mother. In every life. And while the other person in the room might not be his mom, she could have still been a mother figure to him. This was the first time I have ever seen them together, let alone see her ever. So while I may be vengeful, this was not one of those moments to be one.

"Rorim?" One word and it was shivers down my spine. How does he do that?

"Hmm?"

"Has anyone ever made you feel pure nostalgia?"

His words came to me like a spell, invoking tears that slowly watered my eyes. I raised my head up, fighting to summon them back to my underused ducts.

"Yeah." I whispered.

"Really?" - please don't ask anymore - "How do you explain the feeling?"

I breathed in deep, sucking up all my courage and sat up. As our sights touched, I prayed that every word I spoke would prick thick poisoned needles to his cruel heart.

"Imagine Prometheus tied on the mountain and have his internal organs feasted and plucked by eagles and vultures. And Atlas carrying the whole world on his shoulders. And Hercules when he killed his family and realizing what he has done afterwards. It felt like those. And more." I watched his eyes spark from the window's light as I inched forward, our sock-covered toes touched. "It was pure torment. Like I'd rather kill myself than meet him again. Be chained to hell than be touched by him. Imagine the first ones I said in repeat, and then tenfold."

Norman's watch ticked, waiting for either of us to break away, in suspense. Yet a minute has passed and blinks were shared but no one turned.

"Who was he?" His hand moved and my eyes followed it as he tucked the lonely strands of hair from my face to my ear. I lost my hold. He preserved, his finger cold to touch.

"You.." I watched as his lids moved, eyes shifted and his breath stopped, "don't know him."

Mirrored smirks, he slid his arm back to his knee. "Did he hurt you that bad?"

I slouched back, my position mostly occupying my side of the couch. "Bad is kind of an understatement."

"Seems so." He crossed his arms, leaning back as well. "Your definition of nostalgia sounds more like a trauma."

That made me cackle, but I remembered that his aunt was asleep. Hands to my lips, I continued laughing, couldn't get enough of the humor from the inflictor himself.

He was not wrong. "It's funny now that you said it."

"No kidding." He stood up, walked to the table and poured water on a glass.

I glanced at the window view, traced the buildings from afar and watched the cars from below stop and go upon cues of traffic lights. I blinked and wondered how long I have been there.

"Do you hate him?" I went back to him, the glass of water almost touching my nose.

I held and emptied it. "More than you can imagine."

Glass now in his grasp, he remained standing. "More than you hate me?"

"I can't tell." If I could hate you more than I already do, I would.

"Wow." He returned the glass. "What did I even do for you to hate me? Was the sorry not enough the last time?"

"No, I believe in revenge." And it's true.

"Should I look forward to it then?" Eyes gone, he gave me his purest smile.

thump

What was that? "Do what you want." I grabbed my bag and checked my phone. It was quarter to eight, no wonder I was already feeling hungry.

groooooooowl

Norman fought his laugh and walked to the door. "Let's eat."

I stood, carrying my bag.

"Leave your bag, no one's going to steal it."

"I hate you enough not to listen to you." I walked through the door, passing by him.

"Even though it's my treat?"

"I need more than just pizza, thank you." The sound of our faint footsteps echoed in the corridor.

————————————-

Today was finally the day. I was so excited that I didn't sleep a wink last night. Norman seemed to be one too, our eyes matching as they drooped. Still, despite the lack of rest, I was eager to witness and behold a week's worth of surprise.

In our usual place, Norman and I laid on the blanket, on our stomachs and eyes on the nest.

"Should we give them names?" Norman rested his face on his folded arms to the ground.

"We could. Maybe it would be better to name them once they show personalities or traits." Eyes heavy, I held Norman's hand.

This woke him up for a bit, eyes wider than normal. "Yeah?"

I smiled, dazed. "I'm glad you're here with me. You're the best."

He returned the smile, gentle and pure. "I know."

With my remaining energy, I hit his arm lightly which made him chuckle.

"I'm glad to be here with you too."

It was afternoon when we woke up. No matter how hard we fought, our drowse were stronger. The moment I opened my eyes, I sat, checked the eggs and squealed. There hatched the first one, chirping lightly next to its shelled siblings.

"Norman! Norman!" I shook Norman and watched him resemble how I woke up. The moment he latched his eyes on them, he squeezed my hand, beaming ear to ear.

"We did it, Raven! This is so cool!" he cried happily.

Because sitting wasn't enough, we stood up in unison and jumped. Jumped and squeaked our hearts out, still mindful of the new hatchling.

"We should show Ms. Hipher! We proved our promise!" I kneeled and studied its pink, bare skin. Arms on each side, I carried the box. Norman opened the door and we stepped outside, slow and careful on the way to Ms. Hipher's office.

When Norman knocked on the door, an unfamiliar face peeked. An adult man. He opened the door wider revealing another face (an adult woman), Gale and Ms. Hipher. Four pairs of eyes focused on me and then on the box I held.

Ms. Hipher came forward and looked closely at our nest. "Congratulations both of you," her head paced from Norman to mine, "You hatched one, and soon the rest will. You promised me three weeks ago that you would make them hatch and now you did. Are you both happy with yourselves?"

Norman and I exchanged wide smiles and nodded to Ms. Hipher in unison. She then turned to Gale and nodded.

Walking to us, she forced a smile. She knelt before me, her hands on my shoulders. "You did great, both of you. I'm so so proud of you. Since day one, I believed in your determination and now you succeeded." She kissed my forehead, a weird gesture she only did for the first time. "You both haven't eaten yet, I bet you two are hungry."

Was it just me or her eyes were getting watery?

"I kinda am hungry." Norman touched his stomach. "We skipped lunch because we slept." He smiled to me.

"Why don't you give this to me first?" She eyed on the box, her forced smile showing. "Don't worry, I'll look after it."

I couldn't keep it any longer. "Gale, are you okay?"

Her face shifted for a while and maintained the smile. "Yeah, I'm just tired. I also haven't slept properly. Lucky you, you got to sleep." She giggled.

Even her laugh was forced. Why do I have an odd feeling about this?

"Go now, Raven. I made your favorite, hotdogs and noodles. It's waiting in the kitchen." Ms. Hipher uttered, as if assuring.

For some reason, those usual food that made my mouth water didn't sound as enticing. Still, I was a hungry kid and I trusted Gale, so I gently handed the box to her arms. Before my hands let go, I raised my head at the two adults, their eyes on me. Both of them wore an off smile, the kind that was two-faced and uncomfortable. But then again, all adults smile the same so maybe it was just my issue.

"Don't leave them, okay?" I returned to Gale, her smile not reaching her eyes.

"Food is waiting, Raven." Ms. Hipher walked back to her room and Gale stood, her smile fading.

"Gale?"

"I won't." She replied, her back to me as she went in, the door closing.

Norman held out his hand and I took it. Each time I stepped, my heart felt heavier. Why does it feel like this? Gale will take care of it. I trust her. She's just being weird because adults were there. She'll take care of it while we eat. Relax.

With a loud, distressed thumping in my chest, I looked back one last time before entering the dining room.