Chapter Sixty five

"I think I'm beginning to hate him" I stare up at Andrew, I decided to visit him since I have some free period in the office"Hate him? Or the decision he has chosen to make?  

"I think the decision" I forced a smile on my lips. "He should be the one supporting me now not the other way round, I find it very hard to think of my father as a bad man". " he thinks making that decision for you would help you more than you can ever realize". I watched my coffee on his desk

 "How can giving my daughter to a monster help my future, it won't help but make me feel miserable for the rest of my life you know the truth of everything is that, I can't live without my daughter". Andrew stood up to stand by the window side.

" marry me". "What! I stare at his back, what did he just said now, marry? I watched him turn finally to meet my gaze " Marry me, Becca the child will be mine, I don't think he'll still have the courage to come for the child that is not his"

"I don't know" I was very speechless that was the last thing I've expected to hear "You don't have to answer me now, take your time" he stare at my shocked face.

 "You can still say no if you don't want to, I won't force you to do what you don't want to, I just want to be there to protect you and Sunny".  I nodded still not finding the proper word to say. 

I looked up and still saw him staring at me. " how about dinner" I smiled why did I say that, it was made after much complicated. I think staying away from him would be the best so why have I invited him for dinner. "Sure" he replied with a boyish smile on his lips. Why was I noticing that, I scolded myself "No problem then"

 When I came back to the office, Mandy was already waiting for me "Hi girl" "hi" I greeted and slumped on the seat in front of her. 

"What's wrong". She asked tapping her fingernails on the desk, how was I going to tell her what Andrew said. I have never thought that he would say that even after our doorstep kiss. " what tell me? 

"I don't think you'll believe it if I do". " Try me then" I stare at her for a while I wonder what her reaction would be if I tell her, "Andrew asked me to marry him". " what! Really? I nodded watching her "That's such great news"  "you're being serious right? I asked, " of course, finally, he confessed his feelings". "This wasn't a feeling it was a proposal". " it is both, Andrew loves you all this while now he finally said it". "I don't think love is involved". " why would you say that huh?

"He just doing it to protect me and Sunny". "Then tell me how can someone who doesn't love you want to protect you, stop being naive Becca!  " it sad because I don't think I love him that's the last thing I will do to any man again"

"Gosh!, Becca, you're still allowing your experience to hunt you, it's time you let go". " let go? And get hurt again" I laughed. "I'm just being cautious because I won't allow anybody to hurt me again.

" I think you know by now that Andrew would never hurt you, but you're still allowing what happened between you and Sam to affect your future". "I'm not, I'm not Mandy, I'm just careful so that the same thing won't happen to me again and by the way... I stood up to walk to the door, I was tired of having this discussion " I'm having dinner with his dinner" with that I shut the door behind me, everything was so hard now, I just want to have a free life but it seems that nothing like that would happen in my life.

Will marrying Sam make that dream come through, I just need answers. But I can't avoid making mistakes again, I think I'll talk things out doing dinner. 

I'm not a child again to hide or shy away from talks if this decision was going to protect Sunny... "Jeez! I rubbed my forehead, I felt my has thud, I have been thinking too much.

" mummy, his uncle Andrew coming today? "Hmm I nodded rubbing my forehead the headache has increase but I can deal with it for tonight. " mummy are you feeling okay". "Yes baby" I crouched down to give her a peck on the forehead "What are you preparing for him". " You're good with questions" I smiled "I'm preparing rice with sauce". " But you're frying chicken". "Yeah, it goes with the food".  " wow!!! She jumped in excitement.

 "Go and play Mummy has to get things done here". " But I want to start with you" I turned from the chicken and stare at her cute face. "Okay but don't touch anything, I don't want you to get hurt". " yes Mummy, she smile and started running around the kitchen, I turned and continue what I was doing. 

My mind played back at the kiss, I don't know why my mind keep playing back at that scene, I sigh. 

The truth was I want another, it had been ages since I let a man touch me. The only man that I had given that permission had hurt me beyond anything, I just want to be free in doing things and not let my emotions control me.

I want to be able to love somebody without fearing anything, I just want to be able to forget Sam and everything he had done to me and still doing now.

The problem now is if it's possible to do that,  have lived in fear of men. I've avoided dating or coming close to anyone except Andrew, what to do now.

"Mummy! Sunny called drawing my attention, I turned to know to see a bee pointing at the chickens. God! It was burning when I was done taking them out " Thanks baby," I said and watch her smile.

How could I ever stay a day without you in my life, I wouldn't let that monster take away my happiness.