(7) if i'm being honest

They were not even far enough when she hears Ren call out to her, "Airi, wait!"

There was a short moment where Airi felt nostagic at hearing him call her name, it has been a long time after all, but it didn't stop her from walking faster to get away from him. Zoey stumbles, her walking uneven as she drifts on and off sleep. It was getting harder and harder to carry and support her in her arms so Ren had no problem catching up with them, it was inevitable but she still cursed. She thought Neil would at least hold him off for a little while.

Ren politely asks to take Zoey from her, like a gentleman asking a lady to let him carry her bag. Airi hesitates, but after a while, quietly nods and reluctantly gives up her friend. Ren gives a small smile in reply, and she stares down, shamefully. As much as she hates to admit it, she cannot handle Zoey alone; she is taller compared to her, not to mention she has a slightly bigger and more feminine build than she is. She should have asked Neil or Luke for help instead. He takes Zoey and carries her on his back. Zoey mumbles and whines against him in her sleep but otherwise does not make a fuss.

Airi wanted to leave them alone, make some kind of excuse to go back to the bar, but she does not have the heart to leave Zoey alone, not after her rant earlier, no matter how reliable Ren is.

She brushes a hair on Zoey's face, "let's take her to my place. It's just by the station." she says. They currently live in the same apartment complex, but as she does not know where Zoey leave her keys and feels wrong to rummage through her bag for them, she decides to have her sleepover at her place instead. She would also need company when she wakes up, she thought.

Ren stares at her, caught off guard by how gentle Airi seemed, and nods silently.

The walk home was quiet, even though they both know they have so much to talk about. About her transfer and the whole three years that passed without them ever talking, about what happened now, and about what is going to happen to them from here on. It was one of the things she practiced at home, about the inevitable meeting, assuming she had already changed and moved on with her life. How to talk to Ren when the time comes and how to react and say the right words. Unfortunately it, along with the other things she practiced, completely backfired and blew up in her face. So much for practicing it for a week.

"So you decided to have your own place, huh." It was Ren who breaks the silence, "auntie mentioned you were having trouble whether you'd get your own place or not. You didn't want to leave your dad alone, she says."

"Whe, when did mom tell you that?!" Right then she immediately regrets talking. She looks away, feeling her face heat up in embarrassment.

"I met her at the supermarket once and we got to talking," he answers, not minding her stutter.

She nods in understanding and sighs, thinking it was typical of her mom to say things like that, "I see..." she says. "It's okay though, dad said he'll come visit, and I could go home whenever I want, it's just two stations away anyway," her voice was low and reserved but it was enough for Ren to hear.

Ren manages a laugh, "that's really sweet. You have always been a doting daughter towards uncle, even auntie says so."

Airi snorts, "mom's still saying unnecessary things to you, I see." pouting and he laughs again, this time a bit forced.

His laugh gradually fades to a pause as he looks up ahead meaningfully. "Hey, um..." he hesitates, "I've been meaning to ask... are you okay? About your mom and dad..."

Airi is puzzled, not that Ren being concerned is new to her. The fact that he could even show her even a bit of concern towards her is what caught her off guard, despite everything she has done to him, and to Nina. The thought sends her spiraling down into the pit of self-loathing again. He shouldn’t be this concerned about her, it was unfair when she herself hadn’t even done anything to deem herself worthy of this.

Although she guessed, in a way, it would worry him. He is still a family friend after all.

At the end of the first year, Airi's mom and dad separated, with Airi going with her dad and her brother going with her mom. There was not a thing she could do, because it was something they both decided for themselves. The divorce was not out of spite, or anger, it was something they both really needed. It was the typical example of a love that inevitably died out.

And as much as she does not want them to separate, it was better than seeing them both be a miserable version of themselves. Their marriage has been dragging on for years now, even she could tell it was only their children keeping them together. Of course, they made sure to consult their children first. It was already so painful for the both of them, so she thought she needed to think what was best for them, so she reluctantly agrees.

She only asked to be transferred to another school.

It did not bother her as much at first and over time she really had accepted the fact that her parents are no longer together. The aftermath was what she couldn’t take— seeing all these pitiful looks in their direction: from their relatives, from their neighbors, from her teachers, from everyone who knew about their situation. The special treatment she got in her new home and her new school really bothered her, annoyed her even.

For a while, she was treated as a fragile object. A glass filled with cracks on every side, on the verge of being completely broken apart anytime. Teachers were careful not to talk about it in front of her, treating her gently, and her classmates forced themselves to be annoyingly kind to her.

For a short while, her life was peaceful, albeit fragile. The girls who found out what she did to Ren at her old school and hated her for it could not hurt her, at least physically, because she was in a 'difficult' state. They would only tell her she deserved everything that was happening to her, that she deserved that her parents are separated, or to have no friends or anyone by her side, and if they see her near Ren again, they would kill her.

It was kinder than what she was putting the girls through at her old school, she thought then. Much, much kinder. She thought she doesn't deserve that kindness, she wished that they be mean to her instead, to torture her like she did to all the girls who got close to Ren, regardless of whether they had bad intentions or not.

It was only for a while though, not long after, they really made her life quite difficult.

Airi breathes in. "I'm okay. It's not like the separation was because of cheating or something like that.” There was something about tonight that makes her stupidly in touch with her feelings, or maybe it was just the alcohol. “It was something they both really need, and I needed to understand that. Plus they seemed happier too, so I'm glad."

And it was not like they stopped talking altogether, mom still calls every now and then to check up on her or visits to see how they were doing. And although they live in separate houses now, they still come together and eat dinner sometimes. It was honestly not that bad.

After a while, she noticed Ren stopped. She turns back to him, who looks baffled, astonished, it was kind of refreshing to see such an expression from a good-looking person.

"You've changed." he breathes out.