Chapter 19

"Are you okay?"

Victoria turned around to find the bartender, Roman, unlocking her car, who had parked alongside. Her brunette pony tail fit her black ensemble perfectly. She called about an essence of a tough military woman. She was sexy in a way that she didn't have to be naked one bit to prove it.

"I've had better days," she tried her best to choke back her tears. Crying in front of people was not something Victoria did. It didn't matter if she let people see her naked for money. Seeing her real emotions was far more important to her.

"OMG what happened to your face?!"

"I'd rather not talk about that."

Roman knew. This wasn't the first time she'd seen one of strippers with a bruise. But if she didn't want to talk about it, she wouldn't talk about it. She only pitied her, and feared for herself what her boss might one day do to her. She decided to change the subject with another question.

"Your boyfriend asked me about how long you'd worked here. He looked really upset."

Roman tried not to pry but knew it was pretty clear what had gone down. She shuffled her feet as she opened her car door, moving slowly so she could talk more.

"Yeah, he didn't know until he saw me here last night."

"Why didn't you tell him?"

"It's a long story."

"I've got all night. Come get a drink with me. You're wearing regular clothes below that coat right?"

"Yeah," Victoria laughed.

"Hop in," Roman opened her passenger door and began walking around to start up the engine.

#

Victoria and Roman had a seat at a bar more in line with society, a quiet pub on a Wednesday evening with enough dimness to keep Victoria's swollen eyes hidden. It was the first time in a long time that Victoria had gone to a bar with someone. She didn't have many female friends; none at all in fact. Not just the strip club, Victoria didn't converse with anyone at school either. She was just too focused on her future to let a second of talking get in the way of her priorities. But right now, when Victoria felt more lost than she had growing up, she knew she needed to put aside her thick skin to let her pain out to someone, anyone, that knew her in the slightest. She'd never said much to Roman, but from what she'd overheard, knew she was a tough chick in her own right, and someone who wouldn't be gossiping what she said at work.

"His name is Beau. He's my English professor."

"Whoa! You're fucking your professor? Go girl!" Roman laughed while taking back a sip of her Chimay.

"It was innocent at first. He was always staring at me in class and then someone pointed out to me that he watched me walk out every day. One day he left a note on my essay and so I went to speak with him for the first time. He was really shy and stumbled over his words around me, which I found odd because he gives hourly lectures yet couldn't speak straight in front of me. He managed to have the balls to ask me out even though it's frowned upon at the University. We kept it low key at first, but I found myself falling for him fast, and he made it clear he was in love with me. I didn't tell him about me stripping because I only have a few more months until I graduate and I didn't think we'd get close enough that quick. I told him there were a lot he didn't know about me but I managed to keep it a secret."

"So how did he find out?"

Victoria pursed her lips, recalling the awful memory of seeing the look of complete wounded betrayal on his face as she straddled him. She knew she'd never be able to get that memory out of her mind. Of all the petty actions and minor crimes she'd ever done in her lifetime, nothing felt worse than lying to the one person she loved, and the only person that loved her in any way.

"His friends came in from the US and took him to the club for their bachelor party. God, it was so awful. I got paid to give a guy who was shy a lap dance, and next thing I knew, I look down and see him staring at me."

"Holy shit! What an awful way to find out!"

"Absolutely. I felt so horrible. I couldn't think straight the rest of my shift. I was leaving and found him at my car. He yelled at me and called me a whore."

Roman thought back to earlier, and Beau's questions about "Madison."

"He asked me if you sleep with your customers. I told him you were pretty shy, quiet, and that you leave really quickly after your shifts. Basically what he wanted to hear."

"I think what he wants to hear is that this is all a dream. I cannot believe he used my real name. I'm so humiliated! I don't know how I'll go back in there."

"Are you going to? What about Beau?"

"He was drunk and waiting at my car when I left. He told me it was either the job or him," Victoria held up her beer for a moment and took another sip. It was matter of factly that the decision didn't take more than a second for her to make.

"I take it by the fact that you're crying, you chose your job."

"I have no choice! I'd never be able to afford my town home and pay for my last semester without it. He thinks I have a family that could support me. I didn't tell him I don't have a family. I didn't want a fucking pity party like the rest of the world has given me. There's so much he doesn't know about me. I don't know if I made a mistake or not hiding it from him."

"You don't have a family?" Roman's eyes loomed moreso than when she saw the bruise on her face.

"No. I know I'm Mexican, and that I grew up in Edmonton. All I know is that my parents were deported back and I got left behind. Who they are, I have no idea. I don't even really speak Spanish. And please, don't feel sorry for me. I am so tired of it. I'm fine, really."

"Did you ever try to find them?"

Victoria shook her head, a short longing in her eyes at this failed mission. "Years ago. No one knows anything."

Roman wanted to wrap her arms around Victoria and throw her the most sympathetic hug that ever existed, but she could sense that this was nothing hard for her. It seemed like she was a barricade of hurt that just didn't hurt anymore.

"Well, I say fuck him. It's not like you're doing this job to be a slut. You're doing it to get a degree, and not a lot of women have the balls to do something like that for the greater good of their education. Not everyone gets a free ride through college. I figured a professor would admire what you're willing to sacrifice for that."

"Seeing as how the sacrifice was him, he doesn't."

"Do you think you'd get back with him when you graduate and quit working here?"

"Absolutely. I really do love him. It all happened so fast. My God, one day a regular customer saw me in public and I had no idea how to explain to Beau why he was calling Madison. I lied and told him he probably thought I was someone else. It was so embarrassing. I feel horrible that I dragged him into my nasty little world. He's an upper crust guy, he doesn't need to be around someone like me."

"Working as a stripper doesn't make you a monster Madison, I mean Victoria. Just like bartending at a strip club doesn't make me a slut. But you know, I want to go to college too eventually. I just don't have the moves like you to get me the dough for funding."

Victoria laughed at this comment, because she herself had huge doubts about what it meant to be 'sexy,' and if she herself was sexy at all. Thanks to her body, she felt there really was no way to fail at her job. Just standing there would be enough.

"Oh please, I'm so shy and I figured it out. I just tell myself that I'm someone else for a few hours and only listen to the music. I don't pay attention to the faces, the urges, the grabbing hands. I just blur everything out and hear music that controls me."

"You must be amazing in bed with an attitude like that."

Roman's words were so comforting, even just her simple jokes.

"I must ask, what does your family think of you bartending there?"

"Holy shit girl, they do NOT know and it's going to stay that way. You think it's bad hiding this from your man, try having an angry Indian family calling you the family failure because you didn't go straight to college. And it's not that I've ruled it out, it's that after high school I just wanted to explore life a bit and see what my options were before I pinned myself down to one idea. It's the same as marrying the first guy you fuck, you end up regretting it. I live by myself in New West, and thankfully if anyone in my family caught me at work, they'd have their own explaining to do."

Victoria laughed at this very true notion. "You're right, you def have it worse than me. At least I don't have to explain myself to anyone but someone that's only known me for three menstrual cycles."

Roman spit her whiskey out across the bar top in a fit of laughter. "Man, I never thought I'd like you so much. That's it, you're my new best friend. Seriously though, if this guy cannot accept you for who you are, fuck him. Any man would be lucky to have a hot girlfriend who can support herself. You're so much better than him."

She smiled both inside and out. She always knew these opinions to be true, but it was far more gratifying to have them come from someone else's mind.

"Thanks for taking me out. Talking to someone for once in my life, its nice. Beau is pretty much the only person I've had in my life in a long time."

"Well I always wonder why you're so quiet. You're the only girl there I feel I could have a conversation with, the others seem so stupid!"

"Ha, I'll have to agree with you there. So, you want to go to college huh?"