Chapter 3

Would they be supportive after hearing what God said? She really observed her church that night as her pastor preached. Looking at the screen behind him she felt like her heart stopped and not just that but her mind didn't have to reread it. " YOU KNOW."  The exact words God would always tell her before saying  " EVERYTHING."  she had been hearing it for a month possibly more she wasn't sure.  She knew she was breathing but at the same time, she couldn't tell. Bro. Sherrill spoke more as her ears popped. She couldn't focus but she tried so hard to pay attention. " When God has something for you, but you don't listen then you still know. You just don't care. You need to choose to say here I am Lord.  He could do anything for you if you listen, But you don't want to. It's a sad world in the church wondering what you could have when it's right in front of You. 

Bro. Sherrill went on like that for a few minutes as she couldn't help but look at Maliki as he stood clapping his hands as a few others did the same. Should she? She only looked down at her almost two filled pages as she could hear God talking through her as she spoke at her church in her mind. She never really spoke to them it was always just her daydreaming. Carrie two nights in a row dreamed of preaching after that she wasn't sure of anything. Was she called to preach? She didn't think so but she had been wanting to be a preacher's wife. She wasn't sure what she was called to be exactly but she continued to pray daily asking God to show her signs that would point her straight. 

The youth leader Huntley had asked the youth that night after service if anyone wanted to speak that month and the only thing that went through her mind was she needed to. Carrie wasn't exactly sure about it as she knew as well as God that she needed to. Would they take her seriously? The rest of the week went by way too fast for her liking and if anything work wasn't as stressful as it was. She still remembered that night after service she had found herself on the floor of her room not realizing what happened in the first place. She didn't even remember walking into her room before feeling weirded out. Carrie didn't think too long or hard about it before brushing her teeth and washing her face before getting into her bed and praying herself to sleep.  " Lord Keep me." Even though she prayed about her church and the world she found herself always saying those words as if anything could happen, Only everything was possible with God. The Sunday that followed she wore the silver dress that made her feel like a model and not just that but she had done her hair. 

It was up in a bun but it still made her feel cute as she had also taken several pictures with some of the youth that were there. She had never been so early to a church service on a Sunday Morning but while the church hadn't started she didn't just talk to the youth but she also heard the few joke-like comments from Blain and Matthew as if it were supposed to be funny but if anything everyone judged them. Throughout the service, she thought of what Huntley had asked of them or if she should even; maybe she should just listen to what they had to say so she knew. She wasn't sure what she should do she just wanted it to be pleasing unto God. The praise singers practiced as it was hard to hear God and what he had to say, before writing it all down. God spoke to her as one of the Praise singers tried too hard Carrie cringed even more at how she tried to sing. "That's not worship."  if anything it sounded like a cat on a chalkboard. 

Carrie didn't like it as she felt the pain going down her spine before realizing what she had said and out loud too.  Lainey's passing heard her and it was obvious but she didn't hesitate to defend her sister. " Doesn't matter what you sound like it's still worship." Disgusted Lainey walked away but Carrie knew it said a lot about a person but trying to sound like something else and showing off on the platform wasn't worship. She knew the difference and she didn't have to think of the Church on Sheffield to know or hear it in her mind. She knew she should apologize even though she didn't feel bad for saying it, but it was still the right thing to do.  Carrie could hear the pure worship from Bro. Nathan and it wasn't just amazing but it made her feel better. 

After service She went to her car to put her things away as she made sure to grab her keys and phone before walking back inside but seeing Lainey she stopped her. " Hey. " Carrie grabbed her attention as she apologized but if anything it didn't help anything only it made her feel worse like she wasn't supposed to.  The next day was like any other only she felt more awake. Work wasn't ever stressful she never had any problems. A few guys flirted and would always seem to ask the same question. " Do you not have a boyfriend?"  She never liked it when they asked but every time she'd say the same thing. " No. I don't need one"  She wanted today to be different so she prayed. 

" I'm going to the bathroom." Taking her gloves off she moved around the carts that were full of parts before throwing her gloves into the trash. It was a big building and there was a lot of people as well as things in the way. Once in the bathroom, she hurried trying to pray as she understood only a fragment before she felt it in her spirit something was going to happen but she always got that as a sign of something wrong. Walking out of the bathroom she almost bumped into a lady not even older than her as the girl gave her a confused yet scary look. " Jesus."  She didn't know what to say other than look behind her.  " Does your church know? Does he know? "That's when the look on her face went pale as she felt the blood form as well as the heat before she felt faint. " What?" She heard her but she didn't know what to do other than question what was in front of her. " Does your church know? Does he know?  You might want to tell them before it's too late." 

Carrie didn't feel okay with that as she just wanted to leave and go home so she could just cry on her hands and knees. The girl blinked hard as she suddenly realized something as if something was wrong. " I'm supposed to be on the other side. Sorry."  She looked confused as Carrie still tried to process the entire situation at hand. God why?  She only looked after the girl who seemed to be in a rush as she tried to shake her mind out of what just happened but nothing helped as she just walked back to her station and she stood in between 2 guys. They both argued back and forth over rap music like it was a good thing to listen to if anything it was the one thing she didn't like. She tried to not judge as they spoke in a way that she felt was just rude. " It's gibberish how can anyone understand it?" Carrie grabbed the LED light from the molding before turning her body with a look on her face before sitting it on the conveyor belt before turning around and doing the same thing again. " It wouldn't matter  you can't conquer what you can't picture." 

She was daydreaming before she heard that but it spoke to her as she understood completely as she questioned if they actually knew what they had said. Carrie tried to listen to every word after that but it was as if she wasn't really there when she really was. By the time she went to break she had another text from Maliki. She quickly responded but not before ordering McDonald through the app. She still heard the other guy who was arguing back at the guy who was training her. There's a difference between hearing and listening."  Carrie knew that was meant for her but through God did she know really what he meant?  She still heard it replaying in her mind as was Maliki that seemed to make her lose focus. She also knew God was talking about her church she just wasn't a fan of what he said half the time. Seeing it from her point of view she didn't like it when others could get out of their comfort zone but she couldn't; then again she'd rather have God take over their lives and not just because of what he was saying to her but because they needed him. 

She just didn't understand why they would constantly pick up what they put down for God when they did worship. It was a daily thing with her church and it was bugging her to the point where she stayed at the church for a month straight just so she could pray for them. When she took a break she found herself cleaning up after a church that couldn't pick up after themselves. She tried to play the piano but could only play one thing as she would try to sing.  The time would always go pretty fast but it still had her doubt herself because she didn't have a single friend that wanted to hang out. It made her feel sad and lonely and more depressed.  If anything Jesus was her only friend and when he was quiet that was when she worried.  She wanted him in her life but she didn't want to do things she knew she shouldn't do. Carrie loved to write and it wasn't just that but she always had wanted to be an actress. Writing was her passion in life, it was the only thing that really made her feel complete and happy. 

Everything always stopped her from doing what she wanted but she knew it wasn't what she was called to be. What made it worse was she knew she was great at a lot of things but she always doubted herself and what she could do.  She again wasn't called to be and that was the main reason why she didn't pursue it. The one chance she had an off day she thought of herself and shopping.  She grabbed herself a tea bomb from Shoals Nutrition and that flavor just popped as it made her feel more content and more energized.  She went to the Fashion Exchange thinking of the discounts as she found a handful of different skirts and dresses. Trying them on she only loved a few as she immediately fell in love with a black and navy blue polka-dotted long dress. Turning around and looking into the mirror she loved the leopard skirt that hugged her in all the right places but she wasn't sure it was righteous in God's eyes.

Taking off the skirt she grabbed the red silky dress that amazed her as well. She felt better in it than the skirt. She fell in love yet again as she stared at herself in the mirror as she didn't want to take it off. Carrie left the changing room after putting the clothes back on the hangers immediately bumping into Maria who looked horrible. She looked like she hadn't slept and although she looked skinnier she still had the same attitude as she hadn't changed at all. " never thought I'd see you wearing that." She laughed as Maria looked at the outfits in Carrie's hands. Carrie wore her long skirt that went to her ankles as her shirt only read 'People fear what they can't see' and although it meant a lot no one seemed to notice it themselves. The saying rang true and it meant everything to her. " There's nothing wrong with it. Besides it's comfortable." Maria looked disgusted and not just because of what Carrie had said. " It's not you. I can't believe you would run to church after everything You've done!" 

Maria laughed looking her up and down Carrie didn't feel embarrassed with what she had said as some people only looked at them both. " That's what you think but I'm happy with my life."  She couldn't help but judge others when God spoke to her. She honestly couldn't help it and the thoughts that ran into her mind about Maria were on point. She didn't want to say anything about what went on her mind but she knew if she did she couldn't call herself a Christian.  " So after Brett and that wild party you'd run from what you are? That's funny. You don't know what you are."  Carrie didn't like what Maria said as she paid for her things. Leaving the store she rolled her eyes wondering why she ever became her friend. Getting into her SUV she looked back at Maria as she quickly left thinking of the past as it was the last thing she wanted to think about.

Carrie only shook her head as she pressed her pointer and thumb to her nose only looking at the now green light before getting into the second lane from where she was she vaguely looked at her phone texting her mother back all the while she didn't see the vehicle trying to pass by her as it rammed into her. Freaked out she only looked at the driver before not noticing the vehicle in front of her before the black hooded driver swerved into the other lane merging into the gas station. She didn't see anything else before darkness consumed her body as she suddenly felt heavy. The last thing she remembered was hitting the wheel harder than necessary as the airbag went off pushing her limp body against the window. " Ma'am! Hello!" She didn't even hear the sirens but she felt her body being pulled from her vehicle as she was too weak to move. She couldn't tell if she was breathing as the burning pain ran down her head and down her spine.

" What's wrong exactly?" Carrie heard her mother's words but she still couldn't move her body as the Doctor spoke she knew they stood towards her right as her mother grabbed her hand.  " God heal my baby! Heal my baby!" Carrie didn't just hear her mother's voice but she felt the pain she was going through as she didn't understand why she; herself couldn't wake up. She didn't know who it was at first before she heard a familiar voice praying just a few minutes after her father walked in. " Lets pray before her surgery." They didn't just pray but Moira her mother cried as she knew her father only held her close to him as her hand squeezed hers.  Carrie didn't like the way she felt as she still couldn't move let alone cry out that she was okay, she was too weak. It made her want to cry not just from the pain but from hearing them praying for her when she honestly didn't know what was wrong with her. 

By the time she could open her eyes, she didn't just notice she was in the Hospital bed but she didn't want to be as her hands fisted the covers right underneath her chest as the last thing she wanted to see was the vision come true right before her eyes as she blacked out yet again.  During surgery she only dreamed of herself before church instead of what she had become to be. 

The party didn't just hold drugs but alcohol. Everything to her was just right even Iann her boyfriend. Dancing and singing with Maria who danced with other guys who looked them both up and down. " Hey. More Tequila?" Iann and Carrie were having their own fun and she wasn't in the mood as Iann was.  Carrie didn't really like it when boys would look at her even when she did like a few of them. " This piece of meat, hot."  She didn't especially like Darren as he grabbed her around her waist.  Even after the dream Carrie only slept without any other dream. " Give me more of that.  I need more stitching, she's losing too much blood."  The Doctor carefully pulled out the tool looking into the hole he created as if he was missing something but he knew it was because of him that she was losing more blood than necessary.  Carrie on the other hand thought she saw the darkness before she saw the light. The shining gate only stood out before her as she didn't know what to do. Carrie heard his voice but didn't see him as he only spoke within her.  " Goodness and mercy in you; now you'll only see from my point of view. It's not your time my child. " 

She wasn't just amazed but she laid out in more shock wishing she was still in that everlasting peaceful presence with God but instead, she faced a crying mother as well as her father who she could tell was trying to pull it together. If anything he was failing at it and she couldn't blame him. " Dad?"  She turned her head to the right only a little thinking she was in more pain as she didn't feel any.  " You'll be fine. The Doctor said you were healing nicely. " Her mother looked a little relieved as she didn't know if she should even tell them about God and what he had said. She didn't want to ever forget the Pearly Gates but it wasn't her time just as God had said. 

The doctor spoke to the mother more in shock about the wounds and the x-rays he had as he couldn't explain it before showing Miora and her husband the pictures. " What?" After that, she dreamed about her ex and. Moira and Phil looked at the X-rays as they didn't seem real before she looked back at her sleeping daughter who only hated where she was. " My baby is healed. " Miora grabbed her husband as fresh tears of joy ran down her face before she held her daughter's hand.  " Sir. Your daughter should be dead. I don't understand what or how but I've never had a patient just heal like this." Carrie heard his words and it only made her feel numb she couldn't tell if she was in any pain as her body felt too weak to move. She still wanted to cry out not just for her mother to hear but to God as she didn't understand why God was doing what he had done. She felt more in shock hearing the Doctor but she couldn't do anything as she just wanted to open her eyes but she felt too weak to do that either. 

" But shes fine right?"  Her parents looked at her as they looked back at the doctor and even though he was very skeptical he could only say yes.  For several hours Carrie slept as her pastor stopped by praying once again. Carrie's parents told their pastor  everything the doctor had told them. Bro. Sherrill felt very relieved as well as thankful to God for sparing. They all knew of Gods mercy and healing power but Bro. Sherrill still prayed over her and for her safety as anything could happen. 

Carrie eventually woke up as they let her know she was able to go home as soon as she was ready. She understood she had heard everything when she slept.  She was happy to go home, but her mother quickly told her she was going to rest.  Her mother had already called Carrie's job and they thankfully understood. She had on a brace on her right leg as every step towards the wheelchair seemed to scream at her. Later that day Miora stayed with her daughter as so did her father. 

When she awoke later that night her breathing became shallow as well as a sore body followed. Her Mother and Father became fearful. " Phil, her medicine!"  He didn't have to be told twice. Carrie laid there feeling more weak than nessesary as her mother only combed back her frizzy hair softly singing to Carrie even though she never opened her eyes.  Carrie was to weak to open her eyes as the liquid  hit the back of her throat as she felt like throwing it back up. 

The next few days weren't as bad but Carrie felt it could be better. She had gone home within 3 days of being at the Hospital. She hated what had happened but with the accident and the huge dent in her vehicle she even wondered how she was alive. " I've kept you."  She cried onto God praying that he wouldn't just guide her every step but for her to be a stepping stool.  She wanted to be a light but not just that she wanted to walk in Ministry. Carrie had never felt more useless sitting in her bed as her mother brought her food as well as her favorite drink; Dr. Pepper.  " You do know I can take care of myself? " She didn't mean to sound rude but it slipped out as she wished it didn't.  She knew her mother well enough to know she wasn't going to leave her side until she was able. " I could care less if you want to be left alone, you are my only daughter and I want to make sure you're better."  Not once did Carrie want to be alone if anything it made her wish she had siblings. Thinking of the youth and how they acted she was glad she didn't.  " Mama before you go could you hand me my bible and notebook?" 

" Don't understand why you insist with this crap." Carrie didn't like how her parents were and it bothered her greatly even as a little kid when they pulled her out of church. She remembered running around with all the other kids; it was fun; but now she was grown up. Everytime she tried to think about her old church the only thing she could remember was the huge tree that hung over the parking lot. She rememebered green shutters and then the one day she helped her mom trimming the bushes. A bee attacked her stinging her in the process. Looking back she wanted to laugh at herself until she realized something that made her feel dizzy.  " Mom!" She didn't mean for it to come out as a yell but she suddenly didn't like how the atmosphere changed when she felt uneasy about what she was going to ask. She put her Bible over her notebook placing it beside her before her mother came back in view. 

" Sweetie, you look pale. What's wrong?"  She wasn't aware of how she looked or cared for that matter. If anything she didn't know what hurt worse, her family that kept this from her or herself for not realizing it sooner. " What was the name of that church we went to when I was a kid?"  ASking was harder than she thought as her throat needed more attention.  " We don't talk about that for a reason." Her mothers face changed instantly as if something happened that wasn't meant for her.  She hated being in the dark or being the last person to get included in anything. She felt as if she was unwanted more than half the time and she hated that feeling as she knew it all to well. Carrie never heard that before and if she did she wasn't aware of it. " Mom I just want to know." 

She knew she looked unwell as she looked down at her covers but at the corner of her eye her mother shook her head sighing in a way of surreneder. " The first Pentecostals of Sheffield. Promise me you won't go back there. " She gave her a hard stare as she already knew but it only felt more of a confirmation as she looked at the grilled chicken Alfrado. " I'm not hungry. COuld you please take this to the fridge?"  Miora couldn't force her daughter to do anything this wasn't her house and she was an adult. Miora wasn't scared and even though she wasn't in church she prayed for protection. Miora even questioned herself after the conversation why they didn't find a church a long time ago. Maybe that was God dealing with her.