Fear and Doubt

Logan Pov

I know how to mess things up, that's for sure. Why would I ask her that? Make things awkward when I'm supposed to get close to her. Ryan really thinks I'm an idiot too. Even Jack, our sailor, looks unhappy and he doesn't even know what happened. The guy is getting on my nerves though, he keeps staring at Mariana like she's a piece of steak.

After telling Ryan what I said to her, he hits his forehead, leaving a red mark on the smooth skin. I sigh again. He left me standing over here letting my mind wonder and it keeps guilt tripping me for ruining something good. All I want right now is a distraction. I turn to my right, looking at Ryan and stare at him. He turns around, as if he can feel my eyes on him, an eyebrow raised and asks, "What?" His voice deep and nochalant.

"Can we talk? My mind needs to be distracted." He purses his lips and hums 'umhm' with enough attitude to give a girl whiplash. That's the kind of distraction I need. Ryan has been my friend for so long, he helps me even if he doesn't realises it. We're partners in crime and I'm going to need his help to get Mariana to at least listen to me again.

I don't think it's that big of a deal, but I guess with any girl, including mermaids, you never really know what to make of a situation. I know she has tender, yet tempermental feelings, I mean, one setback at the beach had her swimming away and an hour ago she nearly boiled the ocean and now, now she is so embarassed she can't even look at me! Kind of reminds me of myself.

I'm a difficult person to be around, with my sudden change in mood and emotions. We're similar in that way, me and her. I guess, I push people away because I'm afraid of getting hurt. Ryan is the only one I let in after my mother abandoned me. Left home and never came back. That's where my living hell started. Maybe because of it, it made me automatically keep people at arms length. And now I'm doing it to a girl who believes I am her soul mate.

"You can stop beating yourself up now." Ryan tells me. I haven't even noticed him standing next to me. I look at my life long friend, my brother, and wonder if I could accept someone else like I accepted him. Mariana seems like a wonderful girl, but...having doubts about everything has me doubting her feelings for me. I mean, things like this doesn't just happen! "Ryan, I don't know if this was a good idea."

"You having second thoughts about this is not a good thing, y'know." I look at his face and it looks worried. "What do you mean? Am I just supposed to accept that this random mermaid is my soul mate. You and I both know how the world works, she could be lying." Ryan considers my words, nodding his head like he's just thinking about it. Ryan opens his mouth to speak and just then Jack sqeezes in between us.

I eye him wearily, "Aren't you supposed to be driving the boat?" I ask him with a raised eyebrow. Ryan also gives him a weird look, like he doesn't understand why the pirate is standing with us. "I turned off the engine, the current will take us in the rest of the way." Jack says. I want to ask him why he's standing here between me and Ryan, but then he continues, "But there is something else I'd like to add. A mermaid doesn't just come to the surface and plays tricks on human beings. I guarantee you, mer-folk are no liars and deceivers. If she says she's yours, she means it."

Jack pats me on the back and heads back inside the cabin. Ryan and I are speechless. He knows of Anna's kind and a few more things about them, but most of all, his speech clarified someting for me, I have no need to be afraid of her or what she tells me. But I can't help but still feel a nagging feeling at the furthest part of my mind that, she's going to end up hurting me anyway, bond or not.

"Okayyy, that wasn't weird in the slightest." Ryan's words bring me back to reality once again. I think the people on this island know more than they let on. Jack is just the first to make himself known. It makes me wonder whether the people who were helping Mariana also know about her kind. I heave a breath of frustration, something that I have been doing a lot lately.

"You know...I'm starting to think that my theory of Aldera might just be real." I turn my head to look at Ryan. Of all the things he could be thinking about he's thinking about his imaginary kingdom. I open my mouth to retort but Mariana comes barreling out of the cabin and is coming straight for Ryan. "What did you just say?" She asks in a breathless state. The look on her face is one of shock and curiosity is slowly blooming in her eyes. Ocean blue eyes I can get myself lost in. Shaking my head to clear my thoughts of everything inappropriate, I clear my throat to gain her attention, "Does something he said spike your interest?" She hardly looks at me, all I get is a little glance my way but other than that, she ignores me. She grabs onto Ryan's arm that is folded in front of his chest and the overwhelming feeling of jealousy hits me. I just want to jank her hands off of my friend and hold onto them. But I don't, because I still haven't decided what I want. "Um, I said that my idea of Aldera might just be real..." Ryan says slowly. Mariana squeals in delight like she has just been given a present.

"That is the name of my kingdom! I can't believe I found the keeper of history. And that on land! Not to mention that you are friends with my mate. This is so amazing! We have plenty to talk about." The words rushes out of her mouth and by each sentence Ryan's face brightens and a smile crawls onto his face. Mariana might just have given Ryan the biggest gift he has ever received, even if it comes in the form of words. Words that probably mean more to him than he can express. "Seriously! You're saying that the kingdom I have been dreaming about my entire life, is the place you and Logan are meant to rule?" My head whips in his direction. Excuse me but I haven't made up my mind about this, I'm no royalty nor fit to be ruling a kingdom I know nothing about. "I'm not going to indulge in this mediocre thing, I am no king or any royal for that matter and Ryan definitely isn't a 'keeper of history'. So, for your sake buddy, take her words with a grain of salt." I huff out. Although I feel bad for bursting my friend's bubble, but I can't have this mermaid involve my friend in all of this too.

They both look at me with the same expression and the same emotions in their eyes, annoyance, anger and something akin to sadness. "That is not your choice to make!" Ryan yells at me, his face turning red in anger. "I have been dreaming about this place for as long as I can remember, and it isn't just a dream, it's my calling. And I now have a clear explanation why! Just because you are all hung up about the trouble between you two doesn't mean you get to decide this for me, got it?" This is the first time he has ever taken words out of my mouth. I think I took too long to respond, Ryan huffs out an angry breath and leaves me and Anna by ourselves. He shuts the cabin door with a loud bang and disappears below the deck.

I can see that the awkward tension that was left behind is making Anna very uncomfortable. I can't believe this just happened. I scratch the back of my head, things are spiraling out of control too quickly. "I didn't mean...to upset you." She turns around to leave but I grab a hold of her upper arm. She has nothing to be apologetic about, I shouldn't have acted that way. I should probably tell her this isn't her fault, instead I ask what she was talking about. "The only way for another person to know about my kingdom without being aware of its existence is to be the keeper of history." She says slowly. I nod and gesture with my hand for her to go on. She takes a deep breath in and then continues, "The keeper wouldn't know what he or she is until made aware. I guess I have just made Ryan aware of who he is. He said that he has been dreaming about it for a long time. Maybe you can help me...to figure out if I'm not making a mistake." I look down at her flushed face. Her cheeks are tinted pink with an emotion I can't quite put my finger on. "How do I help you?" I ask in a hushed tone so I don't come across as annoyed, which I definitely am. "You can tell me about Ryan, how long he's been dreaming about it, what he does that connects him with his dreams, things like that."

It makes me angry that she is asking me to tell her about someone else and not me. I mean, yeah I like her and no one wants their crush to be asking about someone else, and why should I be jealous? She's asking about my friend, someone I consider my brother and is trying to help me by helping him. This bond is starting to feel all the more real to me. "Well, he's been dreaming about his imaginary kingdom since he was a little kid. We met in kindergarten at four years old, so that is how long we've know each other. He once said that he's been dreaming about Aldera since even befor we met. He used to tell me everything he would dream about this kingdom under water. It would be like listening to a storyteller." I smile at the memory of when we were kids...I miss those days.

"Anna!" A frantic yet excited voice yells from behind us. We spin around and find that a woman is standing on the boat. She is clothed in a similar way to Anna, and I can see greenish, grey scales receding from her skin into her hairline. She's just as beautiful as Anna and I make the realization that she is also a mermaid. How many more of them are we going to meet? Mariana takes a step forward, she's leaning forward slightly as if she can't believe her eyes. "Mary?" She whispers and this woman nods her head vigorously. Tears springs to both girl's eyes and seconds later they are in a tight embrace, the ocean around us is in an uproar. Responding to Anna's every emotion. The sailboat is moving frantically on the water and both Jack and Ryan come running out the cabin to see the new face on the boat.

The girls break apart moments later and question after question spills out of their mouths all together. Asking each other where they have been, what happend and how they ended up here. "Um, who the hell is she?" Ryan's booming voice bellows, his face is star struck and his cheeks are becoming rosy. Poor guy, he sees a girl he likes and has another thing coming. Mariana turns around and holds the woman around the waist, a bright and happy smile on her face, on that is more real than the ones we have been receiving. "Guys, this is my eldest sister, Mary-Ann, but we just call her Mary."