Chapter 57

"Wait, what the —" Jesus looks around the room that he's doubtlessly never seen before in his life. "Where—" His gaze lands on Michael and Lucifer, and he groans in frustration. "Oh my gosh, seriously? You two?"

Lucifer puts on an overly cheerful smile as if he just witnessed a kitten bungee jump into a volcano to rescue a puppy and come out with an extra three hamsters and a koala. "Aw, he still say 'oh my gosh'!" he mock gushes, looking over at Michael.

"What a cute little goodie two shoes!" Michael adds in the same mocking way.

Jesus looks up at the ceiling in exasperation as if praying to Chuck to save him. He probably is. Too bad Chuck is up there making some popcorn to watch the show.

Jo looks at Michael warily, then takes a step away. What's up with him?

"What's going on?" Jesus asks.

"Well —" Lucifer starts, but Jesus interrupts.

"Would anyone care to explain what is happening right now?"

"Dad's a douche and we gotta roll with it," Gabriel fills in.

Jesus seems somewhat relieved that the youngest archangel is here, but when his gaze lands on Kali, his expression is filled with disapproval instead.

"I'm sorry, can someone explain what the hell is going on to ?" Dean asks.

"Basically," Gabriel says, "you'd be smart to never talk to any of those three unless you want to get stuck on the crossfire of a very entertaining war."

"Yeah, great. I don't talk to either of 'em anyway," Dean replies, then gestures to the new arrival. "Who's ?"

He circles his face with his finger. ", Jesus?"

Sam and Dean both look between Jesus and Gabriel quizzically, but it's Sam that asks the question when it becomes clear that Dean has no idea how to respond to this.

"He's another one of your tricks, isn't he?"

"I'm what now?" Jesus asks.

"No, he's not mine," Gabriel replies simply.

Sam feels a pang of disappointment when Gabriel doesn't make a joke out of his answer. He undoubtedly would have if Dean had asked instead.

"Then what's up with the," Dean mocks the finger-face circle, " thing?"

"Gabriel used to have really low standards when it came to friends," Michael tells him.

"Well, maybe not just 'used to,'" Lucifer adds, eyeing Sam and Kali.

"Okay, great," Jesus says sarcastically. "Nice to see you again. Only, like, it's not. Now, how do I get out of here?"

"You don't," Lucifer replies.

"You're stuck here with us," Michael tells him.

"At full power," Lucifer adds.

"With virtually no rules," Michael finishes.

The two eldest archangels share a smirk. "What could go wrong?"

Jesus' eyes widen slightly at that, and he takes a step away. "Alright, um... Can we, like... not kill each other?"

"No one's killing anyone," Lucifer assures him.

"But that's the only rule," Michael adds mischievously.

"Everything else is fair game," Lucifer finishes.

" tell me this is a joke," Jesus pleads.

"We could, but we'd be lying," Michael replies.

"Head start?" Lucifer offers.

Jesus looks between the two archangels for a moment, then takes off running down the halls. The archangels just laugh.

"So, where do we start?" Michael asks.

"Please, you're the evil genius," Lucifer reminds him.

"Well, I guess it depends —"

"What the hell is going on?" Jo interrupts.

Michael looks at Lucifer helplessly. This isn't the side of him that she knows, but she definitely knows Lucifer for being evil. Maybe he can help.

"Nothing," Lucifer says dismissively. "I'm stealing your boyfriend for a little bit. Go hang out with someone else."

"But —"

"Unless, of course, you'd like to become target number two?" Lucifer asks with a smirk.

Jo glares at him, then walks away. Now, who does she talk to? Ah, whatever. She'll go talk to Sam and Jess.

"Tell me before you do anything fun so I can watch!" Gabriel says to his brothers.

"Will do!" Lucifer replies before looking back at Michael. "So, what now?"

~~

~~

"You two mind if I leave for a second?" Sam asks the two blondes next to him.

"Go ahead," Jo replies dismissively.

Sam gives her a nod before walking over to the archangel leaning on the table in the war room. He takes a deep breath, asking himself if it's worth it. But he wants answers, and this is the only way to get them.

"Hey," Sam greets him.

Gabriel glances behind him, doing a double take when he sees who it is. "Sam. What's — what's up?"

"Just..." He gestures to the hushed conversation between Michael and Lucifer. "That."

Gabriel nods slowly, waiting for him to continue because there isn't much to say to that.

"What's up with them?" Sam asks.

"That's none of your concern," Kali tells him, obviously not happy with the hunter distracting her boyfriend. "If you want answers, ask them."

"Don't ask them," Gabriel says quickly. "They're in their evil schemey mood, and wouldn't hesitate to Han Solo you."

"You mean with the light saber to the chest?" Sam asks.

"Actually, I was thinking the concrete, but either works," Gabriel replies.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Before an awkward silence can ensue, Sam asks, "But what's going on with them?"

"What's going on with Lucifer and Michael, or what's going on with them and Jesus?"

"Uh... Both?"

"I think Chuck got them to make up, and now they're furthering their long standing feud with none other than our lord and savior himself," Gabriel explains.

"Why don't you help?"

Gabriel shrugs. "They'd beat me to shreds. Not worth it."

"Wouldn't you be working them?"

"If I had to pick, I'd rather help Jesus," he explains. "Level the playing field a bit. But this war isn't mine, so I'm staying out of it. You should, too, if you know what's good for you."

"Alright," Sam agrees. "I'll let them have their hissy fit, I guess."

"Good idea."

The two stand in silence for a moment. Sam knows now is the time for him to go back to Jo and Jess, but he finds himself hesitating. He misses talking to Gabriel, and it seems the feeling is mutual, though he could be imagining it. But neither have anything left to say, so they don't speak at all, just getting lost in each other's eyes.

Kali finally intervenes. "Thanks for the chat. Can you go now?"

And as much as Sam doesn't want to, he knows he has no other choice, so he walks away without another word.