Princy_Prince2

I have yet to start preparing for my demise. BUT I'VE DUG GROUNDS IN MY MIND FOR THESE GRAVES. In an effort to prevent anyone from seeing me the way I see myself; I try not to scream while holding my mouth shut while I sob myself to sleep.

I WORK HARD TO GET AWAY FROM THESE BRUTILIZING THOUGHTS, BUT THE MORE I WORK AT IT, THE HARDER IT BECOMES. I wish there was a way for me to get out of this never-ending living hell. A MAZE THAT TWISTS MY GUT, HOWEVER, HAS NO ESCAPE.

I WORK DAILY TO BE OKAY AND TO GET BETTER THAN I WAS THE DAY BEFORE. However, at the end of the day, suicide is all I can think about. 

SUICIDE AND HAPPINESS... 

They just seemed to fit in perfect harmony for some strange reason.

SUICIDAL HAPPINESS

You wouldn't want to know how I feel...:

The anguish within me is too great to put into words.

But are you genuinely interested in finding out how I'm doing, or is this merely a friendly inquiry because you're unsure of how to respond to my suicidal thoughts?

You already know, though, how I would respond in the end, grinning and saying, "I am fine." Are you happy with only knowing those three words, though?

Does it not concern you that I want to speak more or is it that you don't care enough to understand how I feel so you can go on with your life, but have to leave me here so I can feel like a shitty person for being so fucking eager for someone to hear me out of this agony of mine?

Every day is a battle I hope I can end myself with, struggling to find a way to survive through the storm is something I would have never thought of as a child.

Despite my desire for a life of bliss and no worries, there is no guarantee that I will feel any better tomorrow. But suddenly it hit me like lightning in the middle of the storm - I don't want to think about tomorrow; I don't want to continue even though today was the toughest and tomorrow will be the worst.

I simply want to disappear; perhaps if I give in to the devils inside my head, I will be set free. I would finally be able to fall asleep if the chains bound me to my tomb. Maybe I could just let go of the rope's end and I'd be free. Anything below this cliff is preferable to what is inside of my skull.

In a couple of weeks, nobody will recall me. No one would be aware of my permanent departure. My emotions were stripped, and my heart was severed while I was still alive, and no one gave a damn. Being born on this planet was a curse, the biggest mistake I ever made, till a beat was no longer audible.

My mind is going around in circles with my thoughts. I attempted to murder myself, but I survived. Perhaps if I let go this time without trying to hold on. Without me in it, this world would be a better place. And at last, I might be changed into a coffin.

Everyone would be okay. Better than when I was alive. One less person in the family pictures, One less person in my friend's circle.

Finally, I was able to say my final farewell.

My rightful place was always the grave since darkness was always my best friend.

THE PAIN I HELD FOR YEARS