Chapter Five

Why do days you dread come faster than days you look forward to?

Ayah had a theory, and it was simple.

When you look forward to a day, you're conscious of everything. You're constantly thinking, 'why won't it come already?' You're watching the time. And everything just seems to slow down when you watch the time.

But when you dread the arrival of a day, you spend about half of your time thinking 'Oh, how I wish this day doesn't come'. You get anxious, you lose track of time.

That was exactly what happened to her.

Days flew by faster than Ayah could've ever wished for, and next she knew, they were preparing for the wedding dinner that was to happen the night before the D-Day. In a way, Ayah dreaded that day more than she did the actual wedding day. It was the day she was going to see her husband to-be for the first time.

She was restless, anxious and frustrated, and the presence of almost all of her family members was also not helping. Her mother and father's siblings were present alongside all of their children and grandchildren. Though their husbands were absent, it was a full house.

Her mother's younger sister Aunt Layla was present alongside her four children: Raheemah who was Ayah's age mate and her favorite cousin, Khadijah who was seventeen and Ayah's second favorite cousin, Fauziyah who loved being alone more than she loved her extended family, and the baby of their house Hamza who was four years old. Her mother's youngest sibling Uncle Ishaq was absent but his wife Aunt Firdaus was present alongside their two children: Maimuna who was a year older than Ayah and Muslimah who was her age mate.

Her father's elder sister, her Aunt Amina was absent but her five children: Farhan who was married and had three children all under the age of six, Falmata who was also married and had a son, Waliy, Aisha who was Barakah's age mate, Salman and his twin brother Salim were present. Her father's immediate younger sister Aunt Idaya had three children: Fadilah who was twenty years old and had a fiance, Abbas who was her age mate and was her classmate in high school, and Ilyas who was sixteen and still in high school.

Ayah's father had another younger sister who was absent but her only daughter, the fifteen years old Amirah was present.

Ayah had locked herself up in her room the moment she found out her family members were arriving. It was one thing to have to deal with them on a normal day and an entire other to deal with them when she was the center of attention. Many knocks had resounded on her door and she hadn't answered any of them. She knew that whatever made her open that door, no matter how brief or pressing it might be , she was done for. There was no going back.

However, she was going to have no choice but to open it sooner or later. She was famished. It was only after she started hearing their voices from all over the house that she realized she hadn't brought with her any food item. She had managed to survive until sun down, but Ayah wasn't sure she could hold herself any longer. Her stomach had begun to hurt beyond her control.

She wondered if she was developing ulcer as she seethed whilst climbing down from her bed. She hadn't been eating well ever since the issue of marriage had come up. And though it had started out as a way to threaten her parents, she had later found that majority of the time she hardly had appetite.

She took slow and steady breaths as breathing too deeply seemed to cause more harm than good. She was sweating. She slid her legs into her slippers and slowly stood up right after, blowing out puffs of air regularly to keep from wincing.

When she opened the door, all of the noise in the sitting room seemed to die down for a fraction of a second and all eyes were on her. Ayah paused for second, looking at the faces one after the other. Her Aunt Layla was the only adult there, the rest were the little children and grandchildren. Now, Ayah understood why there was so much noise finding it's way her room.

"Ayah!" Aunt Layla cried, spreading out her hands as she approached Ayah. "Where have you been? We've looked everywhere for you."

Before she could form a coherent word, she found herself being squeezed in her Aunt's extra tight hold. It was suffocating, but more than that, painful. She winced out loud which led Aunt Layla to release her immediately, holding her an arm's length away from herself.

"What is it?" She asked, running her eyes along her body. "Are you hurt somewhere?"

"No," Ayah breathed, wincing. "It's just my stomach, it hurts."

"Oh, sorry dear," Aunt Layla sighed, pulling Ayah in for a quick hug.

Aunt Layla was Ayah's favorite aunty, and her children were also her favorite cousins. Majority of her reason leaned to the fact that she wasn't as wicked as her other aunts, but more of it was because she treated her like her own daughter, perhaps more than her own mother ever did.

"Sister Ayah!"

Ayah felt someone hug her legs. When she looked down, she found it was Hamza, Aunt Layla's last child.

"Hey buddy," she smiled, touching his head. "How are you?"

Hamza's mother Aunt Layla was a regular visitor in Ayah's household, and each time she visited, she was always with Hamza and one of his siblings. Ayah and Hamza played with each other a lot, hence, he was her personal person and vice versa.

"I'm fine," he smiled, loosening his arms from around her and elevating his head to look her in the face. Ayah smiled at how much he had to crane his head to look at her, and bent down so she was almost his height.

"Do you want to tell me something?" She asked, placing her hand on his head. She caressed his head with a smile as she waited for him to continue.

Hamza hesitated. He looked between his mother and Ayah, his eyes resting on his mother for a bit longer than Ayah thought was natural.

Ayah turned to look at his mother, barely keeping from wincing as she did. Aunt Layla's face didn't portray anything, so she looked towards Hamza again.

"Did your Mummy say you shouldn't tell me?" She asked.

"No," he shook his head abruptly. "My Mummy lied to me."

"She did?" Ayah asked, feigning surprise so as to make him believe she was all into his story when in actuality, she wasn't.

"Yes," Hamza nodded. "She said I'm not going to see you again, that you're getting married."

Ayah felt like a dark cloud settled over her, and it took only willpower to stop her from crumbling towards the floor. All of her energy seemed to have drained out of her body.

"Oh," she replied, not having the energy to feign excitement.

She managed a small smile and patted his head once again. "Mummy isn't lying, alright? But you'll get to see me, don't worry. I'll make time for my little buddy."

Ayah watched Hamza saunter off towards the other children in delight, his voice suddenly becoming the most prominent as he bragged about his latest achievement.

She placed one of her hands on the floor to steady herself as she began to hyperventilate, closing her eyes as a tear dropped down. Her heart was thundering against her chest and it made her dizzy. It felt like she was hit by a running train, and even after hitting her, the train kept on pushing her along in full speed with no sign of stopping soon. Her head was spinning, her breathing was becoming more rapid and uncontrollable. She was out of breath, gasping for air, and for a second, Ayah thought she was going to die.

"Ayah, look at me!" Her aunt's voice in her ear was like a breath of fresh air. She forced her eyes open, gasping and looking around in confusion. What just happened? She wondered.

She was on the floor, her head elevated a little by her aunt's arms. She looked into her aunt's eyes and was shocked to see tears in her eyes.

"What happened?" She asked, her voice barely audible. "Why are you crying?"

Aunt Layla shook her head in a haste, caressing Ayah's hair backwards. "It's nothing."

After making sure she was sat in a chair in the dining room with a plate of food in front of her, Ayah watched aunt Layla drag her mother out of the room. She wasn't sure what for, but she had a hint on what it would be.

She could remember the fear on her aunt's face when she had hyperventilated in front of her. Ayah wasn't sure if she should be happy that her aunt was most likely going to talk her mother out of getting her married, or she should be worried about her mental health. She had had a panic attack. A panic attack! And that too, out of the blue.

A sharp pain shot through her stomach and she toppled over, barely keeping her face from falling into her food. She lazily grabbed her spoon and shoveled a spoon of food into her mouth. On first contact with a grain of rice, all her senses heightened. It was as though she was tasting food for the first time.

Just how long ago had it been since she ate food?