Chapter2

#Chapter2

---Long time no see-02

He felt like crying, his eyes covered by a glossy curtain of tears, but no tear rolled down his face.

When Aiden came downstairs and saw Jake like this, he once more rolled his eyes, feeling slightly annoyed. It was quite irritating to deal with Jake’s mood swings. He would be a complete idiot one moment and all depressed the other.

/"Dad went to her grave early in the morning. You can go there yourself./" Aiden said while toasting his bread. His eyes didn’t fall upon Jake anymore lest he got further annoyed.

Jake took off one of the headphones and looked at his younger brother. The two of them looked alike and it would be the case even more if Jake ate and slept more. However, he didn’t. Compared to his younger brother who was tall and strong with broad shoulders, Jake was shorter and considerably thinner. The dirty blonde hair that was supposed to look the same on both of them, on his head the color had turned to a grayish brown that Jake despised. So unsightly…

/"Aren’t you going?/"

Aiden shrugged as if they were talking about going to the supermarket. /"I don’t know. I will think about it./"

The corner of Jake’s mouth lowered even more. What is there to think about!! Is this something you have to think about?!! /"It’s her anniversary, don’t you…/" Jake started to say, but before he could finish, Aiden interrupted him.

/"Mind your own business./" Dropping those four words, Aiden walked out of the kitchen. Not long after that, Jake heard the front door as his brother left to school.

This day two years ago, Mrs. Caley died. It wasn’t anything too tragic like a car accident or plane crash, or suicide or fighting cancer. Actually, it was a death that looked so pointless. Maybe that’s why the Caley family couldn’t accept such death. Everything was fine. It was so extremely ordinary and happy until it wasn’t so anymore.

Clara Caley had slipped in the shower after she came back from work and had hit her head. It was quite a blow, but she thought it wasn’t anything important, ignoring it. Back then Jake was the only one home. His father was working late, and Aiden was at a friend’s house. Clara had lied down for a quick nap, telling Jake to wake her up after an hour, yet she died in her sleep. When Jake went to wake her up, he couldn’t. No matter how much he called her, how much he shook her, how much he screamed and cried, Clara Caley wouldn’t wake up.

This had left a big impact on Jake. After that day, he wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore. He couldn’t fall asleep, and even when he somehow managed to, he would have nightmares. Nothing he ate tasted like anything. It was like eating cardboard. Only coffee could comfort him, warm him up inside, bring him some energy and help him stay away from those horrible nightmares.

/"I can drive you there./" Jeremy’s voice came from the kitchen door. Jake turned around to look at Jeremy, but before he had the chance, a small figure that barely reached his knees jumped on him like a wild kitten, yelling his name. Well… his /"name/".

/"Jay!!!/"

/"Leah!/" Jake called out as enthusiastically as the little girl, hugging her tight.

/"Quick, gimme a good luck kiss. Hurry, hurry, hurry. I’m late./" Leah wouldn’t stop bouncing up and down in Jake’s arms. Her tiny arms were wrapped around Jake’s neck and her small lips planted tiny kisses on Jake’s face. /"I will give you good luck kisses too./"

The tired eyes of Jake softened as a small smile barely lifted the corner of his lips. Hugging Leah tighter, he loudly planted a big kiss on her rosy cheek.

/"MUWAH! There. I gave enough good luck for the whole day./"

Leah giggled and jumped out of his embrace. /"Daddy, let’s go. Hurry, hurry, hurry./" She grabbed Jeremy’s hand and pulled him towards the front door.

/"Wait until I drop her off to kindergarten and…/" Jeremy started to say.

/"I want to go for a walk./" Jake interrupted him, the meaning behind that was loud and clear. I want to be alone.

Jeremy cast one last worried look at him before nodding and leaving the house with Leah.

Only after the whole house fell into a silence that was broken by the soft waltz music still coming from his headphones, did Jake stand up and go back to his room, completely forgetting about the reason why he came downstairs in the first place.

It was almost noon by the time Jake finally managed to put on his best clothes, which were basically a pair of jeans and a dark hoodie, and walk out of the house. He had taken some Advil for his headache and the medicine prescribed by his psychologist Dr. Natalie for his depression before going out. With headphones blasting loudly rock music, he walked down the streets as if he had no destination.

By the time he reached the graveyard, it was already getting dark. There weren’t many people out there. The place was overtaken by calming silence, and from now and then one could hear a few birds chirping in the nearby trees. The grass on the ground had already started to lose its green color, turning slightly yellow.

Leaning against Clara’s grave was a bouquet with flowers, tiny blue Forget-me-nots, her favorite flower. Undoubtedly it was his father’s, Mathew, deed who had visited the grave earlier today.

Jake didn’t say anything nor did he have any desire to. It’s not like talking to the grave would make him feel as if talking to his mother. He knew she was gone and what lay underneath was nothing but a soulless body that was slowly disappearing with time.

Jake simply sat down in front of the grave and stared at it. Deep in his being he could feel a dark hole that wanted to eat him whole, to make him feel more pain and despair. It was this that made him feel so empty and it was this that fed his depression daily. There was simply no escape from the grief and pain he felt.

The only thing Jake could do was breathe, even though breathing hurt. Live, even though he felt like there was nothing worth living for.

Without noticing it, the tears that he had been holding this whole time suddenly fell. The crystal clear tears rolled down his cheeks and fell on the yellowish grass, breaking on the blades of grass and splattering around.

His eyes feel on the tiny blue flowers once more.

Jake bit his lip then let out a trembling sight. /"I’m in pain./" He said to no one for there was no one there to listen to him. /"I miss her…/"