Chapter 4

Carrie that Sunday didn't care how sore she was she wanted to go to church. Still limping she forced herself to get ready through the pain that only made her want to fall on the ground as she could picture it well before thinking back to the pain that happened every so often from her ex. The brace she had to wear was getting on her nerves and she didn't think too long as her phone rang out scaring her. Grabbing her keys she talked to her mother who only wondered how she was doing. " I'm about to leave for church." She didn't care how she looked as she looked at herself in the mirror beside the front door. She didn't care if people judged her and how she looked as she wore her pale pink dress that covered most of the brace on her leg and the annoyance on her face as she looked at how bad she looked only made her feel worse 

She cared but she didn't care about anyone else's opinion when she wasn't feeling well to begin with. " Should I stay?" She asked herself as she already knew her mother and father were on their way to pick her up for church. The badazzle from the dress only made her feel better as the sleeves went past her forearms. She wasn't even sure how her mother and father were going to react when they all got to the church. She didn't even ask if they wanted to go then again her mother must want her to be safe considering how her car did look. She was just surprised she could still drive it with how it looked from where she stood looking at the road at the black sedan that pulled up behind her towed vehicle that she honestly shouldn't be driving.

Her parents weren't at all dressed up and it said a lot considering that her mother pretty much looked better than her husband and her but that wasn't probably true she just wasn't feeling it. She gave them both directions to Town Creek where her church laid out right across Dollar General. Right across the highway sat two gas stations as a road ran out towards Hatton High School in between it. " A nice little church. I didn't know you drove this far?" It didn't sound like a question but she sounded more upset Carrie couldn't tell as she had looked at her phone turning off the maps for her mother. 

They were 15 minutes early as the time on her phone read 9:45. " Maybe we'll get a good seat." Miora and Phil didn't know what to do as Carrie only plastered a fake smile on her face as she limped inside the church with her parents in tow. She couldn't think properly as she was almost immediately surrounded by the youth and anybody else who knew of the accident. " How've you been?" The question was repeated as Maliki was one of them that surrounded her. If anything it made her want to cry she thought she was more of a nobody when it came to being the main person they were suddenly all interested in but it was only because of the accident that they even spoke to her; even the people who didn't speak to her at all. The pastor got her parent's names as Maliki only knew she was in pain and he didn't have to look at her to know to see it. 

Maliki opened service welcoming her back as they began singing. She only felt the butterflies in her stomach as her heart longed for him. If only they were friends and not just acquaintances in church. Carrie noticed Miora and Phil's faces as they both were surprised with how things were and the people who spoke to them which only seemed to make them more antsy. Maliki gave the mic to Dalien as they began to sing 'You are Jehovah' Carrie wasn't the one to hesitate when it came to worship but the pain only seemed to want to drag her down rather than help her want to worship. If anything with all the pain she had gone through it made her want to worship more, she shouldn't have been there at all; besides who in the church came to visit, only the Pastor and her two parents? 

Carrie worshiped even though her parents were sitting there not knowing what to do, not once did she feel ashamed. The pain she felt had subsided when some came over to her to pray with her. " Jesus give her strength, give her what she needs. Thank you, God, for keeping her!" She heard Dalien's voice and it made her cry out more when she knew she had walked off the platform just to pray for her. It wasn't just that as she didn't understand the words that came from out of her mouth. It sounded foreign, she couldn't understand it and yet she wanted to know what she was saying as she felt more hands cover her shoulders and arms she still felt weak but powerful all at the same minute. yelling was heard throughout the service she couldn't even hear the music that is if it was even still playing but she knew one thing as she felt another wave of emotion hit her; She was speaking in tongues.

It was indescribable but everyone around her clapped as tears fell from her face she couldn't tell if she could stop, but if anything she could care if this wasn't what some people wanted to see. The pastor didn't even get to think as God merely wanted him to touch her. Walking up to her around the crowd they parted just to let him through. She needed a breakthrough to happen and he didn't just know that but he could tell she wasn't just fighting something that seemed to weigh on her. He felt the need to not just touch her but God commanded him to say it out loud to her. " The Church needs you." 

Bro. Sherrill knew his son was right behind him as he heard him praying. He wondered what it meant but at the same time, he felt like he already knew. He wasn't sure. It was a remarkable feeling as Carrie opened her eyes at the people who were in awe as several hugged her. Keri hugged her while handing her the white tissue. She was grateful as she barely had to look at her mom, although she tried to hide the evidence in her eyes. " Praise the Lord." Carrie felt at peace but only in the moment as she awaited the drama that would follow. They all heard Bro. Sammy Bro. Sherrill's son talking into the mic. Everyone including her repeated it back, " If you will I'll be turning into the book of Mark Chapter 10 verse 46. Carrie felt the power radiating from her as she looked in between her bible and the screen behind him. JESUS was written on the wall of the baptistry before the projector laid out behind him as the verse he read from laid out on the screen. 

Hearing him praying she closed her eyes in the split second as she sat along with everyone else. Carrie in all her years had never faced such power from anyone but God and right then she knew it wasn't Bro. Sammy, she was hearing. As he spoke she saw a little girl and throughout service, she wondered if she even heard him even though she tried to take notes she still saw the little girl. Carrie knew tears fell from her face as Bro. Sammy yelled through the mic jumping her back to reality. She hated how everything she saw eventually hurt her and she didn't like that at all. Most of the time she had to force herself to attend church, which took more than force. " He gave you an answer because you prayed. " It only made her want to cry more as she felt like someone was staring at her. Carrie barely heard anything as God kept talking to her. Her main focus was on what God was showing her as he said it was simple but powerful. " You're my miracle with my name. She's your miracle with my name." 

The title laid out across the screen and she couldn't help but look more to the left where all the guys sat. She looked at Maliki before looking back up at the screen as his dad kept going to other scriptures in the bible. ' A Miracle with a Name' laid out across the screen as she kept rereading it trying her hardest to hear what he had to say. Carrie knew even when he had shown her the vision that she had rebuked it. Carrie liked him and didn't want to say anything even if it was him. " Was it him? She wasn't even sure even though she still heard the voice ringing out in her mind she heard the pain behind it. She didn't want to say anything then be wrong. Bro. Sammy's still preaching had her want to show that she was getting everything from it, only she felt like she was glued to her seat as everyone yelled amen or right as they clapped more than several times. carrie clapped along with them but she still wanted to ugly cry as if it was only her that he was talking to. 

Bro. Sammy was a very anointed Man of God and he didn't just show it but he lived it as well as his family that stood beside him for everything. Carrie loved that family. " God if he isn't the one I rebuke it." She barely said it as the voice of God didn't sound too happy about it. " Why do you rebuke your ministry?" She was full of emotion as she tensed up immediately regretting it instantly. " I'm sorry. I didn't mean. " She didn't even finish with what she said before she wanted nothing more than to just cry into her pillow. She could've sworn she saw Maliki looking at her as the vision played out right in front of her. 

" Daddy!" A squealing Khoine ran to the front door leaving her toys behind as Carrie followed her to the front door. Maliki bending down on one knee had his daughter's small hand wrapped around his fingers as he looked up into his wife's face. Carrie never really heard Bro. Sammy told Angi to play she felt the atmosphere change. She looked back at Maliki as she knew he had looked at her before looking away she only hoped no one saw the way she looked at him. " I always try to have an alter call after so that whoever needs anything they can get what they came for. "He wasn't asking he just wanted to see who all heard his preaching. Carrie was one of them as she couldn't help but raise both hands as she so badly wanted to scream and not at God but Satan as she knew he would torment her later. She thought of the vision and her baby girl as well as Maliki. " I've already changed what is unwanted." 

The only thing she questioned was which was what. God had shown her a lot of things and there was no telling what he was changing she only knew to trust God and continue praying not just for her future but for Maliki and herself to find that love and friendship. She already felt it awkward in between them then again she blamed that on herself. Several times she made eye contact with Maliki and more than once she hated herself she felt like he could see right through her. The fear still lay out inside of her but she wanted prayer, no she needed prayer. She hated that she couldn't get out of her comfort zone and although she and Maliki kept making eye contact other people didn't have to ask for prayer. Carrie hated how she couldn't move as it made her feel pathetic.

Carrie later that night prayed that God would show him especially if he was the one. Carrie even prayed that God would show him the vision of the church telling him as if they would have something they could both understand and lean on. That Wednesday while working on Hardcoat at work she didn't like what God asked her before constantly questioning God. " Why does he doubt his future when it's right in front of him? Why does he doubt when I'm giving him everything?" God, why ask me? "You know." She stopped for that split second wondering why Maliki out of everyone she knew doubted what God could give him and more importantly why she felt the sudden need to text him to quit doubting. She saw the image of Maliki in her mind as she prayed in her mind over whatever Maliki was going through and not just his future. " Why does he doubt his future when it's right in front of him? Why does he doubt when I'm giving him everything." If anything even though she prayed she found it a little funny as if Maliki doubted anything. " Pray for his future." She did countlessly throughout work as she even felt the overwhelming power of God there at work. 

For Maliki's sake, she didn't like what she was shown. 

Maliki sprinted across worry written all over his face as she knew he had fought God. She was under the influence of Morphine and even though her hand lay over her stomach she feared for the worse before he grabbed her hand gripping it relief shown only in his eyes as his face held hers. " She's going to be okay. Khoine's going to be okay." Tears streamed down her face as she heard God. " I've already changed what is unwanted." 

The weeks went by faster than she could think. Three Sundays in a row the youth didn't hang out but everyone had their own thing to do, Meanwhile Maliki had already been out of town since that past Friday. She never knew he liked doing any mission trip helping in every way he could. Maliki represented the Prayer Tabernacle on his mission trip to Scotland. He wanted to go on a missions trip for 2 years due to Covid he couldn't go but he still made it his mission. He always wanted to go head first but not before praying first. He loves his church and more than anything what God has for him. When he got to the airport he was nervous and even though they were welcoming they easily got acquainted with each other. he immediately thought of them as friends and within the next few days they were already working like a family. 

He was ecstatic even when he witnessed it to those around him. Everyone was respectful including the group he was with and although Miliki had heard about it the mission trip thus far was more than outstanding. He wanted to make a difference and help out he hoped he already did. They handed out flyers telling them about the church they had all cleaned. Miliki didn't just meet great people but he loved everything about Scotland and the adventure around the mission of Christ. They worshipped together in Church and he was glad he made it his decision to help out as he would've never gained anything from it if he hadn't come. 

Maliki felt proud of himself when he helped the rest of the group and although they got along great they all gave themselves nicknames. The whole trip made him realize everything about missions and what he would hope wouldn't be his last. Working hard for God didn't just pay off for not him but everyone and helping was always a priority. It meant putting God first and that was what he tried to do. He knew he was going to miss them and worshipping together in the streets, praying with those who let them, and the pure worship of singing for God for everyone to hear. Leaving he missed it a lot and he wasn't home yet. Maliki got to know everyone well and he wished it would only last longer. It wasn't just his story but everyone who worked for the kingdom of God others chose to help in different ways and he saw that every day or at least heard about it. 

Kari Mardis helped because God put it on her heart to give and for the longest she had been saving and when God spoke to her she knew she needed to listen. " I'll take care of you in an emergency. I'll multiply. " God meant every word and she didn't doubt God as she gave 1,000 to Move the Missions.

There were so many who wanted to give and when Carrie heard what she wanted to do was do the same but with everything going on she didn't know what to do. She wasn't sure if she even heard God tell her to do anything. She gave here and there and she helped feed the homeless but something else bothered her as another woman in the church wanted to give to the Orphanage in Tupelo. She asked what she needed to give but when she got back to her place she only realized she had so many to give that she packed up 5 boxes of things just for them. 

Later within that same week Jessie and Rebecca took those boxes along with theirs to Tupelo. Carrie packed up brand new clothes in a large box as well as new shoes in another. She had apostolic books she had read that she gladly put in another before putting other things like notebooks and bookmarks in the same box. She had a bunch of nice blankets she put in another as well as more brand-new clothes in another box. She felt amazed with what she had done and she didn't want the publicity for it. If she did she would've said everything about what she was doing just for the kingdom of God but she didn't like bragging, it didn't come naturally to her. 

There were so many people willing to give that Carrie couldn't really think of all the names but only a few. Ava Meeks was an amazing person as well as James Briceno. They both and many more had raised so much for missions and all for the Glory of God. Move the Missions is the fundraising ministry of the youth ministries of the United Pentecostal Church International. Since its inception in 1953, Over $158 million has been raised to fund missions and ministries around the world. What the money was used for was Vehicles to carry the Gospel or built buildings to share the truth. 

Carrie saw the other side of things but most of the time even though it was there she didn't know what to do. She started out thinking of her church and the people. Some were moving up in life and she noticed it but she wasn't sure if they saw it as she did. She on the other hand didn't know what she was doing with her life. God's purpose through us is greater than what the world could give us.

" Why do you like him anyway?" Journie asked as she honestly didn't get why anyone needed to ask her that. She felt like they already knew the answer to it as the church laid it out before them both. They stood next to Journie's car before Carrie faced Journie. " Because he's a man of God. " To her, it was true in every way and she wouldn't want to lie about something like that. Thinking about him only made her heart flutter as she felt every time she even thought of him she could hear satan or her flesh saying something else negative. By the time Maliki and his brother walked out she couldn't help but look at him. She couldn't think of why they wouldn't be a great couple but she knew some people would be against it; why she wasn't sure. 

Everything around her gave off a vibe she didn't like she wasn't sure she liked and hearing thoughts made her want to act upon them. Thursday 9 am sharp her body felt too weak to move as yet another vision that she had seen for 5 years took over her. The pain she felt through it was too much for her and it didn't feel right. She knew something was wrong as a doctor who wasn't there before told her to push. Grunting a yell escaped her lips before the pain took over her in a way that made her eyes roll up into her head. " I need to see my wife! " She heard it twice as she couldn't see but knew that voice all too well. The doctor however could barely understand as he yelled through the room about C-section. " Put her on oxygen before we lose her!" 

Immediately right after seeing it her hands curled around her stomach before tears escaped before realizing she was rebuking it. " Why do you rebuke your ministry? " 

She tried to right her breathing but it was as if she couldn't do anything in the moment. It shook her to the point where she just felt depressed and not just that but numb. " I didn't mean to. God I didn't mean to rebuke it you know why I was. I don't want the pain God, please. " If anything she wanted to continue rebuking it as if weren't going to happen at all. Even when it was a mistake what was she supposed to do sit there and let it haunt her? What else could she do besides pray and fast about it? It made her wish she had a friend to talk about the visions but she not once wanted to say anything to anybody, they'd simply judge her and not just that they'd hate her. She hoped even when she did have a crush she saw him as so much more. She saw the way he worshipped or played the drums or even sang with the praise singers. 

She never referred to any guy as hot if anything she didn't like it when guys called her hot; it only meant that they were only looking at her body. She did however notice the way the girls dressed and it wasn't necessarily holy. She didn't like the way the church acted or anything that was happening. She felt like her mind was everywhere as it all played out before her very eyes. Did she look like that? Girls wore sizes two small and she didn't like how they acted as if it were okay and normal when it wasn't right whatsoever. 

It was as if they'd rather have a guy looking at them rather than looking the way they should, Modest. Carrie knew her body was a Holy Temple and it should only be used to please the Lord as well as her future Husband. Yes, they were human but not a single person understood or said they did when they didn't. She knew she had curves but she always found herself looking into the mirror before going to church making sure nothing was too tight. Carrie throughout church prayed that God wouldn't just get to them and even though she prayed she still heard God's voice. " Why do they do it when they know it is wrong?" How was she supposed to know? She knew something was wrong so did Bro. Lavanul Sherrill and she knew that as he preached on visions, and it wasn't just that but he kept looking at her as if they had talked about the certain vision she honestly didn't even want to think about.

That week had gone by like a blur and not only that she had more visions she didn't like. Carrie fasted and sought God over her church. Thursday night Carrie found herself going to bed early even though she didn't have to be a work the next day. She awoke in cold sweat several hours after as she heard the thundering voice of God. " I'm coming as a thief and I'm bringing hail from Heaven." The shudder as he spoke went down her spine before she saw the vision of the church. 

She stood in the middle of the church lights on as she didn't want to understand what she was seeing. Carrie already knew as she didn't have to look into the classrooms or kitchen to know there were no chairs but the 7 that were laid out in her view. The 7 faced the front as not even one chair laid out in view from the pulpit. Carrie didn't even have control over her body before she found herself walking towards the front of the church opening the doors as she hated what screamed out at her. Carrie didn't just hear the roar of the fire but she heard the screams and she knew the screams. She faced the fire that lay around the entire church. 

Breathing heavily Carrie cried like a baby onto God. "Don't let it be too late for them. Open their eyes but don't harm them. " Still crying she laid back down with a nagging headache that followed but not before cuddling with another pillow. 

By the next morning after waking up she felt drained and powerless. The only thing she had remembered was what she wanted to forget.