Just a Friend.

I'll be honest, it's only half way through the week and I'm really tired! All my classes today are so boring and I don't wanna go. I guess the only good thing was that Vio was waiting outside so we could walk together, today I didn't have my first two periods filled so I could talk to him again.

             "Do you keep everyone waiting for you?"

             "Shut it Vio, anyways, wanna stay with me during our first two periods?"

             "Yeah of course, I wanna hear you ramble about stuff again."

I was happy to hear that, he liked my rambles and wanted to hear them. I enjoyed that, I felt comfortable with him and for the first time in a while, I could say that I'm happy I found him.

We talked and walked about dumb stuff and how much of a queen Brandy looked going off on her boyfriend the other day, we enjoyed each other's company and loved being with each other.

             "It's still early in the morning huh? Can you see the moon from here?"

             "Yeah, it's right over that tree, you see it?"

             "Yep! Can you spot any constellations? I can see Orion's Belt."

             "Oh really? Where is it?"

I pointed to a place in the sky, he looked up and was in awe, Orion's Belt was pretty and probably my favorite constellation besides Canis Major. He seemed so interested in the sky just like me, we had so much alike, it was insane. We eventually got to school and caught Brandy by her locker.

              "Hey Brandy!"

              "Hey lovebirds, you guys walking to school together now?"

              "Oh stop it, I already said I don't love him in that way."

              "But you do love him."

I saw the look on Vio's face waiting for me to answer Brandy, so I tried hard to answer quickly just so I didn't have to look at him right now.

              "Yes, I do very much love him."

              "Yeah you see? You're gonna end up dating him."

              "Stop saying that Brandy, seriously you're getting on my nerves."

              "You know Ilia, you'll never know right?"

I turned to Vio who held a smile on his face, I guess he was right but I genuinely don't want a relationship right now. I thought he said the same when I met him but with all these hints and stuff, it seems like he wants one.

             "Vio, come to the rooftop with me."

             "Alright Ilia, lead the way."

             "You're so annoying."

I walked all the way to the rooftop with him right behind me, like a dog, he sat right next to me. we dangled our legs over the roof as we stared out on the busy street.

             "So, about yesterday."

             "What about it? If you're talking about the kiss, I really didn't mind."

             "You really read my mind huh?"

             "Mhm, speaking of it. Did you at all feel uncomfortable by that?"

I almost didn't want to straight up tell him but I knew if I didn't, he'd probably hate me for lying to him. Whatever, I guess I have nothing to lose being truthful, I trust him with everything I have so it doesn't matter.

             "Surprisingly, I wasn't."

             "Does that mean I can...do it again someday?"

             "Vio, tell me now please. Did you only start talking to me because you wanted to get with me?"

             "No! Never! Is that what it seems like?"

I nodded a yes as I looked at him upset, the worried look in his eyes grabbed me by the throat as I realized he did actually care about me. I knew he loved me but his love started to seem more romantic since he keeps bringing up wanting to kiss me.

              "Vio, I love you but I can't start a relationship right now."

              "Then let's not start a romantic relationship! I'm not saying a sexual one either, just let me treat you right in private."

              "Vio..I don't think I can commit to that and we just met."

              "I know I know! What about if we give it a month? Would you want to then?"

I thought about it then slowly agreed, I knew it would take me about that much time to really want to do that. I told him that I agreed and he looked so happy, I knew I could trust him, we spent so many nights just talking to each other and getting to know what we like that I was willing to do this with him. If it was with him, I was ok with it.

              "Now, even a month from now, you can tell me if you want out alright? I won't force you."

              "I know Vio, I know you're not like that."

              "I'm so happy that you trust me Lilia."

That was the first time he's called me that in a while, I know it's only been 3 days since he's called me that but seriously, I missed it.

I'll tell you something truthful, I was kind of afraid. I had no idea what past he's had with his other relationships, I didn't know what I was getting myself into willingly wanting to start a relationship with him.

              "What happened with your last girlfriend?"

              "Well, she lied, cheated and manipulated me into a lot of things."

              "When was this?"

              He stared down, "A year ago."

              and you're willing to try again...with me?

He brought his head up, taking his gaze away from the street and bringing it to me like I was the most important girl. I looked into those hazel eyes, those beautiful eyes.

              "Ilia, you're smart, pretty, and amazing."

              "Vio, why are you so close..?"

              "Let me do this...just once.."

He grabbed the back of my neck, not forcefully, just held me there. His empty hand grabbed my chin to pull my head upwards, I faced those hazel eyes head on, they were prettier up close. We stared into each other's eyes, taking in how beautiful the other was.

He kissed me once more, this was starting to feel good. I haven't felt this kind of love in so long, this kiss was longer, a little more passionate.

              "Vio..I don't know what to tell you."

              "Don't say anything."

              I'm afraid Vio.

              "Am I too much?"

              "No! I just don't know if I'm ready to love you like that, I'm falling for you too fast."

It's only been 3 days and I feel like I love him, more than just a friend. Just 3 days and we're already kissing. I can't handle this, I love him but I'm not ready, I love him but I don't wanna hurt him, I love him but I don't wanna get hurt. He turned his face away as he waited for an answer from me.

             "Vio, I'm scared not just for me but for you."

             "Are you afraid I'm gonna hurt you?"

             "Yes Vio! But at the same time, I'm afraid that I'm gonna hurt you."

             "If you want, I can leave and pretend we never met."

I didn't want to lose him either but I feel it was better we took a break, if I let my love linger for a little, it'd eventually go away.

             "Leave me Vio, let me give my mind a little time to think about this, maybe then, I can love you more than just a friend."