Chapter3

#Chapter3

---Long time no see-03

It was already late in the night when Jake exited the graveyard, making his way home, head hung low and face covered by his hood. However, ever since he stepped out of that place, his hand that was stuffed in the pockets of his hoodie kept fidgeting with a small plastic bag with some small round pills. Fidgeting and fidgeting but never daring to put that pill in his mouth.

Yet he was so tired. So hurt. So hopeless. Jake was exhausted of all this. He wanted to sleep. A long sleep with no nightmares. No matter what medicine Natalie prescribed him, nothing worked against his nightmares. Just like evil demons haunting him, they would never leave him be at peace. Only the drugs in that tiny plastic bag could give him a way out, even if it was only for a few hours. That was fine too. Only a few hours was fine. Jake would take whatever he could.

Only thinking about another sleepless night gave him a headache. It has already been more than a week since he last fell asleep. Even if he wanted to stay asleep one more night, he couldn’t. His body would simply collapse. Thinking this, with tears that yet had to stop, he took out one of the pills from the plastic bag and swallowed it.

As the drug still needed time to take effect, the turmoil Jake was feeling in his heart overwhelmed him. He kept scolding himself. How would Clara feel if she knew her son, her cheerful, smart and lovely son, had become this useless, broken being that dropped out of school and found salvation in drugs? Scolding himself, criticizing himself, but yet feeling wronged… what else could he do? He was scared to sleep! What if he died just like his mother? It was too illogical, he knew. He understood that, but it’s not like Jake had any control over the fear that took over him.

He wanted his old life back. He wanted to go back to those blissful days when his biggest problems were taking care of his little brother who had just gotten into high school and how to make that freshman girl he had a crush on like him back.

Maybe it was the drug’s fault that had started to take effect or maybe it was simply because of unspoken thoughts and deep desires and resentments, but as he walked down the streets in the middle of the night, crying his heart out for all the wrongs in his life and for being such a disappointment to his mother, Jake suddenly found himself in a road that he had years of not walking down. A familiar yet foreign place… It was the backyard of a house that wasn’t his. The place was lit by small lights and noises of someone working came from over the fence. Not thinking twice, for God knows what reason, Jake jumped over the fence.

Only when his body heavily fell on the ground, did he understand what he had just done.

Great. Now he’s a burglar too.

How much more of a disappointment can he be?

The more he thought about it, the worse he felt. Just like that, as if all that had happened wasn’t enough, Jake found himself in someone else’s backyard, crying his heart out. Shoulders shaking violently as he sobbed, that dark whole in his chest felt as if it was eating him up from the inside bit by bit.

/"I’m sorry./" His voice broke. /"I’m sorry… I’m sorry…/" He bit his lip not knowing to whom he was apologizing. To the owner of the house? To his mother? To himself?

Suddenly a voice broke the silence around Jake. A soft, familiar voice that he hadn’t heard in years that made his heart tremble violently. /"Are you okay?/"

It startled him and sobered him up. The violent sobs and tears that had no end came abruptly to a stop that almost choked him. Jake sat up, his head hung low, and knees brought to his chest. His hands covered his face as he tried to think clearly.

Why was he here? How did he end up here? Trying to make sense of the situation, he finally realized that the place he had fallen into was a dark corner of the backyard. So she hasn’t seen my face, right? Will she call the police?

Thinking of this, Jake shook his head. No, no. She can’t. I… I have to leave… before she does anything. However, Jake was someone who hadn’t slept for several days in a row, and what’s worse, he hadn’t put absolutely anything in his mouth today. Even though he still wasn’t hungry and had no appetite, Jake was thirsty…

Embarrassed, with wet cheeks that were flushed red, Jake spoke in a hoarse voice. /"Can… can you give me some water? Please?/"

Fucking hell!!! I broke into her house. HER house… and as if that wasn’t enough, I’m even asking her for water. What the fuck Jake? Thinking of who the girl was made him feel even more embarrassed.

This was Ryder. Ryder Quinn!!! The freshmen he once had a crush on!! He hadn’t said two words to her when he was in school, and after two years, he just breaks into her house and asks for water after crying like a fool? What the fuck is wrong with me!!!!

Sure enough, Ryder answered in a voice that couldn’t hide her fear. /"Will you leave afterwards?/"

Jake nodded.

From the corner of his eyes he saw Ryder grabbing a bottle of water from a table. Only then did he notice that the backyard looked more like a junkyard than anything. There were all sorts of things around, yet he didn’t care to observe anything, but the girl in front of him who tossed the half-full bottle to him.

Looking at her, the only thing Jake could think about was only one sentence:

She cut her hair…

Jake took the bottle in his hands and brought it to his lips, drinking like he had never tasted water in his life before. When the bottle was empty, Jake rolled it back at Ryder’s feet and stood up. He dusted off his clothes and, anxiously making sure his hood hid his face, he spoke to Ryder once more. /"I’m sorry for scaring you. I better get going./" Before you call the police, he wanted to add but didn’t lest he gave her any ideas or reminded her of such an obvious thing Ryder should have done. Just as he was about to jump over the fence, something stopped him. It was a desire, a mischievous, selfish desire that he hadn’t felt in years. The desire of a young man who wanted to leave an impression on the girl he likes, even though Jake’s feelings for Ryder had gathered dust since long ago. Yet he wanted her to know that he wasn’t just some random drugged guy…

Without thinking of the consequences, Jake threw another sentence at Ryder, his tone soft and warm, carrying a hint of smile.

/"Thank you for helping me, Ryder./"