Chapter7: Perplexed

There was an eerie, yet strange calmness that had taken over the mountain. The breeze that blew only moments before stilled, and even the songs of the nighttime insects had fallen silent. There was only the sound of Jaxx’s unsteady breathing, and the crunch of loose gravel as she paced back and forth.

“I’ve finally lost my mind,” she said aloud and ran a hand through her hair. “All of the stress has gotten to me, broken my brain, something…”

“You’re not crazy,” the voice of her deceased brother rang in her head again.

“Uh, hah hah,” Jaxx stammered and spun around, jade eyes peering into the darkness on all sides.

This was a trick, right? Someone out in the woods pulling a prank and trying to capitalize on her shot nerves. Yeah, that had to be it, because the alternative made absolutely f*ck all sense.

“Calm down, will ya?” Tristan said. “It’s me, I’m here, in your head yeah, but not in the ‘you’ve snapped’ way.”

“What other way is there?” Jaxx sputtered as she gripped the sides of her head, feeling like she was spiraling out.

“Well, I’ve kinda always been here. I’ve just been waiting for you to wake the h*ll up so I could finally talk to you.”

“Wake the h*ll up?”

“Yeah, you know,” Tristan tried to explain. “Wake up to your inner wolf.”

“Wait,” Jaxx hesitated. “Are you saying that you’re my inner wolf?”

“Something like that?”

Jaxx blinked a few times and then shook her head. Yeah, she knew that everyone had an inner wolf, at least shifters anyway. It usually appeared when you came fully into your abilities, but this wasn’t how it had been explained to her. The inner wolf was supposed to be an extension of yourself, not a deceased relative taking up space inside your head!

“Look,” Tristan chuckled. “I don’t fully understand it either. All I know is that I’ve been in this place since the accident, trying to talk to you, but you couldn’t hear me. Until now.”

“You realize how insane this sounds, right?”

“No more insane than you being named Alpha…”

“Ah,” Jaxx dropped her shoulders. “You heard about that, huh?”

“I hear everything.”

A long silence hung in the air, smothering and uncomfortable. There had to be some other explanation, but for the life of her, Jaxx couldn’t come up with one.

“So,” Tristan’s voice drew out the word. “How are things?”

“Seriously?”

“I don’t know what to say! I’ve been waiting for so long, and now this just seems awkward.”

“You think so?” Jaxx said hoarsely as she threw her hands in the air and then let them drop by her sides.

Awkward? That was an understatement to say the very least. This was crazy, bat sh*t, a definite sign of mental illness that had probably been repressed for years, finally unleashed when she had been named the successor to her father.

“You have impeccable timing, you know that?” Jaxx said with a heavy sigh. “I’ve got enough on my plate without adding hearing voices to the list.”

“It’s not my fault you kept running away from yourself for so long.”

“Yeah, it’s mine, right?”

“Well, who else is to blame? You’ve never been that great at accepting responsibility.”

“Oh,” Jaxx laughed dryly. “I get it, you’re not my inner wolf, you’re my sh*tty conscience coming ‘round to bite me in the a**.”

She turned around and walked to the edge of the embankment, another round of objectionable sighs passing through her lips. With her hands on her hips, she stood there and stared, brows furrowed in contemplation.

“I’ve missed you, a**hole,” she finally said.

There was a brief silence before Tristan finally laughed, and the sound was rich in her mind, causing a sudden warmth to prickle her flesh. It felt like a much-needed hug, and Jaxx found she wanted nothing more than to lean into the sensation.

**

TWO YEARS PRIOR:

The sun kissed the horizon and turned everything in the village a shimmering bronze, oddly making it more vivid. Patches of greenery poked through the last bits of melting snow, a sure sign that spring was on the way. It had been a hard winter, but life sprang forth unbothered, and children ran through the meadows nearby, their laughter carrying on the brisk air.

It was through one of these meadows that a slightly younger Jaqueline Lorient trudged along, boots sloshing in the dampness. Her hair billowed behind her, like strands of silk dancing on the wind. Her hard eyes stared ahead; a ridged scowl etched across her brow.

“Hey!” a voice had called behind her, but she continued undeterred. “Wait up!”

After a few more steps, she stopped and turned to see her brother running to catch up. His loose shirt rippled against the open wind, clinging to his muscular upper body. Her eyes rolled and she walked on in an attempt to leave him behind.

“Yo,” he yelled. “Wait up!”

“Why are you always following me?”

“Why are you always leaving?”

Jaxx paused which gave Tristan just enough time to catch up. He bent over at the waist, hands on his knees, and sucked in a breath.

“How do you move so fast without running?” he questioned with a chuckle as he straightened and brushed his brownish-blonde hair from his eyes.

“It’s a developed skill,” Jaxx mocked.

“Where are you going anyway?”

“Anywhere but here.”

“Trouble with dad again?”

“How did you guess?”

Tristan sighed and dusted the knees of his jeans off with one hand. Jaxx eyed him curiously, wondering why he had bothered to break from his training to come and find her.

“He just wants the best for you, ya know?” he said. “For us both.”

“No, he wants to control everything I do,” Jaxx replied, her voice as cold as the last clinging breath of winter. “You, well, you’re his only son, which means he wants you to be the best candidate for Alpha.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Tristan conceded. “You shouldn’t let him get to you so bad, though. It’s not good for your mental health.”

He lifted a hand and thrust his index finger into his sister’s forehead. She swatted him away and slapped his shoulder.

“Just go back to training,” she said. “I’ve got better things to do.”

“What, like partying?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact.”

“You drink too much. It’s going to take years off your life.”

“Nothing has taken me out yet.”

“Because everyone and everything is scared of you,” Tristan joked and then paused before continuing. “Let me come?”

“Hah! H*ll no,” Jaxx snorted and shook her head. “You think dad is mad at me now? Let him find out I took you to the city.”

“Come on,” he pleaded. “Call it an early birthday celebration. Just me and you, like it used to be.”

Jaxx pondered his request, noting the sad look in his eye. He used that puppy dog look when he really wanted to get something. Normally it worked on everyone but her. Tonight, though, she couldn’t seem to deny him.

“Fine,” she sighed and rolled her eyes. “But don’t cramp my style.”

Tristan tried to contain his excitement, but he couldn’t help doing a small happy dance as he followed his sister across the meadow toward their house.

An hour later and they cruised through the city in Tristan’s old beater pickup, radio blasting and windows down. He had insisted on driving, proud that he had finally gotten that piece of crap truck running. Jaxx didn’t complain too much, him driving meant she could drink freely without consequence.

She directed him to a local hotspot known for cheap drinks, loud music, and hot women. A place they could both enjoy. No, it wasn’t a secret to anyone that Jaxx preferred the company of women, and surprisingly, that hadn’t been an issue in the pack, or within their own family. One thing she could be happy about when it came to home life.

“This is so awesome!” Tristan bellowed over the loud music as he came up to the bar, breathing heavy from dancing for the past half hour straight. It wasn’t his fault he was so excited over something so simple, their father rarely let him express himself outside of pack duties.

“Calm down,” Jaxx chided. “Here.”

She passed him a beer and he chugged it halfway before breaking to suck in a breath. Jaxx couldn’t help chuckle at his unbridled enthusiasm. She had to admit, it was nice to see this side of her brother. He seemed unbothered, free, and genuinely happy that he was allowed to party with her. It was a welcomed deviation from her normal self-isolating behavior.

“I think I am starting to understand why you like doing this all the time,” he said as he leaned against the bar and took another swig of beer.

From across the dance floor, Jaxx eyed a dark-skinned woman with vivid blue eyes zoning in on her brother. A crooked smile broke across her lips, and she turned to face Tristan, looking him up and down before adjusting his shirt and brushing some loose strands of hair from his eyes.

“You’re about to understand even more,” she said as she took the beer from his hands and shoved him in the direction of the approaching woman.

He stumbled forward, eyeing his sister with a confused expression, that is until the foreign woman wrapped a hand around his neck and pulled him out onto the dance floor. Jaxx laughed watching him fumble under the woman’s touch, unsure of where to put his hands, or even where to look. Obviously, Jaxx had gotten all the game when it came to the Lorient genes.

It was over an hour later before she saw her brother again. He had stumbled up from the back of the club, hair tousled, shirt ripped at the collar, sporting lipstick down the side of his neck, and Goddess knows where else. He had a glazed over expression, and Jaxx laughed so hard when she saw him that her ribs ached. After many congratulations, she dragged him back out onto the dance floor and they jumped around together, drinks in hand, and worries momentarily forgotten.

It was almost dawn before they finally piled back into Tristan’s pickup and headed for home. Both were definitely worse for wear, buzzed, but happy, music blaring and tires swerving as they headed up the mountain.

A familiar song came over the speakers and they broke out into song, singing horribly off-key as they sped onward. Neither one of them had noticed the thick blanket of fog that had rolled in, and neither of them spotted the pack of deer that bounded across the road in front of them…until it was too late.

“Sh*t!” Tristan yelled but Jaxx could barely hear him over the sound of screeching tires.

She woke up sometime later, groggy, head throbbing, eyes blurred by the flash of hazard lights. Slowly, she sat upright, glass cutting into the underside of her legs, causing her to suck in a breath. She glanced over at the passenger door, noting the window had been smashed out.

“Tris?” she croaked through chapped and dry lips. “What the h*ll…”

Her eyes focused on the front of the truck. It was crumbled in, smashed against a large tree, half buried in a snowbank. She raised a hand and gingerly touched the side of her head, feeling a warm stickiness that caused her to wince. When she looked at her hand, she realized it was covered in blood. Her blood. A wave of dizziness threatened to black her out once more, but she fought against it and pushed against the door. It popped open with a loud crack, and she stumbled out into the snow.

“Tristan?” she called out, but there was no reply.

She felt her way along the truck to the backside and rounded toward the driver’s door. The window was busted out on that side too, and internally a sick feeling began to spread from Jaxx’s gut to her throat.

“Tris…”

With uneven steps, she made her way to the front of the truck. The windshield was smashed out, glass littered the ground, and she had to step over several large chunks. When she turned past the front bumper, her knees gave out, and she fell forward in a heap next to the body of her brother. Her hands grasped at his battered form, turning him over to reveal wide open, but lifeless eyes.

“No…” she breathed out. “NO!”

The shriek that escaped echoed through the forest, reverberated back, and deafened her own ears as she tugged desperately at Tristan’s body, pressing into his chest, slapping his face, until her exhausted body finally crumpled over his.

Everything around her began to spin, blurring together into a merciless deluge of nightmarish emotion. Searing heat engulfed her body, bones snapped, flesh tore, and the screams she released contorted into ragged howls until nothing was left of her but the form of a dark furred wolf.

Unable to do anything else, she knelt on her front legs and shifted around until the body of her brother draped limply over her back. With him secured, she pushed off, kicking snow as she tore through the woods, up the mountain, and eventually past the threshold of their village.

Standing there, as if informed by some unknown force, was their mother and father. Helene fell upon her husband, wailing into the night, as the body of her son was placed at their feet. It was then, and only then, that Jaxx returned to her human form, doubled over beside her brother, head bowed, hands clenching the frozen ground, and the sound of her father’s voice echoing in her ears…

“What have you done…?”

**

PRESENT:

“You shouldn’t think about things like that,” Tristan lamented, but Jaxx didn’t reply.

Though the night continued to move around her, she had remained frozen on the cliff’s edge. The past had caught up, combined with the present, and swirled like a riptide threatening to drag her under.

“It’s all I think about,” she whispered, her words drifting off into the bitterness of night. Tristan said nothing, and for that she was glad.

There was a part of her that believed if the conversation continued, the last bit of control she had would falter and reduce her to nothing. She couldn’t continue forward like this; worried that at any given moment she would simply cease to be.

Her body felt exhausted, like it would crumble at any second, leaving the wind to scatter what was left of her to the sea. A sudden gust sent a shiver up her backside, and Jaxx wrapped her arms around herself as her eyes fell shut.

Something had to give, had to change, and somewhere inside the twisted shards of her broken mind, she understood it had to start with her. A lone tear spilled down her right cheek, and she quickly brushed it away with the backside of her hand. Now wasn’t the time to fall apart.

As the sun began to break across the horizon, Jaxx tore herself from stagnation, and started down the path that led home. She wasn’t sure if she needed to sleep, or if she needed to pack her sh*t and leave, but the words that echoed in her head, for once, simply said: “Just go home.”