Chapter 3

"Make sure you take that medicine until it's completely gone, okay? And don't get yourself in trouble like that again!" Kiba had a hand on each of my shoulders as he held me at arm's length with the stern face of a mother scolding her child.

Since he's spent so much time with the Subaku boys and me lately, we've developed a sort of big-brother-little-sister relationship. Now that everyone's about to head out, he'll be separating from us for the first time, going with the Uchihas, Ino, and Sakura.

I nodded with a pout, annoyed that I couldn't grumble at him out loud for treating me like a baby. His stern expression melted after a moment, and he pulled me in for a hug, which I shyly accepted, "I mean it, Matsu. You'd better be good as new by the time we meet in Suna." I nodded again, this time into his chest.

The Inuzuka released me to point at the two Subaku brothers threateningly, "You two better not get into trouble, either. Especially you, Kankuro, you dumbass!"

The elder brother raised his fists as though he was about to box his friend, "Come over here, and I'll show you who the real dumbass is!"

They started wrestling, only to jump apart when Temari barked at them, "Cut it out, idiots!"

All of us, except those going home with Neji and Tenten, were saying our goodbyes in the parking lot. Hanabi still hadn't woken, and they wanted to give her a couple more hours before heading out since carrying her would be troublesome. We already bid farewell to them and finished our goodbyes out here before splitting into our decided groups and hitting the road. We're headed southwest, straight toward Suna, and the others are headed northwest, toward Iwa.

It made me really sad, having to split up our group just after everyone managed to get together again. Parting with Ino, Sakura, Tenten, and Hinata was especially tough. As someone who's never had friends before, especially female ones, it broke my heart to leave and not be one hundred percent sure we'll ever meet again. Sure, our plan's to regroup in Suna, but a million different things can happen between then and now.

Wincing in disgust, I tossed back a mouthful of Kiba's repulsive medicine before closing the bottle and reaching back to slide it into the side pocket of my backpack.

"So what happened to you, Matsuri? Your neck is, like, purple."

It was true. While the cuts and bruises on my face, arms, and body were healing impressively quickly, the once hand-shaped bruise around my neck was still so dark it was almost black, and the discoloration had spread slightly, so it wasn't apparent that I'd been choked. My eyes shot up to glance at Temari before shaking my head and looking ahead again with a frown.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Kankuro barked at his sister, obviously taking her off guard with his irritated tone, "She can't talk. How have you not noticed? We've all been together for like four days now." My gaze hardened and dropped slightly to the ground as the air became awkward and silent for a few moments.

Temari, to my surprise, sounded apologetic, "Sorry. I thought she was just tired or didn't feel good."

It was silent momentarily before she tried again, this time with more tact, "What happened, though? Is she okay? Something bad must've happened."

Shikamaru looked at us all and gave his girlfriend a warning look, but it was too late. Kankuro snapped at her again, "She almost died trying to save my stupid ass, okay Temari? Any other questions?"

Shikamaru seemed curious and likely decided to go ahead and ask since everyone was already worked up, "In what situation would she need to save you?"

My brow furrowed when the guilty look that's been frequenting Kankuro's face lately arose again. Gaara spoke before he could yell again, "He lost a lot of blood and passed out. She…made sure he didn't die."

Kankuro still barked out anyway, "Some guy beat the hell out of her, and she somehow managed to kill him. Can we stop talking about it now? I feel bad enough already." Everyone, including me, turned to stare at Kankuro as he let his head fall back so he could glare at the sky.

Tears rose in my eyes at the obvious self-hate he was feeling, and I hesitantly reached over to grab his much larger hand and squeezed it reassuringly. He looked over at me, and his expression softened. After returning the gesture, he nodded with a deep sigh, "I know, I know." I released his hand after a moment, and things went silent again for a few minutes.

"That's pretty badass, though, Matsuri. I'm proud of you!" I gave Temari a small smile, grateful she was trying to lighten the mood.

We eventually came upon a usable car and drove for six or seven hours before it ran out of fuel. Then we couldn't find any other vehicles and were forced to continue on foot. The drive took us to the edge of the desert area that marked the border of Konoha's territory and the beginning of Suna's. If we can't find another vehicle the entire way there, it would still take us another six or seven days to reach the center of Sunagakure.

I kept catching Gaara glancing at me as we walked at the back of the group, and he caught me looking as well. A huge part of me wanted to reach over and hold his hand, but his siblings would likely make a big deal about it.

They're not stupid. They know we're at least interested in one another, but we still haven't told anyone that we're actually a couple.

Last night, we did some pretty sexual stuff in a near-pitch-black office and had zero experience, and it was wondrous. Looking back, I'm super proud of Gaara and myself for mustering the courage to do something like that.

Remembering the bashful expression on his face when I… My face heated up as an increasingly familiar wave of arousal warmed my lower regions. To my dismay, the emotional bond chose that moment to activate, and I sensed him look over at me in surprise.

Embarrassed, I put my hand to my cheek and shook my head with my eyes closed, hoping he understood that I hadn't meant to let my thoughts get carried away.

"Matsuri, we can go through Mini Suna if you wanna check on your family." My eyes shot open, and I realized all three others were looking back at me. I nodded quickly, wanting nothing more than for the eyes to get off my frazzled appearance.

When they turned back around to face forward, I suddenly realized it was snowing, large, soft snowflakes. Winter is almost as cold in Suna as in Konoha or Oto, but snow is rare. I watched it in silent awe as it fell to mix into the light-colored sand.

An hour or two passed, filled with random, casual chatter from the three in front of us when suddenly I had the urge to cough. My eyes widened anxiously, and I dazed with panic. I haven't coughed since I received this injury.

What if it tears whatever healing my insides have managed to do? What if I pull my hand away, and there's blood? I won't know how to handle that.

Oh, god, it's going to hurt.

My breathing became scratchy, and I had no choice but to cough into the crook of my arm, wincing at the searing pain that shot down my throat. It sounded even more painful than it was, though, and Gaara glanced at me with concern. I gave him a slight look of reassurance as I breathed through the throbbing ache.

To my surprise, my constant discomfort over the past week had significantly lessened once it passed. Would I be able to…? No, I better not try. Sakura told me that for throat injuries, it was best to not speak for as long as possible for throat injuries to maximize its healing.

Four days of traveling on foot passed. We hadn't found a single car or suitable shelter the entire time, so it was a true test of our endurance. Not only did we have to stick together during the day, but we had to sleep in one tent at night, too. By the time my hometown came into view, I was fed up with Temari and Shikamaru's loud arguing, which often turned into loud flirting before returning to arguing once more.

"Lead the way!" The Subaku sister encouraged me when the sight of Mini Suna's outskirts put a pep in my step.

It seemed just as deserted as any other town or village we've visited, but the place where I grew up was tiny. There were maybe fifty houses, one grocery store, one restaurant, and no schools or parks. As previously mentioned, I've been home-schooled all my life. Mrs. Ishida, who lives one block from me, was the neighborhood teacher. Only seven of us were learning from her, and our ages varied from ten to eighteen.

Mini Suna is definitely a lower-class town.

When my little rundown house came into view, I grabbed the knife from my pocket and slowed down. It looked empty, but any of us could attest that that doesn't mean it was. Also, if someone is inside, that doesn't mean it's my mother.

The others naturally followed my lead, making our footsteps quieter and preparing for anything to happen once I opened the door. My fingers trembled nervously when I softly tried to turn the door handle, only to find it locked.

That's a good sign! Either someone was inside, or they'd left town for somewhere safer. I'll be apprehensive if my mother isn't here, but I'd rather her be somewhere else safe than have stayed here and gotten hurt.

Placing the handle of my knife in my mouth, I grabbed the third stone from the porch and turned it over to pick up the key taped on the underside of it. Once I unlocked the door, I grabbed my knife again and paused before opening the door quickly and raising the weapon in preparation.

"Matsuri? Is that you?"

My eyes widened when they landed on a slightly thinner Usotsuki, my mother's boyfriend. His salt and pepper hair was long and messy, and his green eyes were sunken and wild-looking. I don't care about him. I cared about why I couldn't see my mother in the family room beside him.

My eyes darted around, searching for her before returning to him and narrowing. He got to his feet, the thick blankets around his body falling to the sofa and floor, "I'm sorry, Matsuri. Your mom…"

A painful lump rose in my throat at the insinuation of his words, and my glare hardened. My throat was still on the mend and hurt like hell, but I had to talk. I had to find out what was going on, "...What?"

My friends became tenser behind me. Taking further steps inside, my knife remained raised threateningly toward the tall man, who backed away at the same pace I was approaching. Tears began to wet my cheeks, "Where's my mother, Uso?"

There it was. I'd only seen the flash of rage in his eye before he hit my mom or me. It disappeared quickly when he glanced at the others behind me, and he shook his head with a frown, "She got sick while you were away. After the bombs went off, she couldn't fight past that, the hunger, and the cold. Sorry."

A terrible pain rose in my chest, and I choked back a sob, my voice cracking even further, "Where is she? Tell me!"

He frowned at my bedroom but spoke condescendingly, "You know, if you wouldn't have left, you could've helped. Maybe then she'd still be alive."

"What the fuck did you just say to her?"

"I oughta kick your ass, old man!"

Kankuro and Temari yelled at him but ignored it as I approached my bedroom door.

My eyes closed as my hand came to rest on the door handle, and I prayed that this wasn't happening. Usotsuki was lying. He had to be. She's not really here and simply left him, and this was his strange way of trying to get back at us for it by making me panic.

I turned the handle. The knife's hilt fell from my mouth and clattered loudly onto the floor.

There she was.

The room was so cold that she hadn't decomposed all that much, so she still looked close to her usual self, but she was obviously dead. Long brown hair was splayed messily over my pillows, and her dress was tossed about.

He hadn't even correctly fixed her up when he put her in here! The disrespect put a rage in my blood that I wasn't sure how to handle, but it hit the backburner as I took one step toward her, then another, then one more before falling to my knees at the side of the low-sitting bed.

"Mama…."

Suddenly, I was a little kid again. A kid that needed her mother.

Heavy tears fell seamlessly down my cheeks to drip from my chin as I shakily reached to touch her cheek with the back of my hand. A sob shook my frame when ice-cold skin touched mine, and my body sort of hunched over the side of the bed.

It was quiet everywhere in the house except for where I was mentally and physically trying not to fall apart. A minute passed before I managed to take a ragged breath and pulled my injured wrist from its sling to reach over and soothe her tousled hair. It hurt, but I couldn't just leave her like that. After fixing her clothes, I studied her face again, caressing it softly as I cried.

Suddenly, something just at the collar of her shirt caught my eye. I fumbled to move it lower, only to freeze when my eyes fell upon a deep stab wound above her breast. Then I let go of her completely as though the contact had stung me.

Unable to breathe or even blink, I tried to comprehend the apparent truth: Uso killed my mother. He probably lost his temper, and she couldn't leave the house because it was too dangerous, so he killed her. The monster attempted to hide it with that high-collared shirt she's wearing.

Robotically, I got to my feet and turned around.

Gaara stood behind me with a somber expression that said he didn't know if he should comfort me or continue offering space so I could process the situation. I wasn't sure if he saw what I just did, but I ignored him either way.

Without a word, I knelt to grab my knife and moved in a trance-like manner into the family room again. The other three stood near the doorway with worried expressions, but I ignored them too.

"I wanted to keep her here in case you came back so we can have a funeral for-!" Usotsuki's words cut off when the stoic cover that'd been helping repress my emotions fell, and nothing was left but my anger, my rage.

He managed to block my first attempt at stabbing him and shoved me back, his forearm bleeding, but I pushed his hands down and punched with every ounce of my might. When he staggered, the blade went into his chest as easily as it would butter, but I kept going, straddling his waist when he fell to the floor. Sobs tore from my throat just like the knife was tearing through his flesh over and over again.

"What the hell! Stop!" Kankuro yelled from nearby, but he wasn't sure if he should intervene.

Uso was dead long before someone grabbed my wrist and pried the knife from my fingers. I tried with all my might to free my arm but couldn't overpower whoever it was and ended up falling prey to my grief. The bloody weapon clattered loudly onto the ground as we struggled.

The person pulled me away from the corpse, and strong arms wrapped firmly around my shaking form as I cried and sobbed and fell to pieces. My head felt like it would explode, and my chest felt like my heart would burst out of it. I couldn't breathe.

Then, I wasn't awake anymore.

~

When I woke, someone still held me tightly as though they didn't want me to escape. My heart immediately pumped faster as I recalled what had happened before, and I fought against their hold as I opened my eyes.

"Matsuri…." It was Gaara holding me. His voice was low and contained a tug of an unfamiliar, sad emotion.

I didn't stop fighting, but my efforts lessened when pulling back to look at his face as I cried. With a furrowed brow, gritted teeth, and eyes more watery than usual, the redhead's expression was as foreign as his tone.

"Let go!" My voice broke as the tears quickened.

Gaara wrestled my wrists, even the injured one, into his grip and forced my hands open to cup his face, "Look at me."

I shook my head, sobbing as I tried to tug away from his firm hold, "Let go of me right now!"

His grip tightened, and he brought his forehead to mine, pressing almost roughly when I tried to shove him off, "Matsuri." The man's tone was a million times softer and wavered as though he were about to join me crying.

My eyes shot open to lock onto his, and I froze completely. Teal eyes searched mine as he cautiously moved an inch back. The breath hitched in my throat as my adrenaline faded, and all that was left was unmanageable despair. Warm skin under my palms, I closed my eyes again, and this time I gently rested my forehead on his as my shoulders shook and I mourned the loss of my only parent.

Gaara's breathing became uneven as he likely felt overwhelmed by the complete mess before him, but he didn't run away. Slowly, he released my wrists. One of his hands cupped mine against his cheek while the other came to the back of my head to hold me more firmly against him, fingers trembling all the way.

The gut-wrenching sound of my own sobs didn't comprehend as coming from me. It was as though someone was watching a movie nearby. Others were sniffling nearby, more than one person, but I couldn't figure out who it was or exactly how many there were. The realization made me cry harder, and my body naturally tried to make itself smaller.

Shaky hands guided me down so I could bury my face into a warm shoulder. The chest against mine heaved as Gaara took a deeper breath to cope with heightened emotions.

"Don't, Kankuro!" It was Temari's voice hissing in a whisper. The other Subaku boy must've moved to approach us.

Something wet touched my fingers, distracting me from the thought, and I gingerly backed off, realizing I might've pushed Gaara too far, but he held on more tightly, "S-Stay. It's alright."

I crawled closer, collapsing against him with one arm around him to grip his shoulder. He kept the other beneath his and slid it down from his face to rest against his chest. And then I cried. I just cried.

It took a long time; I'm not sure the exact amount, but I eventually calmed enough to murmur words of apology into Gaara's tear-soaked shirt.

After a while, I awkwardly washed my face and forced myself to get it together so I could go outside, ignoring everyone's solemn stares.

"What are you doing?" Gaara asked as he followed me.

I trekked through the messy backyard until I reached the shed and opened the heavy, worn door. Once I found what I was looking for, I grabbed it and started walking back toward the overgrown garden by the small patio.

"Matsuri, no. Absolutely not."

The shovel was torn from my grasp, and I turned to glare at Gaara, "Give it back." My voice still sounded raspy and awful.

He returned the unrelenting stare, but it wasn't the usual one. This one said, "this is for your own good, so you better back off.". Our stare-off lasted a while before he sighed and shook his head, "Go inside and be with your mother."

My glare softened, and I turned to see the other two men coming out to join him. I met his gaze again before nodding and retreating inside to my room. Usotsuki's body was no longer on the floor in the small family room, but I don't know what they did with it. Feed him to the stray dogs for all I care.

I sat on the floor at the side of my old bed and crossed my arms before resting my chin on it and staring at Mom's pale, sunken face.

The only reason I left was for her sake. That prize money was supposed to be a new beginning for the two of us, a fresh start. As it turns out, my leaving was the beginning of the bitter end for her.

No matter how much I wanted to believe he was wrong, Usotsuki's words had some truth. Me being here when things hit the fan probably wouldn't have helped anyone fair better when it came to food or water, but I would've died before letting him kill her. If only I'd been here…then maybe I could've taken that knife instead of her. I would've done it without a second thought.

What's worse is that she was obviously alive up until maybe a couple of days ago, meaning that if I'd come with Hidan and the other guys, I still might've made it before it was too late. So many choices led to me not being here to protect her, and there wasn't anyone to blame for that because I hadn't known what was happening here at home.

I still couldn't help but blame myself because it was me that decided to apply for The Program, and it was me who decided to go to Oto with the others rather than check on my only family.

"Hey. Want some company, or would you prefer to be alone?" It was Temari. I shrugged, honestly not caring if she stayed or went.

She sat by my side, resting her arms on the bed like I did. For multiple minutes, neither of us said anything, but then she spoke in a surprisingly vulnerable and soft voice, "I lost my mom when I was three, but I remember her."

My grief and disbelief finally started to dumb down, allowing a numb feeling to sweep over me.

There wasn't a single thing I wanted to say or could even think of saying in response, and I think she understood that because she continued, "I won't lie and say it's easy to live without a mother because it's not, but you do get used to it. After a while, things will get easier. You'll learn how to manage. You don't forget, but you also force yourself not to think about it so often."

My eyes danced over my mother's face as I listened to her words. Right now, they're just something to focus on so I don't have to focus on the pain in my heart, but later on, I'm sure I'll come to appreciate her being so vulnerable with me.

"You're stronger than I ever thought you were, so you're gonna make it through this. I'm sure of it." She seemed to hesitate but gingerly rubbed my back in an attempt to bring me some comfort. I leaned toward her.

Naturally, she moved to hug me against her side as we both looked at the tragic dead woman lying before us, silent once more.

When the guys were finished digging a grave near the garden, they carefully moved her body outside and set it down inside it. No one said anything for almost an hour as we stared down at her, lying lifelessly at the bottom of a six-foot hole.

There wasn't a chance I'd be able to say a word without bursting into sobs again, so I kept my teeth grit and tried to memorize her face one last time, so I won't ever forget what she looked like.

I thought we would call it quits and start shoveling the dirt on top of her, but Kankuro surprised me by saying a few words, "I never met her, but she has my respect for raising such a strong daughter. I hope she can rest in peace."

The others made sounds of agreement, and I shakily reached up to wipe at the few tears that slipped past my blockade. Another few minutes passed before Shikamaru looked over at me, and I gave him a slight nod. Then he grabbed the shovel and began burying my mother's body.

I stayed there, frozen until I couldn't see her anymore. A warm hand sliding gently into mine pulled my attention from the half-filled grave, and I looked over to see Temari giving me a reassuring look before pulling me with her back inside the house.

Somehow, it didn't bother me when she climbed into my mother's bed with me, and I even rolled over to cuddle into her side. Today, for the first time, she felt like my big sister rather than someone I was wary of because of her past decisions.