Chapter ５

"I'm pleased you didn't." Absolutely, definitely, positively, absolutely, the truth. My feelings for David are difficult to put into words. It's complicated, I don't always understand what's going on, and there have been moments when I really disliked him. The need I have, though, goes well beyond mere desire.

Just plain desire.

I finally acted on that desire last year. It doesn't take much mental effort to be transported back to the time when we were sitting in the back of that town vehicle together. Referring to the noise he made as my skirt slipped up and exposed my underwear. If I were on better terms with authority, it would have ended there. To test if he would intervene and maybe even take control of the situation myself. So, I reached down into my underwear and had a messy orgasm as he sat there, still as a statue. My experience with him that evening was completely touch-free. God, nevertheless, he was watching.

More times than I want to admit, I've masturbated while thinking about the sound he made and the fire in his eyes.

"Anna, I can't stand the way you're staring at me like that. No is the correct response.

“But—”

“No.”

Feelings of disappointment are slapping me. Of course I anticipated that this may happen. Every year for the last six years, I've made this man's life a living hell for him. Even though he seems superhuman, I know he's only a regular guy. Last year, I may have made a big deal out of nothing when he responded in that way. God, that's annoying. I breathe and relax back. Why should I have thought he would say anything else? Even though he has always done his job, he has never desired me. I can't be so self-centered as to expect more of him after everything he's been through.

I couldn't have progressed without taking a go at it, and although it stinks that it wasn't well accepted, at least I won't have to spend the rest of my life wondering if I should have. In the past, disappointment has never been enough to keep me from going on with my life tonight, and it won't be this time. “Okay.”

His irises narrow. The word "okay" is repeated by him. “Glad we got it sorted up.”

“Same.” Before he can stop me, I turn and flash the bartender's attention. I refuse to be packed into a taxi and driven home early on my birthday since it is the first night of my freedom. The moment has come to switch to "Plan B."

The opposite is true; his eyes get much more narrow. Plans B aren't something I'm going to like.

“Probably not, but since I’m twenty-five and you’ve washed your hands of me, you don’t really have a say.” As the bartender brings me a second drink, I give him a friendly nod and a grin. “Thanks, sweetie. There's nothing for the miserable guy sitting next to me.

“Anna.” That wonderful thread of caution in my name. “Explain.”

To which the speaker responds, "Oh, right." I don’t take a sip, but I do pick up the glass. Seeing as how today is the actual day I turn 25, I've decided to throw myself a real party to mark the occasion. I can’t do it alone. I have a ride home for someone tonight. I'm not at home, but I have a hotel reservation. First and foremost, we must prioritize safety.

It causes David to flinch. He resembles a cat that has been smacked in the face with a newspaper. Someone else will have to do it if not me. It was that simple.

Was your ego hurt by that? Despite the lingering pain in my chest from being rejected, I offer him a slow grin. If you're not interested in my plan to take you upstairs and rock your world till dawn, I'm sure someone else in this pub is.

I've always been intrigued; I never claimed otherwise. He pauses awkwardly but then lets out a swear. To which the speaker said, "That's not right."

It's my time to close my eyes now. “Appropriate.” I need to let this go. I may act like a spoilt wealthy girl most of the time, but I can accept "no" when I hear it. It's a done deal; David has emphatically disapproved. The more you pursue this, the worse it will become.

Aside from that... he just opened the door he slammed in my face two minutes ago.

So that I may concentrate, I shake my head. I told myself I would let it go, that I would keep things respectable, but how can I not reply to something like, "David?" Appropriate? It's ludicrous to even consider. In a vehicle last year, you saw me masturbating in the rear. Exactly why do you think it's a good time to debate propriety?

For an instant, his eyes become molten, and then he shuts it off, but it's already too late. I've witnessed it. Wow, I really misjudged his attitude that evening. So, David McGuire is interested in me. If that expression was any indication, a whole lot.

He looks aside for a moment. Again, I'll say it: "That shouldn't have occurred."

For some reason, I feel the need to debate. I had to stifle an outburst of argumentation by clamping my lips together. To put it bluntly, I refuse to beg. In no uncertain terms will I do so. It's his call if he doesn't want to take things further with me. “Okay.”

Now that it's out of the way..."

I can only shake my head in disbelief. “No. Restate your attempt. As I mentioned before, I understand if you're not interested. Your role as my protector has ended. You are relieved of any responsibility to find me or to fret about my whereabouts. But if you are not my guardian and you don't want to fuck me, then you have no right to dictate how the remainder of my night is spent.

“Anna.”

It seems weird, yet I stroke his shoulder. Enjoy yourself. My apologies for my lack of tact on occasion; please accept my sincere gratitude. With my voice cracking, I halt. No. No, nothing like that. This is a joyous occasion, and although I will remember the past, I look forward to a promising future. We'll be putting the Chapter to rest tonight. Even if it was just once a year, I appreciate you being there.