chapter fifteen

The sight of River disheveled in my office knocks me weak in my knees. I'm somehow reminding myself how to breathe while exploring this heady feeling I get from the breathlessness his sight deals me.

"Hey." River spins from his spot at the window and immediately strides towards me.

Like an instinct, I turn the knob on my door to lock it and set my phone on my table as I try to keep a distance from him.

How does someone look breathtaking even when he has no ounce of collection on him?

His shirt is somehow managing to stay tucked and untucked in his black dress pants, his hair is a whole new enticing mess that I can't get my eyes off of and his whole demeanor screams tortured and agonized as he finally reaches for my arm to stop my fidgeting.

"Are you drank?" I ask him again as I watch how jerky his movements are.

"Just a little," he whispers before he licks his lips and takes a step closer. That one action draws all my attention to his moist and glistening lips.

Why can't he be a normal guy I can say no to and move on?

"You can't get drank in the middle of the day and walk around like that, River." I scold as I try to reign in all my emotions and tug my hand away from his.

He doesn't let go.

"Are you worried? Do you care that this would ruin my image?" River asks with a wicked smile and I sigh. It's been a very long while since I last dealt with a tipsy River. "Or does this just mean more work to you?" he frowns at the question and I roll my eyes when he seems to get upset at the thought.

"What happened? Why are you drank?" I ask him instead of reassuring that I care about him just as much as I care about me.

"Have you had a new year's kiss every year since you left for college?" His out of the blue question makes me narrow my eyes at him and shake off his grip.

We are always on this back and forth trail when he can't seem to say what he is meant to.

"Whatever happened then doesn't concern you." I try to put as much distance between us as I possibly can.

I shouldn't have locked the door.

"Did you miss me at least?"

"What do you really want from me?" I ask, feeling really annoyed that he's trying to dig into something he will never be able to fix.

"I just want to know why you pushed me away." he sulks and I sigh.

"Because we didn't want the same things then. Besides, you ignored me first." I tell him and immediately regret it because when the memories surface in the back of my head I begin to feel the urge to cry and yell at him. "Can you drop this now?" I ask softly.

"I'm sorry," he reaches for me before I can comprehend what he's apologizing for and I immediately stiffen when he pulls me in for a hug. "I'm really sorry." he soothes into my hair before pulling back slightly.

I think by now I have gone through all the motions of stress and strain my body can go through due to his little touchings and the look he gives me every damn time.

So when his thumb runs along my cheek and rests close to the corner of my lips, the gasp that escapes me almost feels like it releases some of the stress with it.

"So beautiful," he murmurs as his dark eyes follow the movement of his thumb on my bottom lip.

There's no denying that I'm halfway across an orgasm and that my brain is too fried to even think straight but I'm glad to have just enough strength to push him away before he leans in closer.

"You're a little drank."

"Yet I still want this," he says, drawing me back and there's not an ounce of me that's fighting him.

Someone slap some sense into me and remind how bad this is going to hurt after all this pleasure.

"I don't." I say breathlessly.

"Don't you?" River challenges with a smirk as he leans in closer, looking smug when I take in a sharp breathe. "We're going to do it slowly and if you don't like it we'll stop. No pressure." he whispers the last part against my lips and I have nothing, not even a single fibre in me to stop him from claiming my lips afterwards.

I breathe into the kiss the moment our lips touch and immediately place my hands on his chest as his go for my hair. Both of them!

When a low growl escapes him I almost physically push myself against him, almost beg him not to stop.

I'm just about to open up when he pulls away from me and hugs me to him as a way to stop my protest when I try to reattach our lips.

Fucking great!

"So fucking amazing." he murmurs into the crook of my neck. "We can't keep going. I need to stop." he begs and I try to shake my head.

We can keep going for a while and then stop. That's what I'm about to tell him when he pulls away and catches my gaze, his eyes a myriad of emotions I can't even begin to put into words.

The look he gives me is both soft and fiery, somehow contented yet also pleading for more and with all the contradictions on him I don't know if I want him more or to run away from him.

"Slow," he promises. "Four kisses for every year you've been away from me," he adds softly, "because you shouldn't have stayed away that long."

"All at once?" the prospect of him kissing me again and that this isn't just a fluke, that he has it all planned out gives me the confidence I need to tease him.

"You know we can't just kiss. Not when you're being naughty." he bites my bottom lip and I moan so loud I feel embarrassed afterwards.

When I open my eyes, I find River smiling softly at me and I avert my eyes to his chest, which doesn't help since I somehow managed to unbutton his shirt and I'm now staring at the best sight since I found out what being horny meant.

"You'll remember this?" I ask, suddenly remembering that he was tipsy. "All of it?"

"I'll shoot myself if I don't," he says and kisses my forehead. "I miss sleepovers. We should do one tonight."

"Will you behave?"

"If I don't, am I at risk of losing you again?"

"Slow," is all I say.

"No walking out," he states and even though I don't know exactly what this is, I nod.

I'll figure it out in the midst of all this warmth that engulfs me when he pecks my lips and pulls away.

"See you tonight."