Advances

'Even though we both break up tonight, and you say you hate me. I know everything will be alright.'

Att: your heart.

Fear

A new emotion with which I learned to live.

Since I can remember, I have always had the idea that the worst things happened to me, because I had to grow up too early, I lived with fear, sadness, very little happiness and love in my childhood, I only know that I lost everything that mattered most to me in the worst way I thought they were things that had happened to all children, that's why I didn't take it very seriously, but something deep inside me told me that it wasn't right, that nothing around me was good and that I had to run away and be happy, but no, I couldn't because I was just a child and I didn't have anyone else either, it was just me against the world, I knew that no one would support me, that's why I began to wish for many things, at that age I didn't imagine the damage that my words could have, but everything has a consequence and it was just what happened but I never imagined that everything would happen to me in just minutes.

Like I said, I had to grow up too early.

I had to learn to fend for myself, and that caused me not to trust anyone, it caused my distrust, my fear, my anxiety and my panic of showing the world my vulnerability. Just... He didn't want people to see the big life mess he creates out of fear, despair and loneliness. What could I do? He was just a kid back then.

A boy who lost everything, when he least expected it.

You can't be happy all the time.

While I'm asleep I think of all the roads I've taken. In the decisions that led me to who I am now, in the mistakes that made me learn in the worst way.

The paths that brought me back here. To the world.

To the reality that overwhelms me and blinds me and doesn't allow me to move on... Not because it won't let me, but because I don't allow it.

And i ask myself.

Is life at its peak now?

Is it stuck in first gear?

When will it all go away?

When will the happy times come?

When will I be myself again?

Now I understand that nothing I want can be if I don't take the first step, I have been living under my own torment wishing that the suffering would go away and I could be happy.

But as they say you can't get things like that for free, everything has a price and mine is to overcome and move on.

Step by Step.

Word by word.

Advance by advance.