Chapter8: Push

The front door to the Lorient home clicked open, and Jaxx slipped through in silence. When she shut the door, she leaned her forehead against it and released a long sigh. She wasn’t ready to face the demons in this house, but then again, there was no time like the present to expose old wounds.

“I’m glad to see you didn’t run,” a voice called from the kitchen.

Jaxx jerked her head to the side and her brows rose slightly.

“Richard?”

He stood against the island in the center of the large room, his hand wrapped loosely around an empty tumbler. Jaxx moved quietly to stand beside him, noting the familiar smell of depression mixed with booze and stale cigarettes. That’s when she noticed the open bottle of bourbon on the counter, halfway demolished.

“Rough night, huh?” Jaxx said while she grabbed a glass and poured herself a drink. She swirled the liquid, stared at it for a moment, and then took a gulp.

“No more so than yours,” he replied, his voice haggard.

“I’m sorry,” she said, brows furrowed as the stared at the floor.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, kiddo.”

A small smile appeared on Jaxx’s lips at the use of the word, but she said nothing and took another mouthful from the glass.

“You shouldn’t be drinking so early,” Richard said as he capped the bottle of bourbon and stuck it into a nearby cabinet.

“You’re one to talk,”

“Yeah, well,” Richard chuckled. “I’m older than you.”

A moment passed before either of them spoke again.

“What happened,” Jaxx asked. “You know, after I walked off?”

“If you ever learn not to walk off so suddenly, you won’t always have to ask about the aftermath.”

Jaxx sighed and knocked back the last of the bourbon. He was right, and she knew it, but that didn’t mean she had to like hearing it. It was just another thing on a long list of things she had to work on.

“Your father declared that your coronation will happen in three days’ time,” Richard explained grimly.

“Three days…” Jaxx’s voice was small, almost nonexistent.

Richard laid his free hand on her shoulder and stared at her until she reluctantly met his gaze. They shared a silent conversation before he squeezed the spot and then dropped his hand.

“Are you going to accept?” he asked.

Jaxx chewed the inside of her cheek, index finger tapping on the side of the empty glass, and eyes locked on the countertop. Was she? Should she? All of these were questions she wasn’t sure she had answers to.

“You would make a fine Alpha, Jaxx…” Richard said. “Despite how hard you work to keep it hidden, I’ve seen the strength you possess, and the love and devotion you have to your family and pack. Yeah, you screw up, a lot, but it’s not because you don’t know what you’re doing. You think you don’t merit compassion, love, respect, but you are just as deserving as the rest of us.”

Jaxx felt a wave of emotion stab at her chest, and tears threatened to spill, but she fought them back and swallowed it all down.

“You are good,” Richard confirmed. “You are worthy, and you are loved. Stop thinking otherwise.”

He gave her a firm slap on the back as he moved out of the kitchen toward the front door.

“I’m sorry for what Jessup said to you,” she called out as she turned to follow him. “You didn’t deserve that.”

“I’ve made my fair share of mistakes,” Richard said, his hand on the door handle. “I’ll own them, and you need to do the same.”

Richard pulled the door open and left as Jaxx stood there in the doorway, somehow feeling fuller but also emptier than before.

**

Jaxx remained downstairs for a while longer after Richard left, but feeling the full effects of exhaustion, and knowing that soon her parents would wake, she eventually crept up the stairs toward her bedroom.

Once at the top of the stairs, she stood quiet and listened for any signs her parents were awake. When she heard none, she carefully opened her bedroom door and slipped inside. Finally in the confines of her own sacred space, the weight she carried seemed to momentarily lift.

It was like she could finally breathe deeply and let some of the emotions fall away. Though she knew the feeling wouldn’t last, Jaxx allowed herself this momentary respite and fell onto her bed in a heap. A deep exhale brought further relief, and her eyes began to flutter closed, a premise to hopefully sweeter dreams to follow.

Just as she was beginning to drift off, something buzzed underneath the blankets and jerked her back to the waking world. Fumbling, she reached around until her hand wrapped around her cell phone. She pulled it from the back pocket of her jeans and flipped it over.

With blurry eyes she unlocked the screen to find a notification of two missed text messages. Her brows knitted together, and she swiped over to see a familiar name pop up…it was Charley.

All at once, sleep be d*mned, Jaxx sat up in the bed and scooted back against the wire-framed headboard. She scanned the messages, and a small smile spread across her lips.

“Hey,” Charley had written. “I haven’t heard from you since the other night and had an urge to check in. I hope everything sorted itself and you’re doing well.”

Jaxx’s smile widened as she scrolled into the second text.

“I know it’s an ungodly hour, and I just got off work not that long ago…Do you maybe want to meet up?”

And just like that, temptation came calling.

Jaxx turned her phone over in her hands and then tossed it aside. She shouldn’t go trapsing off, right? It was in bad taste considering everything that had occurred…but there was a nagging feeling that she just couldn’t ignore.

Technically, she hadn’t gone to bed yet, which meant the day had just continued, and not started over. That meant she had more time for considerations and responsibilities, right? Hm. Maybe. It probably wasn’t the best idea, but Jaxx had already leapt from the bed and began sorting through clothes to change into.

**

Jaxx made her way through the house as silently as possible, surprised that her parents weren’t up yet. She chalked it up to everyone having a hard night and needing extra sleep, not wanting negative thoughts to divert her from meeting up with Charley.

As she made her way from the front door, down and off the porch, and to the driveway where her Jeep was parked, she noticed the silhouette of another, and it caused her to pause. Had she been caught? Was it her father lurking in the shadows of the rising sun, waiting to see if she snuck off? No, this outline was leaner and much shorter.

“You’ve made your decision then?”

“Thea?” Jaxx instantly recognized that smooth, yet imposing tone. “What are you doing here?”

“What do you think?” The woman said as she stepped out from the side of the driveway, arms crossed over her midsection, and eyes blazing.

“I…” Jaxx stammered, but she was cut off.

“Where are you going?”

Jaxx took a step back and centered herself, suddenly feeling a rush of unfamiliar emotion that seemed to cause every nerve to stand on end. She eyed the woman, soaking in every inch of her, and as she did the emotions began to grow. What was this foreign feeling that had suddenly begun to show itself each time she saw Thea? Unwilling to think on it, Jaxx waved it off as nothing more than an unwarranted irritation.

“I’m going to meet a friend,” she stated.

“You realize leaving now looks like you’re abandoning your duties?”

“What’s it to you?”

Jaxx had already been spoken to in several instances over the past few days that tested her resolve to listen. With the conversation that had transpired with Richard, the limit for seriousness had passed twice over.

“You have to know by now that your decisions no longer just affect you and you alone, right?” Thea spat.

“You’re p*ssed?” Jaxx’s voice couldn’t hide her surprise. “It’s not my fault all of this shook out the way it did.”

“No, but it is your responsibility now.”

“What do you want from me?”

“I want…” Thea began but her words trailed off as a look of consternation wrinkled her well-manicured eyebrows.

So, she didn’t even know what she wanted? That didn’t surprise Jaxx much. It wasn’t often people could easily articulate what they wanted from her. The only one that seemed to have a knack for that was her father.

Frustration mounted while both women stood there in awkward silence. The air between them was unnerving; like a wet sock that soured your mood.

“I know I’m not who you want me to be,” Jaxx blurted out. “I’m not Jessup…”

She immediately stared at the pavement; furious those words had left her mouth. It had taken a long time to come into her own, and she didn’t need another person telling her how disappointing the result was.

“You think that’s what I want?” Thea spoke, her voice but a whisper.

“Things would be a lot simpler if he had been named Alpha instead of me.”

“Jessup could never…”

Thea closed her mouth before another word could weasel its way out and Jaxx just stared at her a moment. Jessup might not have been much, but he was still who she had chosen to be with. Speaking ill of him in front of her would have been a betrayal, and Jaxx’s respect for her grew in that moment.

Once again, an uneasy silence fell over the pair as they stood in the early rays of morning. It felt as if a mountain of unspoken words stood between their understanding of one another.

Jaxx should have tried harder over the years to get to know the woman better. Perhaps if she had, she would have been better equipped for this moment. She knew the basics of course…but what good were basics when emotions ran deeper than surface level?

And there were emotions aplenty it seemed, but she hadn’t been privy to that fact until recently. Every instance Jaxx could recount over the past few days involving Thea seemed to drive that point home.

Something had changed between them, but she couldn’t pinpoint what. Now even a glance from the woman, or a wayward thought, made her insides tremble. Perhaps the answer was as simple as her overcomplicating the situation? It wasn’t uncommon for her to do so. Even still, she wasn’t positive that explained things.

“Jaxx…”

Thea exhaled her name in such a breathless way that it caused goosebumps to rise on her skin. It took a moment, but Jaxx lifted her eyes. What stared back at her was an expression of confusion mixed with affinity that caused her heart to race. It was clear in the moment that one of two things were going to happen, either they were going to kiss, or Jaxx had to leave.

“I’m going,” Jaxx said as her eyes darkened, and she climbed into the Jeep. “And nothing you say is going to change that.”

After she backed onto the main road and pulled forward, she chanced a glance in the rearview mirror and saw Thea standing in the driveway defeated. Anger washed over her, but ironically it was directed at herself and not the other woman.

Her own words left an acrid taste in her mouth and caused regret to gnaw her insides. She wasn’t normally a harsh spoken person, but whatever had just transpired between the two left her bewildered and uncertain. The only reasonable response had been to flee, and so she had.

Now, with foot on the gas, she was even more determined to see Charley.