Princy_Prince2

I have yet to start preparing for my demise. BUT I'VE DUG GROUNDS IN MY MIND FOR THESE GRAVES. In an effort to prevent anyone from seeing me the way I see myself; I try not to scream while holding my mouth shut while I sob myself to sleep.

I WORK HARD TO GET AWAY FROM THESE BRUTILIZING THOUGHTS, BUT THE MORE I WORK AT IT, THE HARDER IT BECOMES. I wish there was a way for me to get out of this never-ending living hell. A MAZE THAT TWISTS MY GUT, HOWEVER, HAS NO ESCAPE.

I WORK DAILY TO BE OKAY AND TO GET BETTER THAN I WAS THE DAY BEFORE. However, at the end of the day, suicide is all I can think about. 

SUICIDE AND HAPPINESS... 

They just seemed to fit in perfect harmony for some strange reason.

SUICIDAL HAPPINESS

I'm unsure of whether I'll ever want to live again. I can't take any more of this suffering. Where no one can see, I am shattered and bleeding. The realization that I will never matter to anyone or be in good health hurts a lot.


I think I've reached the point where I'm my own worst enemy. Who would desire a pointless existence? I would like for my heart to cease. I don't want to live my life any longer because I am so exhausted. I always felt inadequate despite my best efforts. Moreover, nobody will ever consider me to be good enough.


I have had the impression that my needs have changed. I'll never be able to live up to your expectations of what I ought to be. I feel left out. I've been hurt and I don't want to go on. That's plenty for me. I've experienced both the sweetness and the bitterness of this planet. I'm through.


People speak to me as if they are familiar with my situation. However, they are completely unaware of what is happening in my head.


You don't necessarily understand what I'm going through just because you studied psychology, psychiatry, or even medicine, or because you've gained recognition as a highly skilled doctor. How much anguish I'm in won't be apparent to you. Even if you say, "I know how it feels," "I know what you're going through is difficult," or "I know how hard it is going through something like this," you have no idea what I am going through, not even in the remotest degree.


I simply desire to fall asleep deeply and stay there for a while. No one would miss me, I'm sure of it. In other words, everyone already has a life and a future. This society is not a place for me. The only thing I will ever be is a defect.


I've been severely injured, and recovery will be difficult this time. I'm lost. I cannot see.


When I see myself in the mirror, I genuinely find myself repulsed. I became aware that I am a nobody. As I look at my mirror, it stings. I occasionally ponder who the girl in the mirror is. I feel bad for her. full of bruises and scars. She experienced despair and her eyes lost that sparkle. resigned to the shadows. Just a lonesome person. into the void caged. She never wants to return to the light since the darkness gives her comfort. Just shattered into a million bits. She will never be complete again. She is torn and without hope. Her eyes are red from crying so much. even considering leaving this world behind.


But then I understand that I am the person in the mirror. How pathetic am I? How long should I hold out?


I'm hated by everyone, and I loathe myself. What else is there to say?


clinging to the night as if it were my only companion. losing faith in my identity. into the abyss, fading.


EMOTIONAL PAIN