5th Chapter

Finnja

I miss the feeling of freedom, independence and most of all hope. But the feeling of jealousy.... Lately I want to get rid of this feeling as soon as possible. Not only that makes me worry, but also the material of the school subjects, which I should definitely not underestimate. Since I'm not so happy with my grades so far, I should definitely try harder. The girls in my class seem to be quite nice after all. Apparently, first impressions aren't always that important.

Many exciting things have happened. Jessica seems so calm and overjoyed when she talks about Jannik. As if she was in another dimension. I love listening to her rave about him. That distracts me at least for a short time. Sandy is now definitely in love with Lukas. She keeps talking about him and her in the future and how beautiful his smile is. All this hopefulness is useless anyway, because she has one hundred percent no chance with him. I think about him and his smile all the time until I realize what I just did again. Not paying attention in class, and all because of a boy. Does Lukas honestly mean anything to me? So much that I'm in love with him? That would make sense and also explain the jealousy.

I spent the next few days trying to figure out if there was any truth to these feelings, while Sandy kept raving about Lukas and my jealousy kept growing. Finally, I realized that it was possible that I was really into Lukas. I became jealous and made sure to look as good as possible around him. Above all, I wanted his attention. But I had not spoken a word to this boy, nor did he pay attention to me or look at me in a conspicuous way. I think this still needs time, after all, school only started five weeks ago. But the biggest problem will be to explain it to Sandy. But I don't think about that for the time being. After all, I first have to find out if he is just a short flirt or if I want something serious.

I also recently started writing with a 19-year-old guy who is from Switzerland. I know he's above my age bracket, but I just want to know what he's like. So far I haven't told anyone, but he makes a sympathetic impression.

Let's see in which direction the whole thing goes....