Chapter 7

When I came to, I found myself in a hospital bed. The bright lights shine in my eyes and I groan softly as a pathetic contraction ripples through my body. I hear a rustling noise and jerk my head towards the source.

It's Aj. He rushes to me and grasps my hand. "Where are the midwives? I want this baby out." I say softly.

"You're only six centimeters dilated. You can't start pushing until you're at ten. I'm sorry, baby." He murmurs. He presses his forehead against mine. I feel a sense of security and warmth with Aj this close to me. He rubs his thumb back and forth against my knuckles.

I cry out in pain as my contractions hit. The doctors and nurses rush in. This sends a new wave of panic rushing through me. One of the nurses was holding a needle. "Rena, this is going to go in your arm. It's an IV drip." I recoil and snatch my arm up. "No! I don't need that!" I shout. It won't be helpful. All it's going to do is limit my movement and have a series of drugs running through my veins.

"It has Pitocin, antibiotics, and pain relieving medication." That causes me to recoil even more. "If it's pain relieving, why do women still get an epidural? Don't give me Pitocin, it's going to make my contractions worse!"

The doctors and nurses exchange glances. "Everyone get out!" I scream. Another wave of pain courses throughout my body and I whimper. Aj looks at with a confused and hurt expression. He turns to leave and follows the hospital staff out but I grab his arm. "Not you. I want you to stay." I say quietly.

I choke against a lump in my throat as tears spring from my eyes. "I'm so scared. I'm not prepared, I don't want this. I don't want the pain, I don't want these bright lights, I don't want the plethora of doctors and nurses in here. The amount of people who're going to be watching me give birth is stressing me out!" I look around and my eyes spot a gigantic mirror right in front of the bed.

My eyes narrow. "Why is there a mirror right there!? Get rid of it! I don't want to watch it!" I crawl on all fours to get to the center of the bed and curl in on myself.

I sigh, my breath is shaky and uneven. I gnaw on my lower lip. "Do you want me to call your mom here?" He asks. I stare at him. I shake my head vigorously. "The baby will be alternating houses so we can co-parent. My mom can wait." I snap. I immediately feel bad for talking to him like that. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and hide my face in the crook of his neck. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to talk to you like that." I mumble. "My mom doesn't need to be here. I don't want her here."

He wraps his arms around my waist and gently rubs circles against the small of my back. "It's okay, love."

"I'm going to go out there and ask them to check up on your dilation." He says. I grumble a series of curses. My body is experiencing an adrenaline rush and I can't stop trembling. I nod anyway and he leaves the room. I feel very alone.

Two people walk in. I remember the first one. She's the one who tried to put an IV drip in my arm. She draws closer with the needle in hand while the nurse coaxes me to lie on my back. "Get away from me! I already told you I'm not having the IV drip!" I yell at her. I do my best to keep my legs still as I yell at the nurse trying to give me the IV while the other nurse is checking my dilation.

"You're eight centimeters dilated, Rena. I give you an estimate of thirty minutes before it's time." She says. "Um, I don't want a lot of people in here. The amount of people that were in here earlier really stressed me out. Can you please do something about that? Even if you can't reduce the amount of doctors present, please have them stationed away from my peripheral vision." I squeeze my eyes shut and clench my hands into fists as another painful contraction occurs.

I begin to cry as the contractions increase in frequency and intensity. I curl up in the fetal position and hold my stomach.

When I was about nine centimeters dilated, I was given a short pep talk from a nurse. Two midwives station themselves between my open legs. Every so often, they'd lift the blanket to check the progress. When it came time to push, both the midwives held my legs.

"Alright, Rena! That time has come! You're going to feel an urge to push, do not ignore that urge." One of the midwives said. Aj stayed true to his word and held my hand the entire time. He whispered gentle words of encouragement as I struggled to push our baby out.

Everything was excruciatingly painful and difficult.

With strain, I push and push. My jaw clenches and slackens. My hands curl into fists around the sheets. I sneezed. I look away in mortification and curse under my breath.

The midwives exchange glances. One of them gasps. "Good job, Rena! You're crowning!" She exclaims. I know I should feel relieved because crowning means it's almost over. Instead, I let out the loudest scream of my entire existence. I've heard of the ring of fire, but this is ridiculous. I'm sure it sounds like I'm being murdered.

Aj forces a smile and squeezes my hand. He leans forward. "You're doing wonderful, baby girl." He whispers. He kisses the shell of my ear and I shiver.

Everything else goes by fast. Our baby seems to slide out easier. "Congratulations! It's a girl!" One of the midwives said as our baby's cries filled the room. They go take her to get cleaned up and have her measurements taken. I am hardly able to close my legs and my thighs quiver. A glob of fluid slides out from my abused vagina and I cringe. A nurse comes over to me.

"You're not done pushing yet. We gotta push out the placenta." I groan. I find that it's way easier and considerably less painful to push out the placenta. When it's finally expelled from my body, all my muscles relax and I drop my head against the pillow.

"Rena, do you want to eat your placenta?" The same nurse asks. What the fuck?

"No! Get rid of it, please!"

Aj squeezes my hand. He places both hands on my cheeks and presses his forehead on mine. "Thank you." He whispers. There's a smile on his face and tears in his eyes. "What are we going to name her?" He asks. I shake my head. "I haven't really thought about it." I admit. "How about sneeze?" He asked, almost mocking me. I glare at him. "Alright, alright, how about..."

"Sabrina!" I shout out. He cocks his head to the side. "Short for your nickname. Rena Sabrina!" I let out a gentle swoon and he smiled. "That's perfect. A beautiful name for a beautiful baby." He murmurs.

I had to wait two weeks to leave the hospital. The baby wasn't born prematurely, but the fetal ejection was a bit frightening. Little Sabrina had breathing difficulty because I waited a bit too late to get to the hospital and the fact she came out after being caught with amniotic fluid after the sac had broken added to the difficulties.

Not only that, but I almost refused to give birth. I was stressed and that didn't help anything.

But Aj was always there with me the whole time. With Aj's presence, it was comforting. If my parents were there, I'd demand that they leave. My mother always held the notion of me being a whore close to her heart. I have no opinion of my stepfather. He has shown no great interest in me, so I'm sure the absolute neutrality is mutual.

When we went to visit my parents and siblings, my mother insisted adamantly on holding Sabrina. She was so persistent about it, it almost frightened me. With great reluctance, I handed her my baby. I stick close to Aj's side. He takes my hand and I squeeze it. We both watch my mother carefully.

The front door swings open and my little sister calls to say she's home. Sabrina stirs from her sleep and cries out. Her screams are shrill and pierce through the air. I visibly cringe.

I was already in a state of irritation for even having to be at my parents house, so the fact that my sister added to the annoyance by causing little Sabrina a disturbance was enough for my face to heat up in anger.

I reach for Sabrina and my mother willingly returns her to me. I swaddle her and gently bounce her, patting her back. She takes bits of my hair in her fists as her cries slowly begin to cease.

Sophia, my little sister walks in. She dumps her bag on a nearby piece of furniture and points. "Who're you?" She said, her finger pointing to Aj. Aj looks at me and I subtly shake my head. He got the idea and chose to ignore her.

"Whose baby is that?" She asks. I let out a huff of air.

Aj places a hand on my shoulder. We're just silently communicating by this point. "Mine," I answered.

"Can I hold her?"

"Maybe later."

"Are you coming back home?"

"I don't live here anymore," I answer all her questions with my gaze set off into space with a monotone voice. I turn to Aj. "I think it's time we go home. Al is probably waiting for us." I say. We say goodbye to my parents and Sophia and head out to the car. I strap in Sabrina and then sit on the passenger side.

As soon as Aj buckles himself in his seat, I begin to cry. "I hate them!" I shout. I have no plans of visiting this house for the foreseeable future.

He simply strokes my hair and smiles softly. "Then we'll move far away from them and live our happy lives without them." I smile at the thought.