A MAN OUGHT NOT TO CRY

#3

I am the least in my family

The last son born of my mother

I was born to her in her old age

My father had received her surprising news with great joy

I would say I was provided everything a child would need

However, I am the last offspring, so I am looked down on

My opinions are utterly worthless

My stand in the family is unsteady just because my parents had two children before me

Who would hear my voice when those two are present?

They are heard simply because they came into the world first

And they will receive larger slices of my father’s wealth because of this

So, should my father die, I will be left with peanuts as my inheritance

While I do not pray for the old man’s death, I cannot help but think of what will become of me when the inevitable occurs

I started to think of this when my mother died

When my mother died, I knew I was on my own henceforth

I had held back the tears that stung my eyes at I watched them lower her into the ground 0n that day

I had lost the one who had always fought for me

Fought for my position in the family

Fought for my voice

Fought for my inheritance

But even then, I knew I was a man, and I ought not to cry

So, I didn’t

And now, I know must fight for myself

So, I will

And I’d fight till my last breath before I let my brothers take everything that should be mine

#2

The day my mother died I prayed it wouldn’t rain

The clouds above had been heavy and grey, and threatened to release the large volume of water they held

The ceremony had been sombre enough, I didn’t need to get drenched to prove I was sad

And I had been wearing the invaluable vestment Rexxen had gifted me

I wore it as my ode to what we had, as my last love letter to her

I had stared at my mother’s casket and my mind travelled to the death of our courtship

Rexxan had shattered my heart and clearly hadn’t felt a bit of guilt for doing so

Using carefully articulated words, she told me why she didn’t love me anymore

She had fallen for someone else

She had chosen another man over me

I stood there and listened to everything she had had to say

Even though my heart had felt like it was pumping boiled blood through my body

I had listened

Even though intense pain was radiating from my chest

I had listened

Even though most of my vision was blinded by tears

I had listened

And I refused to let her see how much her words were hurting me

After all, I was a man, how dare I cry for her

#1

I watched my father collapse on my mother’s casket at her funeral

His loud wails could be heard by everyone within the vicinity

And at the sight of his display, they turned away

Maybe they did so out of respect or to avoid seeing him in what some will later call a shameful state

Regardless of the reason, I was grateful for their averted eyes

My brothers seemed to take no notice of him, as if their minds were elsewhere and they hadn’t noticed our father

As I watched him, the constriction in my heart grew stronger

Because I understood what my father felt

Because I felt the same way he did

I was the first son of my mother, and she was the first friend I knew

She had protected me from my father’s rage when I had deserved it

She sang me to sleep is a child when nightmares ruled my dreams

She provided answers to problem I couldn’t unravel

She had believed in every aspiration I had

And now, my mother, my protector, my first friend, my first love had left me

Crack!

The rumbling of thunder above shook me from my thought

I cleaned the tears that had fallen from my eyes when I felt the first drop of rain

The sky seemed to have joined us mourning

I gathered strength and rose from where I was seated, and walked over to where my father was

I knelt next to him and drew him to me, away from her casket

I felt him shaking as his head rested on my shoulder

The raindrops started to fall more frequently, but I continued to hold him even as it began drenching us

I held him because I felt the same choking pain he felt

I held him because I understood he was just a man crying for his lost love