RudyGasparrini

I got used to death before, after my grandmother, my uncle Peter, and a few of my parents' high school friends. I thought I'd be able to get used to it out here too, but I guess things are different when you're the one causing the death and when you have no one to help you get over it.

I wish I could do things right. For myself, for the people around me, the people I love. It never works out that way though. I do stupid shit and it has consequences, I know it does but I keep doing it. It's like my body will do anything to survive but my mind wants the exact opposite. 

This is not a story about love. It is not a story about heartbreak but my life revolves around that. After what I did to him it's all it can revolve around. I deserve death. He deserved to take me with him, but he didn't. Unfortunately I'm still here.



---A spin-off to the After Death series. This story focuses on a new group of survivors, including an apocalypse-orphaned 17 year old boy from Ohio named Valentine Evans, as they struggle to make a life for themselves. 

Warning: This story contains adult content and is intended only for mature audiences

FEAR WHAt I'LL BECOME AFtER DEAtH

Chapter 1: So How'd You Make It Here?

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After everything I've done and seen, I still wonder why I feel the pain and the regret. Killing people shouldn't be easy; maybe I'm an idiot to think that it should be. It's not like I always have a choice, though; if I did, I wouldn't be alone.

I remember going one month and twelve days without trust, without comfort, and my whole world being filled with bloodshed. I wish I could just go one day without hearing a gunshot. I would be able to finally sleep.

I miss my family. I had to watch them die; instead of saving them, I chose to run. Now, if I had to choose again, I don't really know what I'd do. Something tells me I did the right thing, but then again, if I had been stronger, they'd be here. I can still see their bodies. They got bit, and I can hear their screams as they begged me to help them. I can see their disappointment in me as I back away in fear. My mother never loved me, but the way she looked at me that day made me rethink that thought a little—not enough to dwell on regret, though.

The world looks the same now; everywhere you go, it's never any different. The sounds they made, the way they walked, the blood that stained their clothes—you can't escape it, and you can't forget it either.

I just wanted a sign—a break from all of this. Better yet, someone who can tell me it will all be okay I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to live like this either.

"I don't want to see anyone," I said, taking my knife swiftly into my hand as the stranger approached. The stranger paused, their eyes filled with concern. "You're bleeding from your arm; you know that, right, kid? Did you get bit?" He asked, taking a step back. He became afraid of me.

"I got shot. You're gonna need to leave."

"I can't leave you like this." The stranger's voice quivered with compassion as he continued, "Let me help you. I have some medical supplies in my bag. We can clean and dress your wound properly."

"No one has to kill anyone today. You need to rest, and I'm sure as hell not gonna leave someone in a condition like this. I'll make dinner too. You like beans, right?"

"There's not much variety these days." He chuckled slightly at my remark. "Yeah, you're right about that. It's a tough world out there. But hey, at least we still have beans, right? They're better than nothing." The stranger's attempt at lightening the mood brought a small smile to my face, despite the pain. "My name's Robert. Robert Wright. What about you? You've got a name?"

"Valentine." I folded up my knife and put it slowly back into my pocket.

"That was my daughter's favorite holiday; she always loved making cards for her classmates. She would have just finished third grade now; she was always an A student. Show me your arm; I need to take the bullet out or else it'll get infected."

"Did you do that yourself? Damn, I'm impressed."

"Why are you helping me?" I asked, curiosity lacing my words. Robert paused for a moment, his gaze fixed on the ground, before meeting my eyes with a solemn expression. "I've seen enough pain in this world," he said softly, "and if there's one thing I can do to make it a little less unbearable for someone else, then I'll do it."

(Season 1) Chapter 1 (So How'd You Make it Here?)