(13) what it means

“It’s true.” Airi says.

Her expression grim and her head lay low, staring down at her clenched fists. She closes her eyes and breathes in, tries to rationalize everything as something that needed to be done, that this is something she needed to do. And it was. That much needed to sink in, not just in her, but with her friends as well. And to Ren.

She can feel the piercing stares at her, the question was hanging over their head: Why?

Neil and Luke’s faces must look awful she thought, afraid of looking up for confirmation. Something inside her wished she had told them everything, frustrated that she let her fears overcome her that day.

Faintly, she hears a chuckle, from Keith and his friends she assumes, enjoying her misery and her bonds crumbling in front of her. They were probably eagerly waiting for this for a long time, and seeing it finally happen makes them elated. She wonders if she's being videotaped right now, she wouldn't be surprised if she is

A loud slam on the table surprises her, her head snaps up, and sees Nina standing, her open palms firmly placed on the table, her face strangely indignant, as if she was the one being shamed in front of her. Beside her, Ren stares up at her, confused and astonished, just as her friends are.

Nina clenches her fists and with a difficult expression, storms off, leaving everyone baffled in the wake of her breakdown.

Ren follows after her. Keith is stunned, racking his head on what happened and what he did wrong.

“Aren’t you going to follow them?”

The cold question interrupts his thoughts. Keith turns his head to Zoey, and his anxious expression changes to outright fear. She is glaring at them, her expression is anguished not from Airi being scrutinized in front of her, but from the anger she is keeping in, like an overflowing dam, seconds away from breaking in front of them. She asks the question again.

"Aren't you going to follow them?"

Suddenly, Keith and his friends had the good decency to follow after Nina and Ren, concerned about their friends. This leaves Airi and her group alone. The silence between them is thick enough to cut with a knife. With grim reluctance, Airi turns to Luke and Neil and apologizes for keeping them in the dark about something as serious as this.

She was desperately keeping a straight face, but is instead making her look more miserable. Her face was now a shade darker than it was before, out of fear for what they thought of her after what happened.

Out of nowhere, Airi felt a hand on her head that seems to calm her down. From the tall and muscular stature, not to mention how the hand ruffles her head like a kid, she could tell it was Luke. Still, despite him trying to soothe her, she still refused to look up at him which made him think how stubborn this girl is.

It must took a lot of courage to tell them the truth and he wanted to praise her for her efforts. It made him think.

"You've been through a lot, huh?" he says out loud.

Airi stares up at him and he sees her eyes tearfully gleaming, from frustration or from relief he doesn't know. Her tears overflow without warning and she backs off, suddenly conscious of how emotional she is being in front of them. In a panic, she buries her face in her hands.

"Thank you!" she says unexpectedly, her voice still trembling.

Luke exhales, and holds her in his arms, shielding her from the prying public. "Silly girl. Did you really think we were that easy to scare?" he says, all the while laughing.

______________________

It was quiet for a while.

And she lets it pass by undisturbed, in a daze. It's been two days since the lunch incident and not once has she been approached by Keith and his friends. Surprisingly, Ren has also stopped coming up to her. It's perplexing but not enough for her to dwell on it. He should ignore her after all, he should hate her and couldn't stand the very sight of her because that's how it should be.

She feels relieved that for once, it seemed like Ren started thinking about himself and saw her for what she had done. She almost wished it could go on forever as she breathes deeply, leaning her head on the bench behind her department building, basking in the sunlight like a lazy cat on a peaceful summer day.

It was not particularly hot and for that she was thankful. To see the clouds above her slowly moving forward, not giving a damn about her or anyone for that matter.

The peace was short-lived however when she hears someone approaching her. When their shadow starts to block the sunlight on her face she thought great. Just great. Airi opens her eyes, slightly pissed at the person, and seeing who it actually was did not help either.

It was Nina. It was not exactly a pleasant surprise, but still surprising nonetheless.

"Hi, Airi" she greets her meekly and it took Airi a while to process the fact that Nina is actually here talking to her. She straightens herself in her seat.

"...Hi." she replies, but it comes out as a question instead of a greeting. She didn't know how to react given how everything ended that day.

"Can I talk to you privately?" she asks, gesturing to the little forest behind them. Airi made a face, asking herself, would that be okay, or does Ren or any of her friends know that she is here trying to talk privately to her. She should decline, nothing good ever comes out of talking privately.

Against her better judgment though, she nods anyway and tells her to lead the way.

She notices that Nina has been talking politely, cautiously to her, careful not to make her angry, or upset, or invoke any other emotion from her. She was not like this before she transferred, she thinks, which made her think that she still fears her, traumatized by her and what she is capable of doing. It was understandable, with everything she put her through.

Then Nina stops, decided that they were far enough from anyone seeing them and starts by apologizing for bothering her and calling her out here. and Airi says that it's okay, somewhat cautious.

She starts fidgeting. She wonders why she is here in front of her. Apologize for what her friends did to her or make her apologize for apparently pushing her down the stairs that day. Knowing her though, the former is the more plausible answer.

Nina's friendly aura made her able to get along with anyone. There was even a time she was able to talk to her (who is known to give everyone the cold shoulder) normally and actually make conversation. She knows how to please people, to make them feel welcome and loved, completely the opposite of her and her tendency to glare at anyone who so much as approaches Ren. Well, used to anyway.

After a while, she starts speaking, "I just wanted to confirm about what happened on the first day of university." She says, her tone serious, "that night at the bar, what really happened between you and Ren?"

Airi blinks, this was what made her have the courage to call out to her and talk privately?

From the look on her face though, it’s an astounding yes.

She exhales. "Nothing happened, he just helped Zoey get home." she tries reassuring her. "I didn't do anything, if that's what you're concerned about."

Nina nods, considering but still not convinced. Thinks Airi probably made him help her in some way, blackmail or even gaslight him into doing so. Nina wears her heart on her sleeve so her thoughts are as obvious as daylight.

"He was reluctant to help at first, but gave in anyway since everyone was too drunk to help." she lies. Honestly, she doesn't know why she is even going out of her way to assure her in the first place. Ren was the one who insisted on helping no matter what, but it was not like she will believe that.

Still, she feels that it was the best way to avoid conflict. "He would not have done it otherwise. I told him it was okay but he kept insisting, thinking about Zoey's well-being. You know how Ren can be."

"That's true... Ren can be forceful in lending his help." Nina smiles wistfully as if remembering a fond memory of him.

Airi stares at her meaningfully.

"I'm sorry for everything I've done to you." she blurts out.