12

He couldn't sleep.

He twisted his body to the left and right, looking for a comfortable position but still he wasn't able to relax his mind.

His heart was still beating fast for hours, 'is this really healthy?' he covered his face with the blanket, but then it made him so conscious of the warmth that he pushed aside the blanket, staring blankly at the white ceiling. Strange. He had never felt like this in his previous life, more like he didn't remember much about himself, about his consciousness, he had always lived like on autopilot, waiting for the day he would finally end his life, but today— he felt like he still wanted to live.

Ezra wanted to live.

That realization made the voice inside his head scream even louder.

If I live, then what next?

It was ringing again, his ears were ringing, Ezra suddenly sat up, the sound in his ears grew louder for some reason.

'You shouldn't be happy that you're alive.'

'Almost everyone died on that ship, and you're here smiling, you couldn't even save your mom and dad.'

"Stop..." Ezra covered his ears even though he knew that the sound could not be heard by the ears, it was a sound that was only swirling inside his head. The screams grew louder, Ezra's whole body trembled, "I dont wanna hear this, stop please."

Getting up from the bed, he banged his head hard against the wall, anything to stop the voices, anything— frantically searching for the medicine inside the drawer, ate a few pills then chewed about five of them, ignoring the bitter taste spreading in his tongue. Ezra curled up on his bed.

Yes, things will never change.

How could I think that I could get better? That's ridiculous Ezra, you're going to be miserable like this for the rest of your life.

Closing his eyes, but then the smell of seawater hit his tongue and at that moment his stomach turned queasy, Ezra quickly stood up, ran to the bathroom and threw up on the floor, vomiting all the contents of his stomach, his body shook violently. Tears were flowing from his eyes, even though he was sure he was not crying, they were tears that came from him not being able to hold back the vomiting that kept coming out.

After feeling a little bit better, Ezra tried to slowly stand up, he walked unsteadily back to the bed. This is annoying, he laughed faintly at himself.

Wiping his face with a handkerchief, he lay down on the side of the bed near the window, glancing at the clock, it was still 10 pm.

Opening the window so he could feel the wind against his skin— cold. He was a bit nervous that the smell of the sea would trigger him to vomit again but somehow it did not affect him, even though a slight ocean smell was blown in by the wind, maybe because the scent was different, the scent that had triggered him, was just something that he could feel only in his head.

He looked up into the dark night sky, gazing at the stars twinkling. The sight here was really beautiful.

Scratching his head while smoothing his untidy hair, the wind that was blowing at him made his action pointless. His hair became messy again. "I haven't vomited like that in a long time." Ezra chuckled, "The wind is really cold."

He snorted, but then, from afar, a figure like a person walking by the sea caught his attention, it was a familiar figure, although he could not see the human properly, his eyes clearly recognized his stature.

"Why?" Ezra, narrowed his eyes. Trying to see better, "Why?" he muttered again.

"Why are you outside, Raphael?" As if on instinct, he immediately dashed out of his room.

Running down the stairs and then through the hall, several workers at the resort looked at him with confused eyes. Ezra's face suddenly turned pale, his chest was tight but he forced himself to keep running.

"Ezra where did you go in such a hurry?!"

He heard someone scream at him but he didn't stop, it sounded like Edward's voice.

As soon as he was outside, he looked around, Raphael's figure was some distance away from the resort, crouching down like he was playing with something on the sand. Ezra ran towards him with his heart almost stopping.

"Raphael!"

He screamed with all his might, he didn't know exactly where Raphael had been shot, all he knew was that it happened at night. He ran faster, shouting his name. 'Why is the distance from the resort to the beach so far? damnit' he cursed.

"Raphael!" calling his name again, this time he got closer to his position. Raphael, after hearing Ezra's voice repeatedly calling his name, finally turned to look at him with questioning eyes. But then, before he could get any closer to reach Raphael's body—

'BANG', a loud gunshot sounded in the air.

No, no, no— I'm late! I should have been around him longer, no, why the fuck is this idiot outside?

"Raphael!" He screamed so loudly to the point that his throat was about to burst.

Raphael touched the right shoulder that was shot. When his eyes caught Ezra's figure moving closer, he instead stood up and ran towards Ezra as if he didn't expect to see him outside, his face looked very worried. No. Why did he look like he was worried about him? his shoulder was bleeding and instead, he was making such a face for Ezra?

The gunshots were no longer heard, perhaps because suddenly many people were gathering outside, and the alarm signal echoed wildly in the air. Raphael threw his body towards Ezra then hugged him tightly,

"Why are you here? This is dangerous."

Hearing the words that had just left Raphael's mouth, the rage boiling inside his chest exploded, he pushed Raphael's body away, looking him straight in the eyes, "What the hell is wrong with you?! I told you not to go, and you still go! What's in your head? is it empty? Can you hear what I'm saying? Are you out of your mind?!"

The fact that it was actually Ezra who almost lost his mind.

Raphael stared at him blankly, he opened his mouth for a moment, then closed it again, as if he wanted to say something but he chose not to. Grimacing, Ezra suddenly noticed the blood that kept flowing from his right shoulder, "Hospital... we have to go, quickly...!"

The sound of footsteps getting closer to their position made Ezra turn his head as quickly as possible to them, Martin, Edward and Alex along with the bodyguards, put on a wary face. "Hospital, we have to go to the hospital," Ezra said urgently.

Raphael stood up, bringing Ezra's attention back to him "It's okay Ezra. I'm fine."

"Shut up! You're bleeding."

Surprisingly indeed, Raphael looked fine he only frowned slightly, with sweat gathering on his temples, "I wasn't shot, the bullet just grazed my skin."

"Then let me see," Ezra insisted, unable to take his eyes off the red color that was drenching his shirt.

"Raphael, are you okay?" Alex and Martin got closer to check on him, Raphael seeing the worried reactions of his friends— although Raphael himself still looked surprisingly calm, finally took off his shirt. A lot of blood was flowing from the injured area, Ezra looked closely at the surface of his skin, there were no bullets embedded in it. With a sigh of relief, he fell weakly to the ground.

His feet felt like they were going to melt, seeing Ezra sitting on the sand, Raphael bent down, touching his head. "It's okay Ezra, it doesn't hurt, well maybe a little."

"You're crazy!" He muttered weakly but still in a harsh tone. Hearing that, Raphael let out a faint chuckle, the hand that was on his head crawling down to touch his cheek. At that action, Ezra moved his head up. Raphael was smiling. Why is this person smiling?

"We should check the wound as soon as possible, it could get infected later." Edward suggested, his face was kind of pale, his eyes were looking somewhere as if avoiding to look directly at Raphael's bleeding shoulder.

Raphael nodded, he stretched out his hand to help Ezra up but an eerie voice from a woman drew everyone's attention to the woman who was approaching Raphael's position.

"I didn't know there were intruders in my property."

Martin's face lit up just before Alex nudged him sharply with an elbow. The woman was almost similar to Alex, Ezra could easily guess that the woman with a few wrinkles on her face that indicated she was old, but still didn't fade her beauty, was Alex's mother.

"Take Raphael inside, I'll call a doctor. Also call a special unit to search for perpetrators who have disturbed my property."

Some of the other bodyguards watched over them until they entered the resort safely. Once inside, Ezra felt somewhat relieved, he glanced at Raphael who was still smiling faintly at him with shining eyes, that made Ezra angry somehow. He wanted to get angry, yell at him or maybe punch his smug face for making him worry. He almost got shot, luckily the bullet didn't hit his vital area, he could have died. But this man's facial expression was not at all afraid, instead he looked too calm.

—

After covering his injured shoulder with bandages, the doctor advised Raphael not to move much so that the wound wouldn't reopen.

"Raphael you just rest, I already called your mother." Martin said, hearing that Raphael clicked his tongue "Why did you call her? Damn it."

"That's because the special unit my mother called couldn't find the person, so with the help of your family it might be easier for us to find out who did this to you."

"It doesn't matter maybe it's the rivals from my family, it happened a lot since I was little."

"Okay if you say so, I'll be out now, have a good rest, but still we have to catch those who disturbed my mom's property." Alex added, Raphael scratched his head, he turned around and pulled the blanket to cover his body.

"Damn noisy. Do whatever you want, my mom will definitely nag me after this."

Edward, whose face was looking pale, also said, "Yeah, I'm going to sleep too after this. My head is spinning from seeing Raphael's blood just now .... ugh"

"You coward, at this big age you are still afraid of seeing blood?"

It was Martin who taunted him, Edward glared at him then replied, "At this big age and you still don't have a girlfriend?"

Before they fought again, Alex, with a tired face, dragged the two of them out of Raphael's room.

Clack. The atmosphere was silent, everyone left. The door was tightly shut. Only Ezra stood alone by Raphael's bed. Realizing that Ezra was still here, Raphael looked at him. He held out a hand, Ezra stared at it in confusion. Raphael wiggled his fingers, then said quietly.

"Hold my hand."

Ezra hesitated but slowly took Raphael's hand, he flinched as he felt the rough hand touching his skin. Raphael, though slightly surprised that Ezra complied, squeezed the hand gently, it felt warm.

"Sit here next to me." He moved to make room in his bed so Ezra could sit there. Ezra sat down with Raphael still holding his hand.

The silence filled again. Only the ticking of the clock could be heard in the room, Ezra stared at their clasped hands. It was really warm, he could feel the body temperature from the hand that was transferred to him.

"If I knew it would be like this, maybe getting shot wouldn't be so bad." Raphael chuckled as he squeezed Ezra's hand rather hard, Ezra flinched a bit but he didn't let go.

"That's stupid. You never listen to me."

"Yeah, sorry." Thumb brushing against the skin of his hand, Ezra stared intently at the moving thumb.

"I said don't go, but you went out anyway."

"Yeah, I'm sorry, it's all my fault."

"You should have listened to me."

"Yeah," Raphael replied in a hoarse whisper voice, he straightened up to sit, crawled closer to Ezra who was still looking down at their intertwined hands.

"You know full well that this kind of danger has always happened to me since childhood. People often try to kidnap me. Haha."

Raphael let out a soft laugh, Ezra then looked up, no longer looking at their hands but at Raphael's face, he scowled. "It's different, today ... they used guns."

"Yeah you're right, somehow it's their first time using a gun." Seeing Ezra's still sullen face, Raphael eventually sighed. "It's okay Ezra, I won't get hurt easily, you think the Winchens don't teach their children to defend themselves? I learned a lot of weapons and martial arts."

Ezra knew that, the Winchens kids had been taught from a young age how to defend themselves and how to use weapons, he often watched the children there practice shooting, but Ezra who heard Raphael's casual words, looked blankly at his injured shoulder.

"You look like you want to cry. Haha, Ezra you're so—"

He had forgotten how annoying this man was. Embarrassed, he released his hand from Raphael's grasp, Raphael groaned in disappointment but luckily he didn't chase his hand again.

"You rest," he said curtly, Ezra got out of bed, there was a frown on Raphael's forehead, his bright expression turned somber, as if implying clearly that he didn't want Ezra to leave his side.

"I'll see you again tomorrow." Ezra looked at Raphael who had an expression like a child sulking, his eyes begged Ezra to stay. "You're not a 10 years old, you can sleep alone!"

"Haha, you're right. It's late, you rest too Ezra, you look pale."

Ezra subconsciously touched his face, yes he might look a mess right now. He didn't dare to look at his face in the mirror, silently opened the door. Ezra, without looking back, said.

"Okay, sleep well."

Closing the door tightly, Ezra stood quietly in the hallway, trying to catch his breath. He touched his chest, thump-thump, still pounding. Tight. but for some reason seeing that Raphael was not badly injured, he again breathed a sigh of relief.

The incident still happened but it was different, Raphael was shot in the leg and it took a long time for his leg to heal but in this timeline, the bullet missed his body and only grazed his shoulder. Ezra thought it would be better if this didn't happen at all.

He did not know what to do, at that moment his head suddenly darkened like he was slowly on the verge of losing himself, he became so angry that it was hard to breathe. Walking sluggishly towards his room, he felt exhausted, he would probably sleep until noon.