Chapter 4

"Are you sure you're ready to leave? We can stay another day if you want."

I shook my head at Kankuro's sympathetic question. Last night, we buried my mother. When I woke up this morning, everything felt numb and hollow. I know that eventually, and likely at the least opportune moment, the emotions from her death will hit me like a freight train. For now, though, we have a job to do, and it's going to keep me distracted from all that happened yesterday.

After freshening up and visiting the fresh grave in the backyard again, we got back on the road in the direction of Sunagakure. From my house, it's just over a two-day trip to the town center on foot.

Physically, I felt fine, minus my still-broken wrist and sore throat, but mentally I felt like a zombie. My eyes were wide and dazed as we walked for hour after hour. The beautiful white snow mixing in with the sand as the wind blew didn't even catch my eye like it did before.

By night's fall, we'd reached the outskirts of town and found one of the larger hospitals in Suna. Luck was on our side because the backup generators were still working, and the massive facility ran from its own well, so we could bathe.

We chose a floor, and each took a room to use the bathrooms and meet again to go to bed.

Just as I turned the water on in the shower, I heard a soft knock on the bathroom door. I knew it was Gaara before even opening it. He gave me a hesitant look, and I stepped aside so he could come in. He likely waited for everyone else to get into their rooms before coming over to avoid getting caught.

I undressed with a slight warmth coming to my face but still didn't care as much as I would have if I hadn't gone through what I just had. My wrist was still a bit swollen and bruised, but it didn't look as bad as it had almost two weeks ago when I first hurt it. I didn't want the super nice brace they found for me to get ruined, so I took it off before getting in.

Gaara followed my lead.

Steam filled the air almost instantly. Something about hotel and hospital bathrooms just made the air get hot and moist more quickly, and water always gets everywhere. Not to mention the water always gets much hotter than it does at a house.

Without asking, he turned me around and started to massage shampoo into my hair. The injury on the side of my head was almost completely healed, so it wasn't necessary to be quite so gentle, but his fingers were still soft and careful, as though he wanted to be sure he wouldn't hurt me.

After rinsing it and repeating the process with the conditioner, he seemed to hesitate behind me. I turned to face him, and through the numbness in my chest, a warmth spread at the blush dusting his cheeks and the unsure expression on his face.

"Would it make you uncomfortable if I-" I kissed him, making him stop talking.

His wet hair fell into his eyes, and he reached up to push it back before carefully running his fingers into the hair on the back of my head. It wasn't the frantic, sex-charged kissing we'd done that night in Konoha. No, it was sweet, reassuring, and emotional.

He was trying to tell me how sorry he was that such a terrible thing happened and that he wanted to make me feel better and just didn't know how. I was trying to tell him how much I appreciate all he's done in the past few days and since we left the asylum, even if I wasn't in the best state to say so right now.

For a couple minutes, I let him comfort me, and it actually helped ease the tension within, but then a harrowing thought crossed my mind out of nowhere and ruined my slowly calming emotions. Now that my mother is dead, where will I go once everything's said and done?

We don't own that house; it's a rental. I'm seventeen, homeschooled, and have never had a job. Sure, I can get one immediately, and I genuinely don't mind working, but what will I do until the money starts coming in? It'll take at least a few weeks to save up enough for the deposit on even the most affordable apartments. I'll be homeless. If I'm homeless, I won't have access to amenities, and it'll be hard to keep my new job if I can't shower and wash my clothes properly, so I'll get fired and return to square one.

"What's wrong?"

I suddenly realized we had stopped kissing a moment or two ago, and I was standing there in a panicked daze under the steaming hot water. I shook my head to reassure him that I was alright and to shake my anxious thoughts away until later. Just like how Gaara and I were likely to split once this invasion ended, it'd only make things uncomfortable for everyone involved if I brought it up before it was time to deal with it.

He gave me a couple more soft kisses before focusing on washing his hair.

I watched his hands as I cleaned my body with the tiny bar of soap the hospital provided. He has such beautiful hands. The last time we bathed together, I noticed it, too. Maybe it's because they were more prominently in my hair and body than usual.

He met my eye, catching me staring, and turned to face me more fully with a question on his features. Clearing my throat, I managed to say what was on my mind in a hoarse voice, "If we get a chance to sneak away like last time, do you want to have sex?"

His pupils shrunk as he stood frozen with a stunned expression. My face warmed, but I held his gaze firmly.

We're running out of time. I'm sure I want to be with Gaara for the first time. If we wait until we get to the center of Suna, our chance may have already passed. Even if he decides to part with me after we meet The Meishu and explain the situation, my heart belongs to him.

He's my first kiss and boyfriend. I want him to complete the pattern and be my first partner.

"Are you saying this because of…?" His voice was a bit softer, and a flash of his emotions came over me.

Surprise, excitement, bashfulness, anxiety, concern.

Gaara was worried I'd gone into the emotional deep-end and was offering to have sex to find a coping mechanism.

I shook my head, face warming further as I recalled the words I said to him when we first confessed to one another, "You're an important person to me, and I want my first time to be with you," I hesitated when he continued to search my face rather than respond, "Do you not want to? I don't want to make you do anything you're uncomfortable with, so please say no if that's the case!"

My throat was burning like crazy with all my talking, but I had to clearly communicate with him, or else he might misunderstand.

Gaara's hands came down from his soapy hair, and he rinsed them before carefully holding my waist to pull me closer, "Don't rush yourself for my sake."

Frowning, I denied his accusation, "I'm not. I really want this."

The pink on his cheeks got more prominent, "Then I want to. Very much." He paused again, and I got the sense it was more out of nervousness this time, "When?"

I shrugged, "Whenever the chance arrives, I guess."

We both blushed, and he nodded before averting his eyes and releasing his hold on my bare skin, "Okay then."

I'm nervous, too. Incredibly.

I've seen and touched him intimately, and I know it'll hurt at first, but I've read that it eventually feels good. Not only that, but apparently, you feel more connected to the person you do it with, which I'll always eagerly accept. Gaara allowing me to be this close to him already feels like a dream, but to get closer? It'll be nothing short of a gift.

Temari and Shikamaru nearly caught us leaving the room at the same time once we were done bathing, but I swiftly ducked behind Gaara; he's so much bigger than me that I'm positive they didn't notice.

After meeting everyone in the room at the end of the hall, the one we all agreed to sleep in, I realized I could eat everyday foods again. After eating, we gathered a bunch of mattresses from the nearby rooms and pushed them together on the floor to make one big bed and covered it with a dozen pillows and blankets. It wasn't cold, but I still didn't mind when we all naturally cuddled together, like when camping outside.

Sleep took over quickly, and later I was woken by someone gently shaking my shoulder. My eyes crept open, and I realized it was Gaara. He gestured toward the door with his head, and I nodded, immediately blushing when I realized what he meant.

Careful not to wake Kankuro, I slid out from under his heavy arm and snuck out of the room. The redhead grabbed my hand, and we walked far away from where our traveling partners were sleeping. I was relieved he also wanted to be sure no one would walk in or interrupt because I'd surely die if it happened.

Finally, we found a room with one of those pullout couches so if the patient had a family member staying with them, they'd have somewhere to sleep. Gaara tossed the pillows and blanket onto it as I shut and locked the door.

It was dark, but not quite as dark as it was in that office because there were two large windows above the sofa, and the moonlight was pouring in seamlessly. To my relief, the redhead didn't let things get awkward by hesitating and immediately pulled me against him to press his lips into mine softly.

Inwardly, I thanked God that we'd been able to shower and brush our teeth earlier. Neither of us would really mind if that wasn't the case, given the circumstances, but I still wanted him to see me in as positive a light as possible.

It all made my heart flutter: his touch, taste, and scent. I'm completely enamored by this man.

I fumbled to unbutton my shirt with one hand but somehow managed and shrugged it off before refocusing on matching his rising level of passion. Long fingers danced down my back, over my hips, and up to my chest. A trail of goosebumps followed their path.

One of his hands disappeared from my breasts, and he reached between us to pull his shirt off over his head and let it fall near mine on the floor. Every time I'm blessed with the sight of his bare torso, I'm stunned again by how perfect his proportions are and how his softly toned muscles suit him so well.

My bra was unclasped, and I let it fall between our feet before running my hand down his abs to unbutton his pants. He pulled back and looked down with a small glimmer of amusement. Last time I couldn't get it, but he didn't know that I practiced the day after that just in case the situation arose again before my wrist healed.

I searched his face with a blush as I unzipped his jeans and tugged them lightly so they'd fall lower on his hips. He captured my lips with his as he slid them off, then pulled me down onto his lap when he sat on the edge of the bed.

The feeling of him pressing against me brought the same arousal as last time, and I let my hips naturally grind against his steadily hardening member. He reached behind him and moved the blanket before wrapping an arm around my waist, maneuvering us onto the bed, and climbing on top of me, pulling the covers over us both.

Warm hands explored my chest as our kiss deepened, and a slight sound got caught between our lips when he pressed against me, knowing now how to do it where it'd pull a reaction from me.

After a minute or two of making out with some heavy petting, he pulled his hips from mine and sat back on his knees to unbutton my jeans and pull them and my underwear off. We were both naked. It was going to happen, and soon.

I began trembling the moment he came back down to press hot kisses into the crook of my neck, but it wasn't because I was scared. It was a strange mixture of excitement and nervousness.

My eyes shot open when one of his hands ran down my body to reach between my legs in search of that sweet spot he'd found last time. When he found it, a soft moan rose from my chest as my body pressed against his. He tore his lips from mine and stared at me as he massaged me with more expertise than before, pulling short sounds of pleasure from me much more quickly.

After a few more moments, he stopped, "I need you to tell me if I do something that scares you."

I shook my head quickly, "I'm just nervous."

He surprised me by resting his forehead against mine and shutting his eyes as he took a deep breath, "Me too."

I reached up to wrap my hand in his hair and press a firm kiss against his mouth before giving him a reassuring look, "It's okay."

He nodded, giving me another kiss before his fingers began to move again, and he moved back down to taste the skin on my neck and shoulder. My heart raced when he slowly brought his lips even lower to my chest, where he took a nipple into his mouth and swirled his tongue around it.

Before I could react, his fingers traveled lower to slowly massage my entrance. He didn't say it like last time, but I could feel that I was incredibly wet. My breath hitched when he slid a finger inside. He lifted his head to look at my face, and I nodded with my brow furrowed, letting him know it was alright.

Agonizingly slowly, he moved his long digit in and out. If I could describe his entire approach, it'd be cautious. He was terrified he was going to do something incorrectly. It was obvious.

Vocally reassuring him too much would likely have the opposite effect, so I let him take his time and simply instructed him every so often, "Touch…here, with your thumb while you do that. I think-Ah! Y-Yeah, that feels..." I reached down to adjust his hand's position, and once he realized what I wanted, he immediately did it, and a wave of pleasure interrupted my instruction.

He looked up at my face as my back arched, and the breath was stolen from my body. His fingers continued for a minute or so before he suddenly disappeared beneath the covers.

"What are you-Oh!"

In one swift movement, he removed his fingers from my most sensitive area, held my legs further apart, and brought his mouth between my legs. I thought he was skilled with those beautiful hands, but the natural talent he suddenly started to show quickly outshined them.

In no time, he had my hand wrapped tightly in his hair and a nearly endless stream of moans trying to slide from my lips as my body twitched and got even warmer. A minute or two passed, and I felt my resolve quickly crumble.

"G-Gaara, I'm about to…!"

A breathy, sexual-sounding moan cut my words off as an orgasm, even better than the one he gave me in Konoha, suddenly tore through my body like lightning. My legs trembled over his shoulders, and his hands gripped my thighs tightly. Once it passed, I was breathing hard, and my skin had a sheen of sweat covering it.

He continued momentarily before finally coming up to meet my eye, "It felt good?"

Face burning with blush, I panted, "You couldn't tell?"

The man's complexion matched mine, and he nodded, "I want you to say it."

I ran my hand down the front of his body to gently massage his sex, "You're good at that. It felt amazing."

His jaw flexed, and I felt him somehow harden further in my hand. Verbal affirmations were clearly something he liked.

Long fingers went back to caressing my bare skin, and he pressed his lips into my neck, whispering between the kisses, "I didn't expect you to taste so good." In true Gaara fashion, he intended to share his intrigue rather than flirt and tease me, but he did both with that candid statement.

My face had to be cherry red, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to respond.

A few minutes passed before he forced me to pull my arm out from in between us and pressed gently against me. My eyes shot open, and his lips left mine so he could study my reactions. I was ready, I realized. I knew I was mentally prepared for this when I invited him to have sex, but my body also felt ready.

"Condom…" He spoke quietly, likely to himself, as he reached down to his abandoned jeans at the side of the bed and pulled one out. My eyes danced over his abdomen as he did because the muscles there flexed charmingly with the movement. Then he sat back on his hips and put it on.

I couldn't help but watch, curious and interested, "Where'd you find one?"

A somewhat guilty glint met his eye, like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar, "I grabbed some from that store when we were on our way to Konoha…."

My mouth fell open slightly in shock. He's had them all this time? If I didn't know him as well as I do, I'd be put off and think it was his plan all along to try his luck sleeping with me, but I know that's not the case. He just wanted to be prepared on the off chance things go well. It was pretty brave, honestly, because if either of his siblings had found them, he'd never be able to shut them up about it.

When he came back down on top of me, he returned to what he was doing before, carefully pressing against my entrance for a few moments before backing off slightly, likely trying to make sure I wouldn't panic.

Teal eyes searched mine with complete focus, "If you're too scared…."

I shook my head, "I know it's gonna hurt, but I want to do it."

My legs rose a bit higher around his body to match the adjustments he made when he moved to correctly line himself up, and then he came back on top of me and started to press against my entrance more decisively.

At first, I wasn't sure if it would accept him at all because of how long it was taking, but then it was like a dam was broken, and suddenly he was at least an inch or two inside. I gasped at the raw ache that arose instantly, and he paused with a furrowed brow.

Reassuring him, I blinked back tears, "I-It's okay! Keep going."

Gaara kissed my lips before pulling back once more and carefully beginning to ease his way further inside.

It hurt. Oh god, it hurt.

Once fully sheathed, tears ran down the sides of my face into my hair. The redhead stayed still, kissed me, and let my body adjust to the sudden intrusion.

His voice was rough, like he was struggling to keep his cool, "It's...tight." I just took a deep breath and let the shy expression on his face help calm my nerves before giving him the go-ahead.

Gaara began moving slowly, eyes trained on my face for any sign of trouble. To my relief, the pain didn't get any worse when he moved. He paused every couple of seconds to make sure I was alright.

The ache eventually faded, and all that was left was the sensation the friction inside me caused, not to mention how he'd press right into that sweet spot each time he fully thrusted inside.

It began to feel good, very slowly.

Those articles that I read online were correct. As I watched Gaara and he watched me, I felt like we were closer than ever before. It was mutual trust and wordless communication, and t was vulnerability and an eagerness to please.

His hips pressed into mine again, and my body suddenly responded very well. I felt my insides flex around him naturally, and he sucked in a breath between his teeth, eyes narrowing as he tried to focus.

As slowly as it began to feel good, it started to morph into something phenomenal. Our anxiety faded steadily as my body's tension released, and I began struggling to remain silent.

Teal eyes burned into mine as our bodies pressed into one another. I occasionally breathed out small words of encouragement because I knew he liked it, and it offered me an odd type of reassurance, too. A couple minutes passed with us adjusting to the new sensations, making changes here and there until things seemed to align perfectly.

Gaara's breath suddenly hitched, and he came to a complete stop inside me. My grip on his shoulder tightened, and I spoke breathlessly, "Are you alright? D-Did you…?"

He shook his head with closed eyes and deep, slow breaths, "I'm trying not to."

A hum of understanding left me, and he kissed me heatedly as we allowed his body to simmer down. To my knowledge, it takes practice for guys to last longer in bed, so I'm in no way judging him. Everything he's done up until now seems too good to be true. I wonder if he's a natural at this type of stuff or if I'm hyper-sensitive. Either way, I'm having a fantastic time.

With a red face, I spoke up moments later when he pulled his lips away, "Can I try?"

The redhead was stunned silent but nodded and didn't resist when I rolled us over so I was on top, straddling his hips. The blanket fell around my hips, but I didn't mind because we were sweating anyway.

Cautiously, I pressed my hands against his chest and experimented with moving my hips, massing my weight down against my knees and testing different paces until a shock of pleasure shot up my spine. It straightened out as a moan forced itself from my lips.

Gaara's hands gripped my waist. Before, they'd wandered curiously about my chest and thighs, venturing to occasionally brush my hair out of my face as his attentive eyes took in every detail. His voice was breathy, making the arousal in my stomach churn, "Again."

Such a dark and focused expression proved very inspiring, and I tried to find the exact combination that caused the spectacular feeling, sitting up straight rather than leaning forward.

When I found it moments later, we simultaneously made a sound of pleasure. I adjusted my positioning slightly more before repeating it over and over, slowly at first but gradually increasing in speed to see what my body was capable of both handling and performing.

Multiple moments passed with the air filled with either of us trying to be as quiet as possible when Gaara's muscles flexed beneath my fingers, and his eyes closed as he spoke quietly under his breath, "Fuck…." His nails dug into my skin slightly as he gripped my waist and moved his hips up to meet mine when I came down, making the impact more intense.

I was too far gone to notice his nails, but boy, did I notice when he moved beneath me.

Rather than manually moving in that specific way because it felt good when the pleasure became even more intense, my hips moved on their own, and I leaned back, my hand against his thigh to keep me upright as I moved atop him.

My hair stuck to my face and neck as I met his eye, and the burning look returned threw me right over the edge. I gasped as my legs tightened against his hips. I could feel my insides convulsing, squeezing him for dear life. My head fell back, and my lips parted as I tried not to make another sound.

Gaara didn't give me a single moment to rest. As soon as I could move again, he rolled us back over and paused to verify I was okay with it before guiding me onto my hands and knees, entering at the new angle.

My back arched naturally, and one of his hands came down to grip the curve of my waist, forcing it to lower even further. Slight sounds of pleasure left me with every thrust of his hips, each gasp of breath I took.

"Legs together." He barked the words in a voice that told me I'd best obey and was lucky he could speak at all.

I pressed my legs together instantly, him moving his knees outside of them. It was likely he hadn't meant to sound so dominating, but it surprised me when it sent something dangerous and sensual through me. I tried and failed to tell him, "I-I like it-!" A low sound came deep from his chest, cutting me off as he leaned over me with a hand against the mattress on either side of my body to press his lips against the back of my shoulder as he continued.

Acting on instinct, I turned my upper body enough to kiss him, and he forced my lower body to follow, pressing it roughly down. One leg was straight against the mattress, and the other was bent so he could continue deeply thrusting in and out.

Not ten seconds later did his grip on my hip tighten, and he pushed himself entirely inside before staying there and tearing his lips from mine so he could press his forehead against my shoulder. I felt him pulse inside and knew he'd finally let himself climax.

After a moment, we both collapsed to the mattress, and he pulled out to roll off of me and onto his back. I followed suit, his arm under my head as my eyes dazed, half-lidded, at the ceiling.

My voice was still incredibly raspy and unsteady, but I said, "That. Was. Incredible."

A low sound rumbled through his chest to signify he agreed. After a minute or two, he got up to get rid of the used condom before coming back and falling heavily back to where he was before. A wave of his concern came over me, and I knew what was on his mind.

"There was blood, right?"

Without a verbal response, I understood I'd guessed correctly.

I turned to cuddle into his side, "It's completely normal for that to happen during the first time. Don't worry."

To my surprise, he rolled on top once more to softly kiss me more sweetly than before. My heart fluttered.

"Once more."

My eyes shot open in shock, meeting Gaara's and realizing the hungry look had returned. I nodded, giggling when his hands danced about my sides, and he dipped down to press kisses between my breasts.

In a matter of weeks, Gaara's shown tremendous growth. It was like he could finally be himself rather than hiding away in fear of being hurt. I suppose that I, too, have changed a bit. My temper has definitely gotten a bit shorter, and my shyness wasn't quite as prominent. As I stared warmly into his eyes when he came back up, I realized something.

This whole time, I thought it was me helping him come out of his shell, but we were actually helping each other.