Chapter 56

"How'd it go?" Michael asks Jo, as if Lucifer ignoring them isn't proof that their relationship didn't mend like Michael and Lucifer's relationship did, if theirs did get better at all. His brother just give him the cold shoulder for seemingly no reason.

"It's Lucifer. Take a guess," she deadpans. He'd never guess it, of course, but she wouldn't want him to, anyway.

"Not well?" he guesses.

"Definitely not well," she replies.

"You could give him a chance," Michael suggests, mostly out of pity for his brother.

.

She let him choose to think that it meant something. She allowed him the opportunity to make what happened between them something more than a simple way to pass the time. Maybe if he had been willing to give them a chance... Well, maybe they could have worked something out.

But it doesn't matter. He rejected the notion with cold sarcasm, and that's the end of that.

"I don't think he deserves a chance," she says finally.

Michael sighs. He could try to dissuade her, but why bother? It probably wouldn't last long, anyway. Lucifer doesn't seem to be ready for any type of relationship, with the possible exception of his friendship with Gabriel. That's just how it's got to be.

~~

"That would be a no go on plan Michifer," Chuck announces.

Amara sighs and rejoins him at the Earth Monitor. "What happened now?"

"I honestly do not know," Chuck replies. "Lucifer just, like, ignored him."

"You could stick 'em in a room together again," Amara suggests.

Chuck shrugs. "Can't hurt."

~~

Suddenly, Lucifer and Michael find themselves in a room together. Michael tries to open the door, but they were both decently sure it was locked, and they were right.

"So, Michael says," curious as to whether Lucifer will still talk to him. "How was your time with Jo?"

"Depends," he replies. "What'd she tell you?"

"That's irrelevant." If he knows Jo said it was horrible, he will, too, but right now, Michael wants to hear thoughts, not hers repeated.

Lucifer shrugs. "Then I guess it was fine?"

"Okay, that's good," Michael replies.

"Yeah, I guess."

And silence.

~~

"They seem friendly enough," Amara observes.

"Shut your facehole," Chuck shushes her immediately. "I'm trying to eavesdrop here!"

~~

"So, how about you and Jo?" Lucifer asks. "What's up with you two?"

Michael shrugs. "What do you want to know?"

He knows exactly what he wants to know, but he's not sure how to be subtle about it. Ah, whatever. Screw subtly.

"Have you two done the do yet?" he asks.

"You mean have we had sex?" Michael asks, forever oblivious to everything ever.

Lucifer rolls his eyes. "Yes, Michael. I mean have you had sex."

"No, we haven't," he tells his brother. "We're not in a relationship."

"Ah."

"Not that I'd mind," Michael adds.

"I'm sorry, what now?"

Michael looks down at the floor awkwardly. "I like Jo. She's a good person with a big heart, and... well, I'd kind of like to be more than just friends. I know that probably sounds ridiculous, but —"

~~

Chuck's eyes go wide. "Nope! Abort mission! I repeat, abort mission!"

He quickly snaps them back to the war room before his eldest can say another word. He lets out a long breath. Gotta love God reflexes.

~~

Lucifer and Michael find themselves standing together where Michael had been before. Jo is still there, now next to Lucifer instead of Michael. Lucifer raises an eyebrow at the spastic turn of events.

All he says before returning to his wall is, "I think Dad's on drugs."

~~

Chuck sighs. "Okay, what's up with Michael and Lucifer?"

Amara shrugs. "I guess Michael would rather talk to Jo than talk to Lucifer." She pauses, then adds, "Or Lucifer would rather talk to no one than talk to Michael Jo."

"Well, quick, how do I fix that?" Chuck asks.

"How would I know?"

Chuck sighs and sits down in front of his computer. Now, um... what does one Google for this?

~~

"What was that about?" Jo asks the eldest archangel.

Michael shrugs. "You heard him. Our father is on drugs."

~~

"Amara! Amara Amara Amara Amara Amara Amara Amara Ama—"

"What?" she interrupts.

"You know that universe where the universe that this universe is a spinoff of is just a tv show?" Chuck asks.

"Yes..."

"And you know that guy Mark Pellegrino?"

"Again, yes, I do," she replies. "Are you getting to a point soon?"

"Well, there's this person who is obsessed with him named Lucifer's Tempest and they had an awesome idea."

"What is it?"

"Watch." Chuck snaps his fingers, and suddenly, your focus is back on the war room woahhhhhh.

With a flap of his wings, Lucifer is next to his older brother, not even phased by Jo's presence. He nudges the eldest archangel in the arm, not very gently, getting an annoyed look from the angel.

"Michael, look," he says, gesturing with his head.

"What?" Michael follows his gaze. His eyes widen when he sees who Lucifer was looking at. "Oh my father, is that..."

"Jesus fucking Christ."