Chapter Ninety nine

I walked home to my quiet home, no child or lover it was empty and voided of happiness but I can't bring herself to live like before anytime I want or think about it, all I reminded me that everything had been taken away from me, my happiness was no more there and it hurts, it was like an arrow piercing my heart. Immediately I walked into the house my legs gave out and I slide to the floor in tears, remembering my daughter smile she had been the one to light up my life but now everywhere seems empty how was it possible to move on without her there and Andrew, I was deeply sorry because I can't accept his love anymore it just hurt knowing that the kid which had completed us as a family wasn't there. 

Just thinking about all this made me so weak and I had no other option than to sleep on the floor, they were nothing left of me just emptiness. I walked into the building where I had started my career the next time, no one was expecting me but I have to come, I think I have to start from somewhere now if the more I think about it the more empty and hopeless I feel. I stood in the elevator thinking of how I might look after a month of heartbreak and torture, it looks as if I wouldn't fit in, it seems all too weird to be back here knowing that when I get home that there would no child there to show me the drawing and painting she had made for mum. Coming back here reminded me of the first time I walked into this building with Andrew escorting me in to meet Mandy.

I waited for the elevator door to pull open before taking a breath and walking inside, Mandy was occupied with her laptop when I walked in, I stood there and stare at her busy face without wanting to disturb her, just then she decided to look up and her gaze met mine. x

"Seriously! Becca!! She ran out from her seat to embrace me. "You finally came, you came back" she hugged tightly. "I've missed you so much but goes what I haven't even thought of replacing my friend, I waited for you" 

I hugged her back tightly and just then I stare to see the silver ring on her finger. "It's beautiful" I complimented. "What...oh... She looked down at her finger and smile. "He proposed so, I went for him" I nodded as I watched my friend's happy face. "Hern will I be this happy again," I thought, moving away from her to sit down on her couch. "I:ve missed this". She smiled and came to sit beside me. " And I have missed you". The rest of the day, she filled me in on her finance, what work has stressed her I listen to her speak. It wasn't like before I was still feeling empty but I didn't try to bother her, I watched her work then later in the evening she drove me back home.

I came to stand on my porch, I couldn't stay here for the night the silence was driving me insane, I just needed something, something to fill me but there was nothing I was all alone I hugged my arm around myself and tried to give myself warmth but it wasn't working, I have to do something. I turned back and walked down the street allowing the night air to slip into my bone, I let myself shiver for while before boarding a taxi.

I have to do something that was the only thing that played in my mind, the taxi stopped me in front of the club I told him to drop me off maybe a little drink would calm my nerves and give me peace, The place was buzzing with music, it was so loud that I can't even hear a thing, there was a lot of people there dancing and doing a lot of unthinkable thinks, I walked starlight to the counter and ordered a drink, this would be my first time of taking alcohol and hopes it would warI her up, I just needed something and this seems the right thing to do.

"Hey, what's up babe, I haven't seen your face here before" I looked up from my drink to the guy staring in front of me, there was no use in replying to him, she ignored him and grabbed her drink. "Hey, don't be that kind of girl" she touched her lightly on the arm. "If you touch me again, I promised to match this bottle on you".  " Hey, please I'm just here on an errand, someone is interested in meeting you" was that a joke. "I'm very tired to play children's games and please I don't want you or anyone else. 

" You don't give to go now, he slipped out a card from him. "Look there, I followed his gaze and saw a man staring at her. " Who Is This?  "Someone who would be happy to meet you". " I ain't want to see please you should let me be" I took my drink outside, I drank as much as I can before walking home this was it now, I needed this, it was better than the loneliness I feel every day "Becca, I turned on the hearing that voices " What are you going here? He moved close to me to hold me but I pulled away from him, "why are you talking to me? " Becca, let's go home," he said moving toward me again but I slipped off from his grasp. "I said leave me alone, I don't want you close to me and here... I raised the glass bottle I was holding, you see this thing here, this is my new happiness since you all have taken my Sunny away from me". " Becca, you drunk and you need to go home, please". "If you dare cone close go me aI promise you I'll kill me, I don't want you close to me please"