that lonely box

Prologue

Whenever she looks back, a chill always runs down her spine. A cold sensation that seems to pull her back to the side of reality she did not want to turn to. That lonely box at the very corner of her mind, alone and quiet. Left behind and covered in a thick layer of dust. She never wanted to open that box again; she made up her mind not to.

However, sometimes, she cannot help but glance at the box, wondering, thinking. Remembering. And when she does, the sudden rush of emotion overwhelms her, shaking the foundations she had thought was strong enough to take on anything, and what follows are the stream of regrets that never fails to sweep her away. That if she did more in that, did less in this, or not do anything at all, then it would’ve been all fine. It didnt have to be something big, maybe alter a small detail—any detail— out of its place could be enough to change the ending.

She thought and hoped and wished that what happened didn’t happen, so it would all be different. Better, she assumes. So she wouldn't have to think about it anymore, so there wouldn't be any box of it in her mind anymore. And after thinking so, she would hate herself because she was doing it all again when she promised herself she wouldn’t.

She did not want to remember it again. She's changed; she doesn't do those things anymore. She doesn't want to bother and cause trouble to everyone around her because she saw what happened, and learned from it. And there's been results: This time people actually like her!

She also went out of her way and settled to studying at a local university because she knows that person will go to a university in the city miles away. She doesn't want to bother him most of all, he had already suffered enough.

It was why she left in the first place, and it was one of the best decisions she ever made. It would rid them of her and at the same time, for her to completely change for the better. To overwrite the things she had done and change everyone’s opinion of her. She's changed, and that bratty she-bitch she used to be was no more. It could probably take years but she is willing to put in the effort. She wanted to come clean to them.

It was the salvation she desired for herself. So when they meet again years from now, she can face him properly and greet him confidently, warmly. Ask how they had been, and that she had spent all these years regretting and reflecting all the wrong she’d done to them. And that she was so sorry for everything she had done to her, to them, and for him most especially.

She is not seeking to be forgiven, of course, that would be presumptuous of her to ask. No, she just wanted to let them know she has done some reflecting, and would get out of their lives for good.

So, when she sees him at the front gates of her new university, with his usual circle of friends, she was speechless. Stunned.

This has got to be a lie, She started to doubt the reality around her.

Their eyes meet and he pauses, smiles at her meekly, warmly. Like a long-time friend, supposedly parted on good terms and met here by chance. She feels herself go pale, and wished the ground would swallow her right then and there.

Why.