chapter ten

I wince a little as I try to sit up and immediately regret staying up almost all night.

Reaching for my phone, I quickly send Lizzy a text asking her to send for one of the nurses.

The problem with knowing exactly what's wrong with you even before the doctor can confirm it is that the fear sets in just as soon as the realization does.

Being a few days after my meet up with River over coffee, I've hardly seen or talked to him and a part of me is glad that I've had my break from so many confusing thoughts and emotions.

The other part is still on the fence about whether to be anxious or excited about meeting him again.

A small knock on the door drags my thoughts away from him and I sit a little straighter as I watch the nurse walk in with a bag nestled in her arms.

"Hello?" Helen, according to her name tag, gives me a small smile before setting her stuff on the unoccupied side of my bed. "Lizzy mentioned that I should go by doctor Ronald to get your medication," she places a new bag of the medication I was supposed to pick up by myself on the bedside table.

"Thank you." I tell her quietly, suddenly feeling embarrassed about having her do something that I could have done without troubling anyone.

"I will check your vitals and then run the test through Ronald before I can give you any additional medication," she says as takes my arm and feels for a pulse.

After a minute, she takes a blood sample and then gives me a shot on my arm before explaining that it will make me drowsy for a while so her best advice would be for me to remain in bed for around an hour or two.

With another grateful thank you, I smile and sink into my bed when she opens the door to leave.

I'm not surprised when I immediately begin to slip into unconsciousness.

****

The only thing that drags me away from my drug induced sleep is the small huff of air that comes a minute after a muted thud on the carpeted floor of my bedroom.

I'm quick to assume it's Lizzy or one of the other handmaids bringing by my lunch so I groggily shift my weight and turn to the side where the sound came from.

"I'm sorry to wake you!" River whispers softly but in a hurry as he bends down to collect the bottle of pills he dropped earlier. "How are you feeling?" he asks, leaning down to feel for my temperature with the back of his hand on my forehead.

I narrow my eyes to accommodate the light before fully opening them and giving him a small reassuring smile.

"I'm okay," I croak out and immediately reach for the covered glass of water on my bedside table.

I crawl to sit up against the dashboard of my bed and take the toaster-turned-cover from the glass and down half of the water in a second.

River takes a seat beside me on the bed such that he is facing me directly from waist up. I notice his slightly jittery demeanor but immediately dismiss the observation when he smiles at me, a warm and nerve wracking smile that almost sends my brain into overdrive.

"Clara mentioned you were not feeling well when I dropped by the office in the morning and I decided to come check up on you."

River's words cause me to frown a little before my eyes dart to the Mickey mouse alarm clock on the bedside table.

The frown of confusion immediately clears away when I realize it's around 3:13 in the afternoon but a new frown immediately takes it's place once I realize I missed a whole day of work.

If there's any thing I hate more than how confused I am about River at the moment, is being unproductive. Spending a whole day doing nothing at all makes me feel useless and dispensabsle.

"I'm sorry I didn't call in to notify you about it," my voice comes out hoarse and a little bit too soft due to the remorse that clogs my throat.

How did I not think to send an email to his office first thing after I realized I was going down with another bug?

"You can't be seriously beating yourself up for not notifying me you were going to miss work because you were sick Lily," River sounds almost mad at how his eyes harden before he looks away from me, "What matters is that you're okay." A silence takes over as he studies me for a moment, with a sigh he says, "I'm very sorry I didn't come earlier though."

I try to ignore the weird way my heart jumps when his eyes turn away from me as if in guilt and instead work on finishing the glass of water still clutched in my hands.

Once the glass is empty, I place it back where it was and try to ignore Rivers watchful gaze on every movement I make.

With a calculating frown, he lifts his eyes to assess me for a moment, "Have you eaten since morning?"

"No," I say with my own frown as I try to remember the last time I ate.

Seems to be a distant memory.

One that I'm not too proud of myself.

"Helen gave me a shot on the arm and left then I drifted off."

"Is your fridge still stocked?"

At his question, I furrow my brows at him and he gives me a very small smile. "Yeah." I answer uncertainly. I haven't even been in my own kitchen in almost a week except maybe when grabbing a glass of water or plain milk.

"I'll make some soup for you while you rest."

A small startled laugh comes past my lips before I can stop myself and I let the joy wash over me for a second, "I don't think it's a good idea to trust you with my kitchen."

River narrows his eyes at me before letting out a small childish huff that has me laughing quietly to myself, unable keep my composure for even a second.

This only causes him to glare at me before he speaks.

"First of all, ouch!" he starts "And secondly, I'll have you know I took a culinary class while you were off painting your nails in our sophomore year."

My humor fit dies down a little and it is my turn to give him a small glare of my own.

"I wasn't off painting my nails, it was art class, you dummy! Plus, you only took that class to impress Heidi Matteo when you overheard her say she liked guys who could cook." I say with a roll of my eyes once I remember how huge of a crush he'd had on her. "I'm pretty sure you don't even know how to work the stove."

"Sit your pretty little mouth there and watch as I make one of the best soups you've ever tasted."

I laugh as I watch him walk out of my bedroom and into the kitchen off to the other side.

He leaves the door open so that he can peek his head from across the house whenever he wants to and I let myself slide back into the mattress.

Laying on my left side in order to avoid staring at him as he starts taking some ingredients from the fridge, I huff quietly at my subconscious when she starts dancing in joy when a memory comes crashing back into my mind.

The one thing Heidi and I agreed on in our sophomore year was liking guys who cooked.

A guy who also doubled over as a prince was an added bonus.

****

I heave the last of the contents into the toilet and hug the cold marble in my arms as I try to catch a breathe.

Well, at least I don't have to worry about hygiene since I'm the only one who uses it.

"Did I fucking give you food poisoning?" River asks in shock as he passes me a glass full of water and resumes his earlier task of rubbing my back. "I'm really sorry, Lily," he says in a very sad and frightened voice and I shake my head to say something but I'm still too breathless to even move.

With a shaky hand, I place the glass down and try to urge River to stop apologising for poisoning me but I'm too weak to even open my eyes long enough to look at him.

The only time I get some semblance of energy is when he pulls his hand away from my back and mutters something about calling Doctor Ronald.

I quickly grab his leg when the beads of tears in my eyes clear away long enough for me to see before he can walk away to my room to pick his phone where he left it on the bed.

"It's-it's not p-poisoning," I huff breathlessly and give him what I assume to be a very tired smile, "just a little stomach bug," I tell him after taking in enough air to allow me to talk.

"Are you sure? You look very sick," He continues in a worried tone but he slides down next to me by the toilet and gently tugs my head to his chest. "I could call your mom if you want." He offers quietly.

I refuse to acknowledge the blush that stains my cheeks at the action or the way my chest spreads with warmth when he hugs me close to him and rests his chin on top of my head while he murmurs about everything being okay.

"I just need a minute," I whisper against his chest and I feel him go stiff.

With a clearing of the throat, he sighs and his thumb resumes the small patterns on my upper arm while his other hand massages my scalp gently.

"You'll be fine," he reassures me, "I'm right here." He whispers softly before hugging me a little bit tighter.