SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

I'm so broken right now.

Untold tales were absorbed into my pillow.

Why do these ideas keep popping into my head?

Giving me a sense of

Better if I hadn't existed at all.

How is everyone so cheerful,

Or are you too skilled at acting the part?

I work nonstop to change who I am.

Am I at blame in this situation?

Or is it something I'm not yet able to see?

Throughout my life

Many people claim that I have a mental health issue.

The dilemma of whether to believe them threatens to undo what I have accomplished.

It's growing difficult for me to believe that anything will change.

My hope begins to fade as

I have the impression that there is nowhere for me to land as I descend.

Is it possible to alter anything about me?

Both physically and mentally,

Can I live up to what people expect of me?

Is it me who needs to apologize, or was someone from my past responsible for the person I am today?

Will I ever be found dead by someone I care about?

Would they genuinely miss me, or would they be relieved that a weight off their shoulders has finally been lifted?

Do I despise myself the most or is it someone else that caused me to commit suicide?

Why are there so many questions?

Why do I feel so used?

Where did the happy little child go?

She was either slain by everyone else or I kept her from myself.

I used to be joyful, but right now I feel like I'm drowning in the night with nowhere to go.