chapter 20 - memories

"D! Let's go play in the forest", David said as he ran up to me.

I smiled happily to see him, "ok," I said immediately, but then I remembered what I was doing

"What's wrong?" he asked

"I can't go," I said sadly,

"Why not?" David ask curiously

I pointed to the papers on the desk only a few feet away, "I have to finish the work Dave gave me…" I said.

David frowned, then smiled and said," Forget about that, let's go play"

I didn't want to leave Dave's work undone. I didn't want him to be mad at me… I was trying really hard to be good, so he wouldn't treat me like my mother or kick me out. I only lived with them for a year, and I had done everything Dave had asked me to do. I also did as David asked but sometimes their requests contradicted each other like now. At times like these, I went with what Dave wanted because he was my dad now and he was in charge.

David rolled his eyes at my refusal… "Ugh, I don't understand you… Are you trying so hard to impress him? I mean you literally do whatever he tells you" David said annoyed.

I was stunned. " You don't understand me? I don't understand you! Why aren't you trying to impress him? Don't you know what could happen if he gets angry at you or tired, he could hurt you and kick you out. What would you do then? I mean yeah Dave is nice, but you never know what he's thinking" I said, trying to get to him.

David just looked at me like I was crazy,... " What are you talking about, Dave's my dad, he wouldn't do that he loves me… heck he loves you too… we're his kids! Parents love their kids"

" Not all of them, my mom didn't. She didn't love me and she always hurt me. Dave's the only person I know that is nice to me, I just don't want him to be mad at me ever… so- so I need to be good so he never gets upset, I'm already lucky he doesn't mind my eyes, but that doesn't mean he'll let me stay if I prove useless". I said crying, remembering all the insults my old mom would throw at me. That my eyes were disgusting, that I was the reason her life sucked, that I was completely useless. I never wanted to hear those words again. That is why I kept doing my best so Dave doesn't ever have a reason to say those things to me.

David looked less annoyed now, even sorry, he was about to say something to me but was interrupted by Dave walking into the room.

I was so terrified when Dave walked in, I didn't want him to see me crying. Mother used to hate it when I cried. I quickly ducked my head and tried wiping my face, but Dave already figured out I was crying.

" David, what did you do?" Dave asked sounding a bit angry but mostly concerned

"What?! I didn't do anything, I swear " David replied panicked, he turned to me, he didn't say anything but his face spoke for him, 'Say something!'

" He didn't do anything, it's my fault I'm sorry…" I said sniffling. That turned out to be the wrong thing to say as Dave looked angrily at David and David looked at me with a wide open jaw.

" David please go to your room," Dave said, he said please but his tone made it clear there was no room for complaints.

David glanced at me before leaving, looking guilty. I wondered why- he hadn't done anything.

"Alright, D can you tell me what happened," he asked, and I did. I told him how I wanted to finish the work he gave me, but then David wanted to play. He asked me if I wanted to play too, and of course, I did, but not before finishing the work he gave me. And I told him how I was scared to upset him because I didn't want him to stop being nice to me or to get tired and kick me out.

I knew I should have stopped talking the moment Dave's face started changing. But I was tired of keeping my fears in, and a part of me wondered if saying all that would make him more direct with me and tell me exactly what I needed to do for him to keep treating me nicely.

After saying everything I held my breath hoping I hadn't just messed up. I'm not sure what exactly it is that I was expecting. Maybe for him to ask me to leave, or to give me a set of rules he wanted me to follow, I was really hoping for that, or maybe for him to knock me out and dump me somewhere… please no. well, none of that happened… Instead, he hugged me tightly. To me who never received love, more than hugs, I saw these hugs as rewards. Dave would hug me every time I finished a task. I would also see him try to hug David but he would try to wiggle out of it. David was really strange for that. I could never understand why anyone would refuse a hug.

Well, this hug surprised me as I knew I hadn't done anything to deserve it. Dave was so generous.

"...D I-I had no idea you felt that way. Look, I don't need you to do anything for me to care about you. I care about you already. I don't want you working too hard or pressuring yourself. You aren't a stranger doing favors to stay. You are my daughter… I know you are hurt and confused over what your old mom did. D, she wasn't a good person. You shouldn't have good through that. Normally a child doesn't have to do anything to win their parent's love, they just have to exist. Well, I'm your parent now and all you have to do for me to keep loving you is…"

There was a suffocating pause, I wanted to know what I had to do…

"...Nothing" he finished, smiling at me as if I was surpassed to understand what he just said.

"What?" I asked, confused

" He chucked and hugged me tighter, " D, all you have to do is nothing, you are my daughter, and all I want from you is for you to keep existing, as you are… and with your beautiful eyes… aaaand maybe start calling me dad?"

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

later

"D I'm sorry if I made you upset," David said to me...

"It's fine, I was just a bit frustrated" I said

"D, you know we family now right... you don't have to worry about anything or anyone, I'll always be with you"

"Really?"

"Really. You are my sister, and I'm your big brother so I gave to stick with you and protect you!" he said smiling

"You're only older by a few months", I said and we laughed together.

Despite that, I really did see him as my older brother. "You promise you'll never leave me?" I asked quietly

"I promise D"