64. THE REMORSE

Here I am , in front of the hospital to meet Cera , Nora's friend . I hope it goes well.

" Let us go . ", Serena as she enters the hospital .

" Yeah , let us . ", I say while following her .

This hospital isn't so grand like the one where I was admitted to but its also clean and tidy . But screams of injured patients are more frightening in this hospital . I don't want to hear these screams anymore but what can I do .

" By the way . What is wrong with Sam ? ", Serena .

" What do you mean ? ", I ask .

" You know he has been acting werid lately . ", Serena .

"He is a weirdo so its nothing surprising . " , I answer .

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" Yeah that is true but he is acting weirder than usual . You know he is always looking at you and smiling or frowning . ", Serena .

" What ? No . Why would he look at me all the time ? ", I ask .

Oh I am getting a sense of deja vu . Now I remember why .

" Well , it might be because he wants to right another story using my life as an inspiration . ", I say .

" Yeah , maybe but its weird . Why don't you tell him to stop staring at you like that ? ", Serena .

Why did she mention him ? Now I my mind has played all the embarrassing moments in my head which make me want to kill myself .

" Its fine . I don't care if people stare at me or glare at me . As long as he doesn't bother me . I don't care . ", I say .

Serena just nods her head .

" Do you know in what room number Cera is admitted ? ", I ask.

" Yeah , I do . I asked her parents about it . ", Serena .

" So her parents know that we are going to meet her . ", I say .

" Yeah , they were actually very happy about it. They want her to talk with someone . ", Serena.

" Here it is . ", Serena as we enter the room .

The hospital room is painted white . Cera is lying on the bed . Her eyes are open . When we enter her eyes move to see our movements . She looks better than I thought. There are also several flowers on her bed side .

" Hey . How are you feeling Cera ? ", I ask .

" Who are you ? ", she asks .

Well , this is awkward . 😬😬😬

" We are your school mates . We came to see you . ", Serena .

" O , but I don't know you . ", Cera .

" Its fine . Well , my name is Serena and she is Myra . We are both from 11th grade . ", Serena introduces herself .

" I means both of you are my seniors . ", Cera .

" Yeah .", I say .

Its too quiet in here . The air is so tense . I knew it will be awkward . Serena is nudging me with her shoulders to say something .

" Ummm ...Cera . Actually ...I - I want to ask you . Why did you - You know ? ...", I try to something but fail no matter what .

" Why did I try to commit suicide ? You want to ask why did I try to kill myself then spread rumours about me .", Cera spat .

" No , I just wanted to ask you . Why did you give up on yourself ? Was it because of some kind of exam pressure or something else? We want to know how you feel so that we can try to mend our school environment . Not because we want to satisfy our curiosity or anything but because we want to make our school a better . So , please help us to know where we are lacking . ", I say .

" Your speech is so great but you know what I don't care . Just get lost . This place is a hell and it will always be because of people like me . ", Cera started sobbing .

AFTER A WHILE :

" Look I just want to talk to you . We have to know what happened so that it does not happen to anyone else . Cera , did someone hurt you ? " , I ask .

" No , no one hurt me . I am a monster . Who can hurt a monster like me . ", Cera .

" Humans are all like that . We are all evil . We all hurt each other knowingly or unknowingly . Sometimes because we think we are right and the other person is wrong , sometimes out of petty jealousy , we all hate each other like that ; its nothing out of ordinary . None of us are saints . " I say .

" But I - I hurt her I - Instead of helping her I hurt her . " Cera crying .

Perhaps she is talking about Nora .

" We all do that . ", I say .

" No , don't you understand . I pushed her to commit suicide . I killed her I am the murderer . I don't deserve to live . ", Cera .

" What do you mean ? ", I ask .

" Nora and I were childhood friends . We played together , studied together ...We were always together but at some point I don't know what exactly happened but we started to compete with each other especially me . I wanted to be better than her in every way because my mother always told me to be like her . It drove me crazy . I remember one day I bought an exquisite bag of famous designer when she saw it she became jealous and asked her parents to buy one for her too . But for some reason they didn't . I remember how she was so jealous of me for the first time . We continued to envy and suppress each other in a passive aggressive way but finally it was all over . We couldn't handle it anymore and broke up on her 13 th birthday when I threw cake on her face and she pulled my hair . After that we became sworn enemies . Last year I heard that her parents we were fighting constantly with each other . I didn't know that she was hurting so much . So I decided to circulate the rumour about her parents that they were getting divorced but she didn't show that it affected her . She smiled all the time . Even though her all friends left her alone she still smiled . Finally I started to bully her . I tore her notebook , trashed her desk ; I did everything to make her life more miserable . 8 months before her parents got divorced and remarried . Both of them left her alone with servants . At last she couldn't take it anymore and killed by cutting her wrists . ", Cera crying loudly .

" I want to die . I don't want to live . ", Cera .

" You are right you have no right to live . ", Serena .

Oh I forgot that she was also here .