(8) what are you really thinking

"You've changed."

There it was, the acknowledgment she wanted. She can see it in his eyes, sparkling, seeing her in a whole new light and recognizing her for who she is now and not who she was then. It took all of her to stop herself from tearing up, hugging him, and thanking him for his words.

However, that wasn’t it. When it comes to her family, Airi had always been very sentimental. Unlike her love for Ren, who she wanted to protect at all costs, her love for her own family stems from the fact that she wanted them to be happy from the bottom of their hearts. Because for a long while, they have never been happy, especially when they were together.

She wondered if she’d shown this side of her to Ren, she had never been the person who tells people about her family problems.

She smiled grimly, in truth, she was still that same child deep inside, who was always waiting to be helped and rescued. She has not changed one bit. She wanted to say that but seeing Ren like this, made her think saying it would just ruin the moment.

"What do you expect, it's been three years after all," she replies matter-of-factly. She always imagined the first time she and Ren talked to be more normal than this, more heartwarming, and doesn't involve carrying a drunken Zoey at his back.

"You're right," he smiles awkwardly. "Sorry," he says blushing a bit, scratching his cheek lightly in embarrassment.

Seeing him act normally, smiling at talking to her and blushing like this gives her an uncomfortable feeling in her chest. She shudders, sensing her conceit and ego bubbling on the surface.

Am I that important to him? Does he love me that much? I mean, how else could he act like this in front of me, after everything? If he can forgive me that easily means that he definitely loves me!

It was this feeling of self-importance and arrogance is why she got herself in this situation in the first place, why she was struggling to change. She forces herself to remember the awful things she did to push that emotion back, down that dusty box where it belongs.

"Your parents…how are they?” She asks, changing the flow of conversation. “I-it's been a long time since I've talked to them..." she purses her lips as if the question was something that pains her to ask.

Ren blinks in surprise before composing himself and answering, "they're okay. They were actually planning on going on a trip together this weekend."

She smiles wistfully, "I see, that's great." she sighs in relief. "I'm glad they're doing okay."

The expression on her face confused him, "I'll send your regards to them."

Airi nods, "Thanks." she says appreciatively. "Also I've been meaning to ask, why did you come to the bar? Luke said you weren't coming."

"Oh. I was in the area so I thought what the heck," he replies casually, "it was great I came, even though it was only for a short while." he grins and she tries to smile but looks away instead, Ren couldn’t help but notice this.

What she initially thought was an awkward (and probably confrontational) walk home before became a calm and pleasant one. There is still that looming tension and cautiousness between them that couldn’t be helped though. Still, the thought that it has been a long time since she talked with Ren normally like this made her somewhat grateful. Something like this is nice once in a while.

Behind him, Zoey smiles in her sleep, breathing peacefully.

…

In front of her apartment building, Airi stops and breathes in, thinks it was fun while it lasted as she faces Ren. "I'll take it from here. Thank you very much for tonight," she says, her arms stretched out, ready to take Zoey from him.

Inching closer, Ren suddenly withdraws from her, "It's okay, let me help you!" he says, "it will be hard to take her up the stairs, right?" he smiles, awkwardly.

Airi could only raise a brow in reply. Ren has always been a helpful person, even back then. It is one of the reasons why he was popular; aside from his face and gentle personality which is already a huge hit. He had a tendency to be forceful in lending a helping hand, especially when it comes to people in need.

Remembering all this again is making her heart race. It is making her remember how she felt about him and to be honest, she would rather not thread there.

"No, really. It's okay, I'll take it from here. I'll take Zoey now." she sounded ruder than she means to be. She did not intend to make it sound like she wanted him out, but it was what was coming across to him. And if she was being honest, she just wanted this night to be over. She is dead tired, and they still have class tomorrow.

Ren stays in his place, silent. He actually looks like he was hurt, she feels bad but decides the alternative is much better. It was getting late too, she thought. Airi takes the chance to approach him and take Zoey. Her hand brushed Zoey's back ready to take her when Ren straightens himself.

"No, let me help you." he says, drawing his face closer to hers, and she impulsively backs away, startled. He is being really persistent about this, she thought. She steps back three paces from him, afraid he would hear her heart suddenly beating faster. She wonders why is he being like this all of a sudden. They spend the next few minutes fighting over Zoey with Airi wanting to take her and Ren preventing her to.

Airi was getting annoyed, she has no time for this. Not to mention shaking Zoey like that will make her sick.

"Let me help you." He repeats, forceful this time, his voice suspiciously persuasive and she was faced with a dilemma of whether to make him go home or just let him help. She really wants him to go home already though!

With a troubled expression, she replied him, "fine. Just until we reach my room. After that, you can go."

His eyes were sparkling, satisfied at her answer, smiling and nodding. At this point he should have been aware of his effect on women; if it were other girls in her position, they would no doubt invite him inside their home and immediately pounce on him.

Please have more self-awareness, she thought holding her head. She feels a headache coming.

When they reached her door , Airi stopped and told him she can't let him in so from here on she really will take it from here. This time he looks understanding, nods and says okay, back to his cool, rational self.

In the first place, she thinks it would have been better if he left when they reached this building, because more than her privacy itself, it would be bad to have someone in their university see them like this. It would raise unwanted suspicion. Not to mention he has a girlfriend. And her long-awaited university life would be ruined.

She could only imagine how Nina would react if she hears about this, especially his fans.

Airi nods and takes Zoey from him and he willingly surrenders her. Zoey only mumbled incomprehensible words to herself throughout the exchange, oblivious and in deep sleep.

Airi thanks Ren one last time as she opens the door, Ren smiles at her. "Rest well and see you tomorrow."

She really is grateful for his help, no matter how much she says she would rather have him leave. If she was alone, it would have taken her longer to get home like this, and she got to talk to him normally so it ended well, better than she hoped.

She says good night, "take care on your way home," before closing the door.

Ren was still in front of her door, standing still when she closes the door behind her. He hears her faintly talking to Zoey as she carries her inside, her voice gradually fading.

To be honest, he did not expect her to change this much, comparing her now to how she was when they were kids. Nina, Keith, and the others noticed too, judging from the way she looks now. It does not change what they feel about her though. He starts to walk back, all while thinking of what happened earlier. He still fails to take it in. "It is really like seeing two different people..." he mutters.

He receives a text from Nina, asking if he is done with the ‘request from a friend’ as he said, or whatever. She wants to call.

He replied that it just finished and that he will message her when he gets home. He did not bother replying with her 'Okay.' and put his phone back in his pocket as he leaves the apartment building.

He gazes one last time at the building. Thinks that her room door on the second floor can be easily seen from where he stands now and walks back indifferently, thinks about stopping at the convenience store for a bit to buy a late dinner.