Getting Better (extra)

"Your condition is getting better, you didn't empty your medicine box this month."

Hearing the woman who was smiling broadly at him while adjusting her glasses, Ezra narrowed his eyes then scratched his forehead, he almost forgot about this woman, Diana, his therapist.

Ezra kind of forgot what happened during this session, maybe she advised him not to take too much headache medicine and antidepressants, hearing the long lecture from this woman, — however currently, Diana said something strange that Ezra had never heard before.

--His condition is getting better.

Even though he came here again because last night he had a nightmare that triggered a panic attack, thought he admitted that in the past few weeks he had not taken medicine as often, and his headaches have also lessened. Although sometimes the noise in his head was still there.

The woman again looked at him up and down, at Ezra who had a face of astonishment and disbelief, Diana chuckled.

"You look more expressive than before, whatever you are doing now, keep it up. You look fresher."

"What does that mean?"

Again strange words came out of Diana's mouth, these few days he had not done anything that could be considered 'fresh'.

Doing normal human things like interacting more with his friends Martin, Alex and Edward, as well as Raphael. Indeed, he did something he did not do often in his previous life.

Ezra in this timeline tolerated the existence of his friends. He interacted with them more and came over when they invited him to eat together, he also went to the cinema with them though he could not really remember what movie he was watching. Ezra did not think it would make much difference.

"Eyes are windows of the soul, usually your gaze looks empty, as if you are always in a state of dissociation. Now I see bright color in your eyes. Even if it's a bit, as your therapist it's a milestone that should be celebrated."

Is that so? So my eyes look more alive. Is that possible?

"I, I did something I'm usually reluctant to do, I went with my friends, to the library, came over when they invited me to eat together, we went to watch a movie, and I listened to them talking, occasionally I also joined in the conversation. It was kind of ... It's difficult but I still don't feel anything. If you say my condition is getting better ... Is that really good for someone like me?"

Someone who should have died many years ago in a shipwreck, survived to this day, on top of that a miracle happened, Ezra who died by suicide came back to life, traveling back to two years ago timeline.

Guilt began to creep up, he subconsciously touched his chest, feeling his heartbeat. 'Why am I alive?' — he muttered inwardly.

Noticing that Ezra's face was getting paler, Diana called his name, "Ezra, it's okay, it's okay to get better."

"Really? but that voice keeps screaming at me."

"It's not your fault, it's never your fault."

He had heard those words so many times, they sounded reasonable but at the same time he could not fathom them. The voices shouting at him sometimes became so loud that he could not sleep. Frequent nightmares, people with blurry faces, and deafening loud screams.

"I believe there are many people who are happy to see you live, also your parents obviously want their son to live his life to the fullest. So do not listen to negative thoughts."

They were words he had often heard from Diana's mouth over and over again, but they always passed through his ears like a small wind, he couldn't really understand, but right now, it somehow meant a lot to him.

What makes it different?

He could not listen to her words in the past, her words were like empty words, something useless, but now— why did he wish for it to be true?

--There are people who are happy to see you live.

--Mom and dad want you to live happily.

He felt his face getting warmer, his eyes too, water seemed to start welling up in his eyes. Ezra blinked, he was relieved that no tears fell.

Rubbing his cheek with the back of his hand, he saw Diana smile a little.

It was a smile that looked like she was in a pleasant mood, out of all the sessions he had with the woman, this was the first time Ezra saw Diana smile like that and it embarrassed him a bit so he looked at her with a frown.

"Okay, I will try."

--It's okay to get better, it's okay to live. There will be someone who will be happy if I live.

His cheeks were getting warmer, Raphael who smiled sweetly at him suddenly appeared in his mind. —'It's okay, I'm here.'— he had said that to Raphael in the past, right after that terrible incident.

How could he forget all that?

His chest pounded faster, harder. Diana probably looked at him with strange curious eyes right now, but she did not say a word, she did not open her mouth, she left Ezra dwell with his own thoughts as she wrote something on the paper.

He could still hear the screams, but somehow the warm feeling in his chest overpowered all of his senses. For the first time Ezra could ignore the screams, without causing a headache.