Wrong vs Wrong

''Damn its 4:00 am already?" I notice the time as Maverick drives me, Fuse and Allure home. We got back from the retreat at some point in the afternoon but Allure somehow convinced us all to stay out for a bit.

Well, what was supposed to be for a bit.

*******

"Guyyyyysss come on I know you're not in a rush to go back home" Allure whined, "and y'all already know I'm tryna have one last hoorah before I go back to work thus week!"

"Allure, we got back from a spiritual retreat, not spring break. Chill," Maverick responded, probably knowing that Allure was plotting a wild night.

Fuse and I giggled at his annoyance but Allure just rolled her lenses and inched closer to me in the backseat. She gently placed a grabber on my reach rod, looked knowingly into my lenses and whispered,

"I know you're not ready for our fun to end. Remember what we talked about in that cabin? There's so much more I can show you." She said that last part while flashing that persuasive smile of her's. Just like that, my logic left and desire took over.

''Hey, I'm down!" I said to the others.

Fuse looked over her shoulder at me suspiciously.

"Girl, didn't you tell Aroha on the phone earlier that you were gonna be home before dark so you guys could do something special tonight?" Fuse tried to remind me, although I didn't forget.

"Oh......yeah.......well I'll tell her I'll be there a litle later than planned. It's whatever."

Fuse then shot a suspicious look at Allure and turned back to stare out her window.

"Alright, if you really think she's gonna be cool with that" She said with a sigh.

Of course Aroha wouldn't be cool with that. Solely, because I would be spending more time with Allure. I know Aroha can sense the hold Allure has on me. I could tell by how hostile she got when I told her Allure would be on the retreat. I know that it eats at her to think about me getting closer to Allure, leaving her to wonder whether I can resist her or not. That's why I could never admit to her that I have failed to do just that. I have failed over and over again.

Allure and I have had a few moments over the past few months where we got a little too friendly. Like that time in the park when she held my grabber and I interlocked my grippers with hers. Or when we danced just a little too closely at that jazz bar she took me to. Or when we strayed from the group during the retreat to dip into a calm river nearby. Just the two of us in our bras and shorts with nothing but the sound of rustling leaves, crickets and gentle splashes of water.

I should've known better.

I should have stopped myself from wrapping my reach rod around her waist while gently moving her bangs from her face. Even with close calls like these, it wasn't until the last night of the retreat that we did the unspeakable.

*******

It was late at night. We had all went back to our separate mini cabins for bed, but I was far from falling asleep. I wanted to call Aroha but of course, on a spiritual retreat in the middle of nowhere, electronics weren't allowed. No access to the outside world, therefore no access to my girl.

Anyways, my mind was racing as it usually does when I'm alone:

"I wonder if THEY know where I am right now."

"What if they go to my home and hurt Aroha?!"

"Damn I miss her. I wish she came with us."

"Nah that would just cause drama with Allure. I wonder if she's down to chill right now. I bet she's awake."

" I wish Fuse was awake, then I wouldn't be so damn bored."

" Mav might be up. Wait, but if I go to his cabin Allure would be there. Wait, why does that matter?! She's as much of a friend as Fuse and Mav are."

"Oh cut the crap!"

Suddenly, I heard a light knock on the door followed by a piece of paper being slid under the door.

"You up?," the note read.

I instantly knew it was Allure. I slightly open the door, careful not to wake Fuse. There she was standing in a long, pink silk night gown, smirking at me.

"I knew you'd be up."

"Yeah, Fuse knocked out pretty early. I'm kinda bored to be honest."

"Come on", she said reaching for my grabber, which I of course gave to her because, well, it's her.

We walked around as she showed me all these different sites that she had found on her own. At some point we had gotten so far from camp that I'm convinced we would have needed a map to find our way back if Allure hadn't already traveled this route before.

" Ok, I have to be honest." she said with a deep sigh "I've been stalling this whole time."

"What?"

"This is what I really wanted to show you tonight".

She pushed past some bushes and revealed this mini cabin. She slowly opened the door while holding my grabber. The place was decorated with bright pink flowers and lavenders along the walls. Hot pink flower petals were scattered across the floor. There was a bed placed against the left side wall; covered in silk bed sheets and pillow cases that were the colour of lilacs. On the nightstand beside the bed was a little salt lamp providing a dim, orange light.

"Can you smell the lavenders?" Allure asked nervously.

"Uh...yeah...yeah I do."

"Great! I would have went with a perfume fragrance but, well, you know the rules. And Maverick would probably be on my back about how it 'defeats the purpose of this whole trip' or some shit" she said, mocking Maverick's deep, sluggish voice. "Besides, I was kind of hoping the lavender would um....calm me down a little bit", she giggled nervously.

"You did all this?! Wow...its beautiful but ....why?"

"I-um, I wanna show you something"

I should have known at that point that something was up. Allure is never nervous around me. In fact, I don't think I have ever seen her nervous around anybody. Ever.

I took a seat on the floor as she reached for a flute and a tiny drum, a darbuka drum I think it's called, which I didn't notice laying in the corner of the single room cabin. She stood in front of me and began to blow into the flute while using the hand mimicking drum pedal to pound the drum.

Oh God.

I know this song.

Alabina by Ishtar Alabina & Los Ninos De Sara

Her and Maverick said they grew up listening to the song and showed it to me and Fuse this one time when we were all hanging out. Some of it was in Spanish, I recognized it a little bit at the beginning. Some of it is Arabic. Of course, Allure and Mav used it as an opportunity to school us in the language.

De Granada a Casablanca

Enterre mi fantasia

Una guitarra y una gitana catana

Canta mi Andalucia (2):

From Grenada to Casablanca

It enters into my imagination

A guitar and a Gypsy sings

Sings about my Andalusia (2x)

Yalabina yalla

Ya habibi yalla:

Let's go, let's go

Darling, let's go

Nifrah win ool, masha Allah:

Let's get happy, say 'Oh my God'

Yalabina ala tool

Yalabina ala tool

Yalabina ala tool:

Let's go straight ahead

Ah ya aili, waili, waili, waili

Ulu shalla:

Oh my torment, my torment, my torment

I tell him "God willing"

Ayunak helwa

Shafayek ghenwa (2x):

Your eyes are beautiful

Your lips sing (2x)

I added the song to my playlist that night.

I knew what she was doing. The silk sheets, the flowers, the aroma, the song. I have never been more attracted to her than at that very moment. I felt so special, excited and warm on the inside, but I knew I shouldn't.

Damnit, why couldn't I get myself to leave?

Allure finished with a big smile on her face; her beautiful emerald green eyes shining in the light.

"You remember the words to that song?"

"Yes!," I answered a little too quickly,

"Do you remember what it's about? The English translations?" She grinned suggestively.

"Of course I do," I answered slowly, trying not to look as flustered as I was feeling,

"Allure, that was amazing and beautiful and-"

"I did it for you," she interrupted," I mean the lyrics make me think of you so I been trying to learn it on my flute and drums so I could explain my feelings for you, but like, in a more exciting way. The song kinda describes it.....perfectly."

I could feel my mind getting clouded and sustainer beating faster while every other part of me grew weaker. As if the heat of the moment was actually melting me. I had to stop this with any bit of control I had left. I forced myself to look away and take a deep breath to regroup.

"Allure, you know I think you're amazing and exciting, talented and beautiful. But I love Aroha. You know that. She's everything to me."

"Maybe, but you can't say that I'm nothing to you. Or that any of our time alone is nothing to you. I know you would have kissed me down at that river if you didn't second guess yourself."

"Ok, well, that's the point! I almost messed up but I thought about Aroha and didn't do it."

"Ok ,well, yeah that may be your logic talking but what about what your soul feels. The feelings that guide you without having to think about it. Isn't that what we came to this retreat for?! To understand and be more aware of what's going on in that part of us. The purest, most authentic part of us?"

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying that if there's anything I've learned these past two weeks is that I don't want to let labels, obstacles or anything in this world stop me from pursuing what I know in my soul is real. And what we have Moon, is real.

Is it?

I mean besides the obvious attraction I've felt for her. There are also many times that I feel undeniably close to her. Like when we talk about music, our jobs, pasts, our hopes and dreams. When I helped her make that double-hand pedal she just brought out so she can play her drums while using her hands to play other instruments. She makes me even more motivated to go out and learn more about the world and myself.

Maybe that's what I need.

"You're not like anyone I've ever met Moon." She moved close to me now and gently placed her grabbers on both sides of my face. "You're so enthusiastic about life on Earth, which most people I know take for granted. You're smart, determined, beautiful, strong, a bad ass engineer and basically a fucking alien! You're from a whole other planet for fuck's sake!"

I giggled shyly; worn down by the compliments and her touch.

"I want to learn more from you. I want do more with you. I want more memories and adventures with you." She slowly moved a gripper to my bottom lip and gently stroked it while she whispered, "And I want to show more things to you." She pressed her lips against mine and I was helpless under her spell.

The moments following that was euphoric bliss, but the moment it was over was terrifying guilt.

I quickly rolled over and put my clothes on.

"Wait, Moon are you okay-"

"That never should've happened!" Tears began rolling down my face.

"Moon, don't say that, we did nothing wrong-"

"LIKE HELL WE DIDN'T!" I ran out devastated about what I let happen. Luckily, I was able to find my way back to my cabin on my own. Thank God Fuse was still fast asleep because she never let's me walk around looking upset without trying to figure out why and what she can do. Nobody can find out about what we did. Not Fuse, not Maverick and definitely not Aroha. I crawled into my bed and cried until I fell asleep.

When the sun came up Allure and I acted as if that night never happened as we all got on our merry way back home.