When it hurts

It's dark outside, and our car is in the middle of a freeway road speeding at a reasonable rate. I don't know what time it is, but by the looks of the sky, I'm guessing it's probably 11 pm. There's a stranger driving, and I can sense the attention he keeps giving me as he carefully looks at me every now and then. I have no idea why I'm so comfortable and haven't pulled something like jumping out the window yet. I know that he's trying to say something, but he's having a mental debate about whether he should or not, and the weird thing is, everything in me is in a craving need to hear what he has to say. I sit up straight, pretending that none of this affects me, and watch as we pass each pine tree. The snow must have started hours ago while I was asleep, because every tree I see is covered in a dusty white coat, leaving tiny green patches here and there. The glasses of our car are covered in a thin white layer, except the one in front with the wiper. There are no signs of birds or life in this part of the woods except us.

It feels like almost an hour of his mental debates when he finally speaks. "You're so beautiful, Lorna, and there's nothing in this world I'd want to trade you for." His face is blurred, but I know he has the most beautiful smile plastered on his face as he takes my hand, brings it to his lips, and places a chaste kiss on it. It's just a simple phrase, but it means the world to me; that's everything I need to hear for my heart to skip a beat. "I lo...," he doesn't get to finish his sentence when I hear glass shattering, and I'm swallowed by darkness.

My eyes flutter open in a painfully slow phase, each time only to fall close, and there's a sharp ringing sound in my ear. I'm using everything in me to get up, but I can't; I just can't. "Miss, miss, are you okay?" I hear an unfamiliar voice call before I get lifted out of the car. "Oh my God, she's badly injured, call 911." I hear the stranger who's carrying me inform his companion. "On it, bro," I hear the other's response. I know they're both standing next to me, but they sound like they're miles away.

My mind starts to wander back to the stranger in the car and the way he spoke to me. I want to ask these people where he is, but I can't move or bring myself to speak. I hear sirens, and that's when it hits me: we got into a car accident; we, we... our car crashed into something. Tears start streaming uncontrollably down my face, and my body starts shaking in a rapid phase. I don't know what I'm feeling; I know it's stupid to cry over a stranger, but I feel as though I know him, and losing him is losing a part of me. My heart feels as though it has shattered into a million pieces.

"Lorna, Lorna," I hear my dad's familiar voice call from afar. "Lorna," I instantly wake in an upright sitting position. My clothes are soaked in sweat, and I can still feel tears streaming uncontrollably down my face. My dad pulls me into his arms, and that's when I literally break down. "It's okay, baby, I'm here, I'm here," he whispers, still comforting me. I bury my face in his shoulder and sob aloud. "What's wrong, baby, tell me," he speaks in a desperate attempt to comfort me. I know me hurting is hurting him; I can clearly see it in his eyes. "I, I, I, I," I stutter between sobs. "I lost him." I finally managed to speak after almost three failed attempts. "It's, it's all my fault." "Shh, it's okay, baby. Take your time," she adds as he continues comforting me.

I continue to sob uncontrollably, my body shaking with each breath. My dad holds me tight, trying to calm me down, but I'm beyond consolation. The images from the dream are still fresh in my mind, and I can feel the pain and loss that I experienced.

As I cry, my dad tries to ask me questions, but I'm unable to answer. I'm too caught up in my emotions, and I don't know how to process what I'm feeling. All I know is that I've lost someone, and it's tearing me apart.

After what feels like an eternity, I start to calm down, my sobs subsiding into sniffles. My dad hands me a tissue, and I blow my nose, feeling a bit more composed.

"What's going on, sweetie?" my dad asks, looking at me with concern. "You were having a nightmare, weren't you?"

I nod, still feeling a bit shaken. "Yeah," I say, my voice barely above a whisper.

My dad nods, understanding. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asks.

I hesitate, unsure if I'm ready to share what happened in my dream. But something about my dad's gentle tone puts me at ease, and I decide to open up to him.

"It was a car accident," I say, my voice still shaking. "I was in a car with someone, and we crashed. I don't know who it was, but... but I felt like I knew them. And when they disappeared, it felt like a part of me was gone."

My dad listens attentively, his expression sympathetic. "That sounds like a really scary experience," he says. "But you're safe now, okay? You're here with me, and I'm not going anywhere."

I nod, feeling a sense of comfort wash over me. Knowing that my dad is here for me makes me feel a bit better, and I'm grateful for his support.

As we sit there in silence, I realize that my dream may have been more than just a nightmare. It may have been a reflection of my deep-seated fears and anxieties. And I know that I need to confront these fears head-on if I want to move forward.

With my dad's support, I feel like I can face whatever comes next. And I'm determined to uncover the truth behind my dream and the emotions that it stirred up.

As the days go by, I find myself becoming more and more withdrawn. The dream has left me feeling unsettled, and I'm struggling to shake off the feeling of loss and longing that lingers long after I wake up. My dad notices the change in me and tries to talk to me about it, but I'm not sure how to explain what I'm feeling.

One day, as I'm sitting in my room, staring blankly at the wall, there's a knock at the door. It's my stepmom, Jeneviv. She comes in and sits down beside me, putting a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, kiddo, how are you doing?" she asks, her voice soft and concerned.

I shrug, not knowing how to answer. "I'm okay, I guess," I say, trying to sound convincing.

Jeneviv looks at me skeptically. "You're not okay, Lowry," she says. "I've seen the way you've been acting lately, and I'm worried about you. What's going on?"

I take a deep breath, trying to find the words to explain what I'm feeling. "I had a dream," I say finally. "It was so real, and it felt like... like I lost someone. I don't know who it was, but it felt like a part of me was gone."

Jeneviv nods understandingly. "That sounds like a really scary experience," she says. "But you're safe now, okay? You're here with us, and we're not going anywhere."

I nod, feeling a lump form in my throat. "I know," I say, trying to hold back tears. "It's just... I feel like I'm losing myself, like I'm drifting away from reality."

Jeneviv pulls me into a hug. "You're not losing yourself, Lowry," she says. "You're just going through a tough time. We'll get through it together, okay?"

As she holds me, I feel a sense of comfort wash over me. Maybe, just maybe, I can face whatever comes next with the support of my family.