(11) question of order

It has only been a month since that faithful incident at X bar, but it feels like she just skipped a year's worth of developments. It glides over from the unavoidable confrontation, conflict and went straight to the resolution and epilogue.

From then on, Ren has been calling out to her, greeting her, and casually making attempts to talk to her. It was as if what she has done for four years since middle school was gone. Like it never happened in the first place. A closed and shut case.

It would have been easy to just ignore him, make him feel like she wants to be left alone, or talk to him about her plan of never involving herself with them to give them their much-needed peace and quiet (from her). However, since being called out by Ren, she has been put in a delicate spot. The girls in her class have become wary of her, eyeing her suspiciously. Watching her every move. She was sure that if she even slightly ignores or offended Ren in any way, she would receive divine retribution from them.

Her past self would surely do that, or worse if that's even possible. It has been a daily thing, having girls turn and give her a look, whether of disgust or disapproval, she did not want to bother deciding. It was all the same to her anyway.

Zoey has been very protective of her ever since. Whenever they pass the narrow hallway to the cafeteria and get stabbed by their judging stares, she glares at them back, frightening the other party. She says don't mind it and honestly, she doesn't. Not really. It just gets irritating at times when they blatantly ignore her, knock shoulders with her (they are the ones who get knocked over though), or when she hears them bitch about her in the bathroom. It was nothing short of what she didn't already experience before.

She felt like the odd fish in a new tank, even though she should have been used to this treatment.

Speaking of people becoming wary of her, Marie had also been distant ever since. The gap between them increases as she grows more and more elusive of her, going all the way around her table whenever she talks to Luke and Neil.

When even they took notice of this, which was given since they are childhood friends, she, with a heavy heart, decides to tell them the truth about everything she did. She clenched her fists, resolving to herself that this was bound to happen sooner or later.

Airi's voice was already shaking when she asked them out to lunch. It was even harder than it looked, she thought, even though she used to always call out to girls in high school, saying she wanted to 'talk'. Her hands trembling and she could literally feel her hands grow sweaty and cold, her heart beating with a loud, painful thud.

She wanted to cower away, leave this task for another day. However, she thought it better sooner rather than later. Also because she wanted to know what their answer would be, no matter how frightening.

"Wow. That’s hardcore.”

Luke mock-gapes, then laughs.

She stared at him like how one would stare at a crazy person. She wonders if Luke even believed what she had just said. Meanwhile, Neil didn’t have much of a reaction. She assumes it’s because he had been suspicious of their relationship with Ren from the start and her story was nothing more than a final piece of a puzzle he didn’t care enough to find. Somehow, Airi appreciates this side of him.

When they found out she used to be a bully, however, they burst out laughing. “lol nice one, Airi!”

As the waitress brings their food, Luke and Neil giggle, imagining her bullying her fellow classmates (by threatening to beat them with a bat, Luke supposes) and doing this and that and being an all-around villainous character to everyone around her. Airi couldn't help but blush with the usual attention that comes with these two and their antics that she has no option but to bury herself in her textbook. They are really taking full advantage of the fact that Zoey currently isn't in the picture (she asked her to leave them for a while).

Then their laughter slowly died down, wiping a tear as they go. It was enough so that Airi could finally lift her face from her book, sighing in relief that it was over when Neil casually tells her, "Anyway, it's all in the past don't sweat it. What matters is who we know now."

"I mean, true or not, you're still you." Luke seconded, the way he states this makes it seem like it wasn't a big deal like she just didn't up and ruined people's (Ren's and Nina's) lives, probably leaving a lasting scar on them.

The looming embarrassment and the strong urge to punch these two idiots suddenly dies down, burning out in thick steam and what leaves, she hated to admit, was gratitude. It was a whole new reaction. A whole new take on the truth she suddenly threw at them she didn't know whether to laugh at it or cry in relief. Or both.

For some reason, it brought her to the time when she confessed to her mom and dad. The two of them sat across from her at the dining table a little after 10 pm, talking privately to her on why she wanted to transfer.

And like a kid caught in a lie, she decides to give up. And with grim acceptance, decides to tell the whole truth.

Needless to say, they were speechless, they probably had no idea how far Airi could push herself to protect Ren, to the point of even sacrificing herself. Airi could tell they blamed themselves for not noticing earlier and it seemed to make the burden all the more unbearable.

They reluctantly agreed to her transfer then and there with her dad suggesting they might as well move too since he was concerned about what would happen to her as a result. As it happens, he was also promoted to handle a company branch in the nearby town so it would really be like starting over again.

She apologized, crying to them as they held her, saying it was okay and that they love her. However, that's the thing. Deep inside, she had an inkling that they are bound to accept her because that's how family is to them: Acceptance.

It would be completely different with anyone that isn't. And that has been a painful eye-opener so far.

Until now.

Her heart swells with this light-hearted feeling as if it would burst out of her chest. Her breath hitches and her shoulders trembling as buries her face deeper in her book, once again hiding her face for a completely different reason. It must have been a long time since she had been accepted like this for her to get this emotional she thought.

It was her sniffing that caught the two's attention.

“You guys are idiots…” she says, her voice cracked and muffled over her resisting the urge to cry. She breathes in and tries to swallow her emotions down. She would surely get teased again if this keeps up, she cursed. She never labeled herself as such a crybaby.

Luke laughed a mellowed laugh, while Neil patted her head, like brothers calming down a precious little sister.

Also because they're scared of what Zoey might do when she comes back and sees her crying.

They don’t seem bothered and still casually hang out and talk to her like usual. It makes her think how weird these two might be, to still choose to hang around her despite what everyone says about her. Her male classmates in high school were never like this, she couldn't help but compare. They usually prefer to ignore her as well since they wouldn’t want to get caught in her scandalous past.

Although it could also just be on a whim, she supposes. Regardless, it makes her glad she could share her past with them, despite their tendency to make fun of her for it.

It was turning out to be a great week for the most part, until Ren called her out one day after third period, smiling his usual cool smile, and even waving casually at her. She only flashed an awkward smile in their direction. For some reason, she had a bad feeling, not from him, but from his friends behind him who were either frowning or angry like seeing her automatically ruined their whole week.

Ironically, they were the ones who came up with the idea, as one of them, Keith, lunges forward beside Ren, "How about getting lunch together?"

Wait, what?

"Are you sure Keith?" Ren gasps, even he was surprised by the suggestion. Keith just shrugs, "why not?" he says nonchalantly. His behavior makes it seem like he doesn't care either way, like it was a question of eating ramen despite the hot summer weather. No big deal.

The idea made her mind go into overdrive as if all parts of her brain were screaming it was a bad idea, a tragedy waiting to happen and Airi was having none of that. She politely excused herself when she finds herself being pulled back. An arm firmly grabs her in place. It was Keith who stops her.

Suddenly, his true intentions became apparent. His eyes were blazing, angry and livid, baring his teeth as if ready to bite her head off at the slightest provocation. He has clearly had enough of the past few days probably playing the good friend and putting up with Ren constantly greeting her as if she even matters. As if all this even fucking matters in the long run.

"C'mon, how about it?" he says casually taunting her. His hand on her was like a vice grip, refusing to let her go until she agrees. He knows he is starting to hurt her, which only served to tighten his grip.

This is one of the instances she understood that Ren is probably being sincere with how he is coming on to her because his friends' reactions were the clear opposite. Behind Keith, his other friends' faces were plastered with smirks, enjoying the pain he was clearly inflicting on her.

This, she thought. This is the normal reaction people should have with her. Not being kind, or blindly accepting her misgivings. This is the real deal, and it sends shivers in her spine.

However, if there's anything she learned from being bullied in the past three years, it's that you have to fight back. No matter what.

Before she could so much as lift her hand, Ren steps in. "Let her go, you're hurting her." Keith stares at him, trying to discern him before reluctantly obliging. He lets her go, shrugging like it was nothing, like his vice grip didn't leave a red aching mark on her skin.

"Airi are you okay? I'm sorry about Keith." Ren's kindness isn't making this any easier, Airi thought glancing at him and down at the mark on her arm. Then a thought came to her head.

A confrontation like this was bound to happen sooner or later.

Keith notices her smile in his direction which startles him, questioningly glares in her direction.

This is an opportunity, a chance.

"Sure." she answers, smiling, "why not?"

And she wasn't about to let it pass her by.