ACCEPTANCE

Forgiveness is hard, acceptance is doable.

Sarah Dessen.

Adora's pov.

The journey back was a quiet one, if Tony was offended by what I had said then he didn't show it , I could never be any one's friend, heck I couldn't even love or trust myself wholly regardless of how hard I tried, I was a terrible person, inside and out, and no one deserved a friend like me, especially not if they wanted to live.

Tony dropped me of exactly where he'd picked me up, I hopped of the car preparing to jog back home, I wasn't ready to show anyone my space, not yet, I cleared my throat roughly to gain his attention and when he did turn to look at me, his eyes were cold and face blank of any emotions, of course, what else did I expect.

"Have a goodnight Tony, and thank you."

He simply nodded his head then turned his car around and was on his way.

I suddenly felt lonely and sad at the turn of events and before my feelings could progress any longer i decided to run back home, to my place of solitude where I could beat myself up and curl myself in my bed after hoping that this night would atleast be different from all the previous nights, but I knew I would only be hurting myself further from having even the slightest of hope about my life becoming a little better.

My house was quiet as always, the surrounding trees with swaying branches and falling leaves were the only sounds to be heard and for the first time in seven years, I hated it, I hated how different my life was, I despised the peace and quiet that I once craved so much, I very much loathed how alone I had become, everything that I had worked for seemed useless right now, and there was nothing I could do.

I was my own prisoner, a prisoner of my own past, my own emotions and actions, my heart hurt at the thoughts flooding in my brain, I know I deserved all this pain, I knew I deserved this life, that I was even lucky I got to live like this after all I had done, but was that really luck? was living like this better than being dead?

Was this how I wanted to live in all my years to come, hiding away from the real world, no friends or family to come home to or to call, punishing myself for all of my mistakes, afraid of myself and of the people I'd hurt, afraid to remember what it was like, I was just a shadow of who I was before, living a life that even a measly rogue would shy away from, this was my life, after all those years of dreaming and talking about my perfect life to my parents after turning 18, this was what I got?

I let out a dry laugh, of course it was, what else did I think would happen to a female she wolf from a bloodline cursed by the moon goddess herself, this was what I got, this was all I was ever going to get, it was either this or nothing, and I chose this, I would die soon anyway, I didn't know how soon but I knew that my sins would catch up with me soon, all the bloodshed, the innocent lives I had taken or left injured all of my sins would catch up to me and the moon goddess would be more than happy to take me out.

Vona let out a sad whimper at my thoughts, she was just as broken as I was and just as guilty if not more, Tony didn't need a friend like us, we would ruin him just like we did everything everyone else who ever cared for us, we were marked by Selene, the moon goddess and It was only a matter of time before everything fell apart, and we couldn't wait for the big day, our saving grace.