ALL ALONE IN THIS TRAUMA

I'm feeling awful,

As if I'm about to puke.

Having those recurrences of recollective memories,

I wish I could forget.

I feel like I'm dying within,

I'm sinking into a void from which I can't escape.

With this inward pain, my heart is melting.

I'm running out of oxygen and need to breathe again.

Isn't it hilarious to watch me in this state?

So, I'm delighted you're pleased that I'm suffering within.

What is the point of telling you anything about myself?

When you're used to portraying the innocent victim in every situation?

I can't do it any longer,

I'm breaking down inside,

The barriers I erected to keep these demons out,

Are disintegrating into dust.

I'm suicidal,

but all I'm concerned about right now is simply going out into the abyss,

with no intention of returning,

nor allowing anyone to save me this time.

But what do I get in return?

I get battered and spit on by people who think I'm filthy because I'm being myself.

My anxiousness is torturing me.

And I can't keep my voice quiet any longer as I cry.

The lonely room I'm in,

where a child mocks me as if I'm the black sheep of everything in this world.

Everyone thinks they know too much about me.

They, however, do not.

I merely make it appear as if they know me too well,

but in truth,

they have no idea who or what I am.

In public, I always maintain my head held high and a huge bright smile on my face.

So, don't be concerned about me.

you can't worry about me forever,

I'm already dead inside.

Regardless of how you feel about it,

The truth is,

I was compelled to become the person I am now.

And it's all because of you.

Now I'm alone in this trauma that is constantly on repeat,

You left me with misery and agony that would never cease to end.