Chapter 18

Victoria hardly slept at all that night. Never mind the fact that she'd gotten home at 3am, but the repeating scenario between her love reiterated itself until she'd felt it was stuck on loop. Every time she saw the hurt in his eyes, the gasp when he'd discovered her, it felt as though she'd been stabbed in the heart. The way she'd made him feel.

She tumbled out of her bed around noon and felt hunger pangs but ignored them. She ignored all of her own needs because she could only focus on Beau's. She didn't know if contacting him now or at all was the right move. If his place in society was so high above them, he'd never overlook this secret.

"Just leave him alone for now," she coaxed herself over a hot tea. The hot burn of tea on her tongue was a good kind of uncomfortable. She needed any distraction from the most uncomfortable evening she'd never experienced.

No one at the club asked her what had happened thankfully. She didn't associate much with the rest of the strippers seeing as how she was the only candidate for a masters degree, let alone the only girl there seeking a higher education and a better life. So when she took a seat and began painting her face for another shift, she disguised herself even more than usual. If Beau didn't want to see her face, she didn't want anyone to see it.

Her dancing was uninspired, her sways were robotic. She thanked the music for being the only thing keeping herself in rhythm. She imagined she was a pendulum swing and that the music was the motion that kept her moving back and forth. Except each time she hit the side, she felt the pain. She knew if Beau had been standing there watching, the pain would be even more real. She pictured him standing before her, eyeing her with disgust yet she'd see his love for her written all over his face. Maybe that's what made the pain so real. She continued these thoughts until she realized he was indeed standing before her. He had a seat at the table in front and sipped a whiskey neat.

She met his eyes and saw the confusion and drunkenness beginning to take over his conscious. He looked too carefree to be sober.

Beau walked over to the stage with bills, waiting to slip them down her panties. She walked over to him and got on her knees. Their eyes met barely inches apart. Beau didn't even look at her body. He was only interested in seeing what she had to say for herself.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, barely moving her lips.

"I want a lap dance," he drunkenly asked.

"Okay."

No one else was at the stage, allowing her to quickly slither away and step over to his seat. She posed before him, using the allure of her body to distract others watching while she carried on a conversation.

"Beau, what are you doing here?"

"I had to see you. I wanted to see you. If other people get to see you naked, I want to see you naked. You're mine."

"Of course I'm yours. I love you Beau,"

"I'm going to buy every lap dance so no one gets to feel your skin."

"Please don't do this baby. Go home."

"No. I won't let anyone else have you."

She could smell the whiskey on his breathe and the intoxication lingering around his words. She feared he'd do something to get himself kicked out.

"No one else has me. Just you," she cooed in his ear and kissed his forehead. Beau leaned his neck back and took in the sight of her body, her heaving breasts barely brushing against his shirt. He put his hands on her waist and imagined they were in his bedroom.

"No touching," a security guard approached Beau immediately.

"She's my girlfriend!" he yelled back.

"Please don't get me in trouble."

She pulled his hands off of her and turned her backside to him.

"I'm not allowed to touch my girlfriend?"

"That means no one here gets to touch me. Just you when we are all alone."

Victoria said anything she could to ease his inebriated mind. Seeing him so distraught over her own decisions and secrets she chose to hide from him made her feel horrible.

"I'm so sorry," she continued to say to him. He said nothing, instead letting his heartbroken face do the talking.

"Hey, over here," a man sitting to their left called out. Victoria continued to eye Beau instead.

"I said over here, song's over toots!"

Beau looked over and glared at this overweight, balding gentleman.

"She's mine dude," he pulled out another $20 and placed it down Victoria's panties.

She continued dancing when "Blood Sugar Sex Magik," by the Red Hot Chili Peppers played overhead.

The sensual beats and her natural lust for Beau made this feel like she wasn't being watched, being paid. She wanted him to feel like none of this mattered. So what if she had this intimate moment with so many other men. It was only he that she yearned for.

She refaced him again, once again caressing her breasts up against him as she pulled her panties off for him. He looked down and admired her flesh, the area that for the longest time he only dreamed he would one day get to view.

She held an exotic allure on her face even if deep inside she wanted to cry. Seeing his misery build up, his disbelief at her career, everything screamed at her louder than the music overhead.

"I can't believe other people get this close to you," he began to tear up.

"I'm so sorry Beau. I promise, you're the only one. This is nothing. No one is touching me. No one feels me. Just you."

"I don't want other people to see you like this. I don't want you taking your clothes off for other men. Please stop."

"Beau, I can't."

"Why?"

The song came to a close.

"Alright, bring that sexy ass over here," the bald man yelled the second he noticed.

"I'm not done with her!" Beau proceeded to tell him off and reached into his wallet again.

"I think there's a limit man."

"There are other women here," Beau ignored his heeding.

Another song began and Victoria continued dancing.

"Beau, you're drunk. Let me get you a cab home okay?"

"No, I'm not leaving without you. I'm going to buy you all night if it takes."

"I'm giving you your money back when we get home okay? Please just leave. I don't want to hurt you anymore. The look on your face is killing me."

"I don't care. I'm not leaving. They'll have to drag me out of here before I let that fat fuck over there eye you this way."

Victoria bit her lip in a loss of what to do next. She knew this situation wasn't going to end well. Either she'd have to leave or Beau was going to get dragged out in a drunken fight with the man impatiently waiting for her.

She knew the man waiting, he was a regular. He'd fancied her for years. He wasn't going to let Beau's fight stop him. Beau's sunken eyes and inability to touch her made his tears seem even shinier as they dripped down his cheeks.

She wiped away his tear and kissed his cheek, cooing in his ear anything she could say to help him gain composure.

"I'm so sorry. I really am."

"Why won't you quit?"

"Because, I can't afford my home or my tuition. This is all I have."

"What does your family think?"

"They don't know."

"I'll support you. I'll do anything it takes. Please leave with me."

The song ended and this time the bald man got up and loomed over Beau. "There is a three dance limit."

Victoria stood up, hating to feel she was leaving him with such pain on his face.

"That is the rule. I'm sorry. I'll come see you tonight okay?"

Beau stewed in the seat and watched as she followed the man to his seat. A guilt like none other flooded her mind as she watched him stare, dancing on another man. Watching another man in awe of her skin made his blood thicken and his temper flare. He jumped up and swallowed down the rest of his whiskey. With little consideration he walked to the bar and ordered another glass.

"Are you okay?" the female bartender asked. Beau looked over at here in his stupor and saw a young Indian girl with a black pony tail up high on her made up face. She was just as beautiful, but fully clothed. Beau commended her for taking the higher totem job here.

"I guess so. I'll take another scotch neat," he drunkely slurred. "How long has Victoria worked here?"

"Victoria?"

"Yeah, her," he pointed back.

"Oh, she goes by Madison here. Madison has worked here for 3 years. She's a hot commodity. That guy comes here like three times a week to see her. He thinks one day he's gonna get her," she laughed before pouring him a new drink.

"Does she sleep with her customers?"

"No. I don't think I've ever seen her with someone. She's pretty quiet, and she leaves really fast. I think some of the girls said she's in college. She's pretty smart. I don't think she'll be here for long. Are you in love with her or something?"

"Yeah, kinda," Beau laughed and gulped nearly half of his new glass.

"God that guy is so grabby. He's always trying to touch her."

Beau looked back in time to see the bald male gripping on her waist and attempting to kiss her breasts. Beau ran back and pulled the man by his shirt back.

"Don't fucking touch her!" he scolded. Victoria quickly got up and backed away when security ran over.

"You don't own her, mind your own fucking business!" he stood up and yelled. Beau ignored the man's large stature and swung at him with full force, causing the man to go falling over and knocking a table down on his route to the floor. Security immediately grabbed Beau's wrists and began dragging him out.

"That's it, you're outta here."

"Victoria!" he yelled as he got pulled back. "Let me go asshole, I'm not leaving without my girlfriend!"

Victoria quickly walked off back toward the dressing room with tears flooding her eyes.

The bartender stopped pouring a glass of wine to overhear Beau's comment. In fact, everyone heard her real name and the fact that she was his girlfriend. She was mortified.

Victoria sat in the dressing room and tried to recreate her make up where the tears had smeared her eye liner. Her boss, Amani, came in and slammed the door behind himself. It made her jump out of her seat. Another man was ready to scream her stupid.

"What the fuck was that?!" he spat at her.

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea my boyfriend was here. He just found out I worked here, I never told him anything."

"You know the rules, no boyfriends! Now I've got a guy who wants to press charges against the club!"

Victoria started crying. "I'm so sorry…" she had nothing else to say. She was even more speechless when her boss smacked her across the face with a powerful, heavy hand. She fell over immediately.

"You better hope I can coax this guy into a free year of entry! Now get out of here, you're done for the day. We don't need any more goddamn drama from you."

Victoria wiped her tears away and rapidly grabbed for her change of clothes. She normally just wore a coat over her work clothes, but ever since that night that Beau caught her dressed up, she started bringing a change. Her face still burned, but she knew she deserved it, if not from her boss, but from the man whose heart she'd broken.

She found her way outside, wrapped in her knee length fall coat to find Beau once again sitting before her car.

"Madison."

Victoria shuddered at the calling. She never wanted him to know of this secondary life.

"Beau, you can't come here. My boss just screamed me stupid."

"Well don't worry, I won't. What happened to your eye?"

"Nothing." She wasn't going to tell him he'd hit her. The last thing she needed was him storming back in and bringing more of a lawsuit.

"Did someone hit you?"

"No," she looked down, trying to hide the oncoming bruise.s

"You're lying. Who hit you?"

"It doesn't matter. I deserved it. I'm so sorry. I really am."

"Who hit you? I'll kill them."

"Please just drop it!"

"Fine," he drunkenly accepted. He leaned his body against her car and sighed a defeated, lost breath. "I hate you for not warning me before I fell in love with you."

"Absolutely. I made a huge mistake not being open."

"I can't do this."

"Be-"

"Just stop it. You knew my life, and I thought I knew yours. I won't stoop to this level for you. I do not go to strip clubs. I don't get into fights, and I don't get kicked out of places over a whore!"

Victoria said nothing and sniffled back her tears. She knew she was moments from their relationship ending.

"You either quit, or we're over."

"I can't."

"Obviously you can. It's a choice. Do you love me?"

"Of course I love you!" she cried out, wiping away the newly formed tears.

"Then why won't you quit?"

"Because, I'm comfortable. I can afford to have a nice home and go to school. This is temporary. When I graduate, I'm out of here."

"You're comfortable knowing that these disgusting men are watching you in your purest form? You're comfortable knowing you've destroyed my heart?!"

"No. But I can't quit. I'm sorry."

"Okay then," Beau choked back his own tears. He refused to cry over her. He'd given her enough of his emotions already. "Don't show up to my class anymore. I'll give you your grade based on your work for the semester. Otherwise, I don't want to know you exist."

"Beau, please don't do this. I love you."

"You don't want me to break up with you, but you want to continue to show your body to other men for money?"

"Please don't put it that way."

"Is there any other way to put it?"

Victoria said nothing. She watched as Beau looked around, stifling his tears and thinking of how to exit with more grace than he came in with. "You broke my heart, Madison."

Beau turned away and walked off to his car. Victoria listened to his steps, each time he stomped he crunched the falling autumn leaves. Each crunch sounded like the breaking chips of her body falling one by one. She didn't even think she'd be able to make it to her car before she crumbled.